Otherwise there will be something false

Vincent van Gogh to Theo van Gogh, from The Hague, 14 May 1882

Now as you know, when I met Christien she was pregnant, ill, left out in the cold. I was alone, and had just had the experience in Amsterdam I wrote to you about. I started it - though not immediately with marriage in mind. However, when I got to know her better, it became obvious to me that if I wanted to help her I must set about it more seriously.

Then I spoke to her frankly and said, I think about this and that, in such and such a way, I see your position and mine in such and such a way. I am poor - but I am no seducer. Will you be able to put up with me? Otherwise there isn't any point in going on.

At which she said, I want to be with you, no matter how poor you are.

And that is how it all came about. And before very long now she will be going to Leyden and I should like to marry her without any fuss straight after that. Because otherwise there will be something false about her position and mine, which I most decidedly wish to avoid.

Letter 198
Translation courtesy of Robert Harrison.
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