Much that has great value nowadays is ignored

But isn't it queer that in an artistic town like The Hague a man like me should be the highest bidder at a book auction? One would think that other buyers would turn up - but no!...

Oh, Rappard - in many respect it's like this - much that has great value nowadays is ignored and looked down upon as worthless rubbish, garbage, wastepaper.

Don't you think there is something very dull about our times? Or am I imagining it? A certain absence of passion and warmth and cordiality - it's true that the “dealers” and such fellows say, “The desired change will come about in the nature of things” (isn't this statement highly satisfactory?), but personally I don't see that “nature of things” so very clearly.

It isn't unpleasant, after all, to study the Graphics; yet I can't help thinking very selfishly while doing so, “What business is it of mine? I don't intend to be bored, even if the times are dull.” But one isn't always selfish, and as soon as one isn't, one may grieve bitterly over it.

To Anthon van Rappard, from The Hague, c. 25-30 January 1883, Letter R24
Translation courtesy of Robert Harrison.
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Union makes strength

The truth is that whenever different people love the same thing and work at it together, their union makes strength; combined, they can do more than if their separate energies were each striving in a different direction. By working together one becomes stronger and a whole is formed, though the personality of each need not be blotted out by working together. And therefore I wish that Rappard were entirely better; we do not really work together, but we have the same thoughts about many things. He is recovering, though, and we are already fussing over our wood engravings again.

But it is my constant hope that we shall become even better friends than we are now, and that perhaps later we shall go and visit the miners together, for instance. But for the moment, I think we must both apply ourselves to a thorough study of the figure; the better we master that, the easier it will become to carry out such plans.

To Theo van Gogh, from The Hague, c. 25-29 January 1883, Letter 262
Translation courtesy of Robert Harrison.
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It's not that I disapprove of everything in the present

I often disliked many things in England, but that Black and White and Dickens are things which make up for it all. I speak from my own experience. It's not that I disapprove of everything in the present, far from it, but still it seems to me that something of the fine spirit of that time which ought to have been preserved is disappearing - in art especially. But also in life itself. Perhaps I express myself too vaguely, but I cannot say it differently - I don't know exactly what it is, but it is not just the Black and White which changed its course and deviated from its healthy, noble beginning. Rather, there is in general a kind of skepticism and indifference and coolness, notwithstanding all the activity. But all this is too vague, too indefinite. I do not think too much about it, because I think of my drawings and have no time to spare.

To Theo van Gogh, from The Hague, c. 25-29 January 1883, Letter 262
Translation courtesy of Robert Harrison.
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He saw the sublime in the most ordinary, commonplace things

To you and me there appeared on the cold cruel pavement a sad pitiful woman's figure, and neither you nor I passed it by - we both stopped and followed the human impulse of our hearts.

Such an encounter has the quality of an apparition about it, at least when one recalls it; one sees a pale face, a sorrowful look like an Ecce Homo on a dark background - all the rest disappears. That is the sentiment of an Ecce Homo, and there is the same expression in reality, but in this case it is on a woman's face. Later it certainly becomes different - but one never forgets that first expression....

Underneath a figure of an English woman (by Paterson) is written the name Dolorosa; that expresses it well.

I was thinking of the two women now, and at the same time I thought of a drawing by Pinwell, “The Sisters,” in which I find that Dolorosa expression. - That drawing represents two women in black, in a dark room; one has just come home and is hanging her coat on the rack. The other is smelling a primrose on the table while picking up some white sewing.

That Pinwell reminds one a little of Feyen-Perrin - in his early work; it also reminds one of Thijs Maris, but with an even purer sentiment.

He was such a poet that he saw the sublime in the most ordinary, commonplace things. His work is rare - I saw very little of it, but that little was so beautiful that now, at least ten years later, I see it as clearly as I did the first time.

To Theo van Gogh, from The Hague, c. 25-29 January 1883, Letter 262
Translation courtesy of Robert Harrison.
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This bad time must be lived through

Vincent van Gogh to Theo van Gogh, from The Hague, 26 January 1882

The last time Mauve was here, he asked me again if I needed money. I was then able to say I did not want it, but you see, in case of need, he would be willing to do something. And so though there will be some difficulties now and then, I hope we can manage to struggle through. Especially if Mr. Tersteeg would be so kind as to give me some credit in case you're unable to send me money, and when it is absolutely necessary.

