Such things grieve the soul

Vincent van Gogh to Theo van Gogh, from The Hague, c. 15 April 1882

I sent the 25 guilders to Mr. Tersteeg at once, and have received a receipt for it without one written word. He may talk about being “hurt,” but I wish he would only consider how hurt I must have felt, always hearing such things as, “You do not earn your living, you have lost your rights,” and I don't know what else. Such things really don't hurt less but infinitely more than what I said to him - such things sometimes pierce the heart and deeply grieve the soul. . . .

As to his buying or not, I consider that quite different, quite separate from personal disputes or differences of view on some subjects; I should think whether or not he buys from me would depend not on me but on my work. Let him buy my work (as I make more progress) or not buy it because he either does or doesn't like it. He may buy it for himself or another, but it is not exactly fair to let a personal antipathy influence one's judgment, or, on the other hand, to let the personal charm of some artist influence one into overlooking faults in his work.

Letter 187
Translation courtesy of Robert Harrison.
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