“Nobody will take an interest in you”

Vincent van Gogh to Theo van Gogh, from The Hague, 14 May 1882

Mauve said to me, That uncle of yours has only given this order because he was at your studio once; but you must understand that it doesn't mean anything and will be the first and last, and then nobody will take an interest in you. You must know, Theo, that I cannot stand such things; if such things are said, my hand drops as if paralyzed. Especially as C. M. has already said something about conventions, I believe. I have done twelve drawings for C. M. for 30 guilders, that is 2.50 guilders apiece; it was a difficult job, there was more than 30 guilders' worth of work in it, and I don't deserve having to consider it charity, or something like it.

I had already put a lot of effort into the six others. I had made the studies for them - and there it stopped. The effort over the new ones has already been made, so it is not laziness; but I am paralyzed.

Letter 193
Translation courtesy of Robert Harrison.
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