You speak of fair promises - with me it is more or less the same. Mauve says it will be all right; but for all that, the watercolors I make are not quite saleable. Now I have some hope myself, and I will work hard on them, but it is often hopeless enough, for when I try to work them up, they become too heavy. It's exasperating, for it's no small difficulty. And experiments with watercolors are rather expensive - paper, paint, brushes, model, and time, and whatnot.

But even so, I think the most economical way is to keep going without losing time.

For this bad time must be lived through.

Letter 173
Translation courtesy of Robert Harrison.
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I am so angry with myself

Vincent van Gogh to Theo van Gogh, from The Hague, 26 January 1882

What I had already feared when I wrote you last has really happened, meaning that I have not been well, and have been in bed for almost three days with fever and nervousness, now and then accompanied by headache and toothache. It is a miserable condition and is caused by overexertion. Mauve has again been to see me, and once more we agreed to keep up courage through all.

But I am so angry with myself now because I cannot do what I should like to do, and at such a moment one feels as if one were lying bound hand and foot a the bottom of a deep, dark well, utterly helpless. Now I have recovered enough so that I got up again last night and rummaged around, straightening things. When the model came of her own accord this morning, though I only half expected her, I put her into the right pose with Mauve's help and tried to draw a little; but I could not do it, and I felt miserable and weak the whole evening. But if I rest a few more days, it will be over, and I need not be afraid of its coming back soon if I am careful.

Letter 173
Translation courtesy of Robert Harrison.
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In spite of everything, the sun is rising

Vincent van Gogh to Theo van Gogh, from The Hague, 22 January 1882

Yesterday I had a lesson from Mauve on drawing hands and faces so as to keep the color transparent. Mauve knows things so thoroughly, and when he tells you something, he exerts himself and doesn't just say it to hear himself talk; and I exert myself to listen carefully and to put it into practice. Yesterday I told Mauve again that it was so necessary for me to earn something, but I will not ask him for money, as he gives me something that is much better than money; and besides, he has already helped me with my furniture, and that is more than enough.

Now that I have written you, I will set to work again tomorrow full of confidence. When you were in Etten last summer, you spoke about my working in watercolors. At that point I didn't even know how to start it. Now the light is beginning to dawn, and in spite of everything, the sun is rising.

Letter 172
Translation courtesy of Robert Harrison.
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These are evil hours

Vincent van Gogh to Theo van Gogh, from The Hague, 22 January 1882

Sometimes one involuntarily becomes terribly depressed, if only for a moment, often just when one is feeling cheerful, as I really am even now. That's what happened this morning; these are evil hours when one feels quite helpless and faint with overexertion. I think it was really because I had arranged with Mauve about what I would do with a model out-of-doors, and then all at once I thought, Perhaps I cannot do it because in two days I shall not have a cent left, and than Mauve will think I was afraid. So I got up again to write you once more because I felt so anxious. Having to think about too many other things against my will hampers me so much in my work; even when I am in front of my model, I do not know how I shall pay him or whether I shall be able to go on the next day or not. And I must, I must be calm and quiet in order to work - it is difficult enough anyhow. And especially now I must keep up my spirits; but I felt so clearly this morning that my strength was failing me, not my ardor or my courage, and therefore I'm telling you once more.

I can quite imagine that you also have your difficulties, but I think some arrangement might be made with Tersteeg which would settle everything.

Letter 172
Translation courtesy of Robert Harrison.
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My underwear is also beginning to fall apart

Well, there are a lot of things which I still want to or have to improve; of course it needn't all be done at once, but daily it causes small expenses which, added together, worry me a great deal. Sometimes my clothes need repairing, and Mauve has already given me a few hints about that too, which I shall certainly carry out; but it cannot all be done at once. You know my clothes are chiefly old things of yours which have been altered for me, or a few have been bought ready-made and are of poor material. So they look shabby, and especially all my dabbling in paint makes keeping them decent even more difficult; it is the same with boots. My underwear is also beginning to fall apart. You know that I have been without means for a long time already, and then many things get dilapidated.

