The wish to pursue what I need for my work

Vincent van Gogh to Theo van Gogh, from The Hague, 19 August 1882

Father and Mother will hardly be able to understand my frame of mind, and they will not know what urges me on. When they see me doing things which they think strange and eccentric, they will ascribe them to discontent, indifference, or carelessness, whereas in reality there is something quite different at the bottom of it, namely, the wish to pursue, at all costs, what I need for my work. Now they are perhaps looking forward to the “painting in oil.” Now at last it will come—and oh! how disappointed they would be, I am afraid, if they could see it; they would notice nothing but daubs of paint—besides, they consider drawing a “preparatory study” an expression which many years ago I learned to hate inexpressibly, and think as incorrect as it can be. As you well know. And when they see me still at it, the way I was before, they will think I am going to be doing that preparatory study forever.

Letter 226
Translation courtesy of Robert Harrison.
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