Is my path less straight?

Vincent van Gogh to Theo van Gogh, from The Hague, 14 May 1882

You see, Theo, I've had enough of it all; think it over and you will understand. Is my path less straight because somebody says, “You have gone astray”? C. M. always talks about the right path too, just like Tersteeg and the clergymen. . . . To forget, I lie down in the sand by an old tree trunk and make a drawing of it. In a linen smock, smoking a pipe and looking at the deep blue sky - or at the moss or the grass. This soothes me. And I feel just as calm, for instance, when Christien or her mother is posing, and I estimate the proportions, and try to suggest the body with its long undulating lines under the folds of a black dress. Then I am a thousand miles away from C. M., J. P. S., and H. G. T., and much happier. But - alas, then the worries come and I must either talk or write about money, and then it all begins anew. Then I think T. and C. M. would do so much better if they didn't bother about my “path,” but encouraged my drawing.

Letter 193
Translation courtesy of Robert Harrison.
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