To Theo van Gogh, from The Hague, 22 January 1882, Letter 172
Translations courtesy of Robert Harrison.
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I am greatly harassed by scarcity of funds

For though I still have a dose of courage left, it is sometimes very hard always to show a good face to Mauve and Tersteeg and others. Yet I must, for though I do not pretend to be carefree, I need not tell them all the details and particulars. But it happens often enough that I am quite at a loss as to what to do. Now this morning I felt so miserable that I went to bed; I had a headache and was feverish from worry because I dread this week so much, and do not know how to get through it. And then I got up, but went back to bed again; now I feel a little better, but I wanted you to know that I did not exaggerate in yesterday's letter. If only I continue working hard, it will not be long before I earn something with my work; but meanwhile I am greatly harassed by scarcity of funds.

To Theo van Gogh, from The Hague, 22 January 1882, Letter 172
Translations courtesy of Robert Harrison.
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I feel there is a power in me

Vincent van Gogh to Theo van Gogh, from The Hague, 21 January 1882

So I have enough work for the week that begins tomorrow, but I'm afraid I haven't enough money, for 2.50 guilders and a few cents is all I have left. What should I do now? If I go and ask Mauve or Mr. Tersteeg, I do not think either would refuse me. But Mauve has already done so much, and I would rather sell a few small drawings to Mr. Tersteeg than borrow money from him. So answer me soon, and if possible do something, send me some money so that I can go on working. I feel, Theo, that there is a power in me, and I do what I can to bring it out and free it. All the worry and troubling over my drawings is hard enough, and if I had too many other cares and could not pay the models, I should lose my head. It is bad enough that you have to pay for everything, but things are not so bad as they were last winter. I feel that I am nearer success. I shall do what I can, I shall work hard, and as soon as I have more power over my brush, I shall work even harder than I do now. And if we push on energetically now, it will not be long before you need not send me money any more.

Well, boy, do what you can, and I shall also do what I can.

Letter 171
Translations courtesy of Robert Harrison.
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Someday it will surely sell

Mauve has been to see me and Mr. Tersteeg also, and I am very glad of it. I have been working all the time now in watercolor, and I am getting to like it more and more....

...I am making progress and I shall learn to make watercolors, and then it will not be so very long before my work becomes saleable.

Mr. Tersteeg himself said something about it, and if some of those smaller ones turn out well, he will probably buy some. And I have completed still further the drawing of the little old woman which I sent you a sketch of, and someday it will surely sell.

To Theo van Gogh, from The Hague, 21 January 1882, Letter 171
Translations courtesy of Robert Harrison.
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I work, I drudge, I grind all day long

Vincent van Gogh to Theo van Gogh, from The Hague, 21 January 1882

Now, I hope you will write me soon, and especially that we shall try to make some arrangement about the money. For though 100 fr. a month would be sufficient for my own expenses, it is quite a different matter when I have to pay models daily and must feed them, etc., etc. And then the expenses of paint, paper, etc. I told you in my last letter that whether I can work at full speed or half speed depends on my income. . . .

Believe me, I work, I drudge, I grind all day long, and I do so with pleasure; but I should get very discouraged if I could not go on working as hard or even harder. If you write to Mr. Tersteeg about it, he will certainly credit you for an amount which you yourself fix, and he can control its expenditure if he does not trust me. But it would be terrible if I couldn't go on working the way I have these last three weeks.

Letter 171
Translation courtesy of Robert Harrison.
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Or is it that he is afraid I will ask him for money?

I must say it seems rather strange and rather unaccountable that you have not written me since the one letter I received on my arrival here. . . .

In thinking of you, I unconsciously said to myself, Why doesn't he write? If he is afraid of compromising himself in the eyes of Messrs. Goupil & Co. by keeping in touch with me - is his position with those gentlemen so shaky and unstable that he is obliged to be so careful? Or is it that he is afraid I will ask him for money? But if this was the reason for your silence, you might at least have waited until I tried to squeeze something out of you, as the saying goes.

