I shall manage

Vincent van Gogh to Theo van Gogh, from The Hague, 1 May 1882

Suppose I began today a drawing of a digger, for instance, but he said, I must go, I will not or cannot pose any longer. As I had begun to draw him without asking his permission, I have no right to be angry with him for leaving me with an unfinished drawing. But must I now give up drawing a digger entirely?

I think not, especially if tomorrow I may meet another who says, I will come not just today, but tomorrow and the day after tomorrow; I understand what you want, do as you like, I have the patience and goodwill to help you. Though I should not then remain true to my first impression, would it have been better to have said, No, I must decidedly have that first digger, even though he says, I cannot and I will not? And once I begin No. 2, I certainly can't work with the thought of No. 1, for then I should not be true to nature; that is the point. . . . I want your help in order to succeed, but I think the expenses would not be more, but rather less than what you have sent these past months.

I will and dare undertake it if I may count on 150 fr. a month for another year.

Well, I hope to earn something besides, and if this fails, I shall have to stint myself, it's true; but I shall manage. And then afterward when that year is past?

Letter 195
Translation courtesy of Robert Harrison.
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