To Theo van Gogh, from Brussels, January 1881, Letter 139
Translations courtesy of Robert Harrison.
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It often makes me sad to think that I must always be a burden to you

When you come sooner or later, I can show you more, and then we can talk about the future. You know well enough how unfit I am to cope with either dealers or art lovers, and how contrary it is to my nature. I should like it so much if we could always continue as we are now, but it often makes me sad to think that I must always be a burden to you. But who knows, in time you may be able to find someone who takes an interest in my work, who will take from your shoulders the burden which you took upon yourself at the most difficult time. This can only happen when it is quite evident that my work is serious, when it speaks more clearly for itself than it does now.

I myself am too fond of a very simple life to wish to change it, but later on, in order to do greater things, I shall have greater expenses, too. I think I shall always work with a model - always and always. And I must try to arrange matters so that the whole burden doesn't always fall on you.

This is only a beginning - later you will get better things from me, my boy.

To Theo van Gogh, from The Hague, 3 January 1883, Letter 257
Translations courtesy of Robert Harrison.
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Forward - forward

By working hard, boy, I hope to succeed in making something good. It isn't there yet, but I aim at it and struggle for it. I want something serious - something Fresh - something with soul in it! Forward - forward.

To Theo van Gogh, from The Hague, 3 January 1883, Letter 257
Translations courtesy of Robert Harrison.
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Whether I can work full speed, half speed, or not at all often depends on the money I have

Let me know as nearly as possible what I can expect; and I wish you could make some arrangement with Mr. Tersteeg, so that in case of difficulties, I can go to him without any scruples. For my part, I promise you to work as hard as I can; but with models, for instance, whether I can work full speed, half speed, or not at all often depends on the money I have or haven't got in my pocket. So now I am making arrangements with a mother and her baby, but I am afraid it will be too expensive. Of course you understand that I like best to go full speed, but…well, you know what I mean. I must hold myself in until I have a little more scope and freedom.

Write me soon, and do send me the money for February as early as possible, for I am quite sure I shall not have a cent left by that time.

To Theo van Gogh, from The Hague, c. 12-16 January 1882, Letter 170
Translations courtesy of Robert Harrison.
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I do not sit idle

Theo, I have great trouble with models: I hunt for them, and when I find them, it is hard to get them to come to the studio; often they do not come at all. For instance, this morning a blacksmith's boy could not come because his father wanted me to pay a guilder an hour; of course I refused to do it. Tomorrow that old woman will sit for me again, but she could not come for three days.

When I go out, I often make sketches in the soup kitchens or in the third-class waiting room, and such places. But outside it is so deuced cold, especially for me, as I do not draw as quickly as the more advanced, and must finish my sketches in more detail if they are to be of any use.

So you see that I do not sit idle, and for the present I think no more about Etten, but try to get rooted here. Of course the models cost a lot of money, and I must tell you that I also spend what is necessary for myself, though living as cheaply as possible. (I take my meals in the soup kitchen.) Yet I hope you will not object to my going on.

To Theo van Gogh, from The Hague, c. 12-16 January 1882, Letter 170
Translations courtesy of Robert Harrison.
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One cannot master the technique in a day

You see, I am seeking for tone, a head or little hand which has light and life in it, and which stands out against the drowsy dusk of the background, and then boldly against it all that part of the chimney and stove - iron and stone - and a wooden floor. If I could get the drawing as I want it, I would make three-fourths of it in a yellow-soap style, and would treat only the corner where the little girl sits tenderly, softly and with sentiment.

You understand that I cannot express everything as I feel it, but the problem is to attack the difficulties; the yellow-soap part is not yet yellow-soapy enough, and, on the other hand, the tenderness is not tender enough.

But at any rate I have hammered the sketch onto the paper, and the idea is expressed, and I think it a good one.

Of course, one cannot master the technique in a day.

To Theo van Gogh, from The Hague, c. 12-16 January 1882, Letter 170
Translations courtesy of Robert Harrison.
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I am not disheartened even by my mistakes

Drawing becomes more and more a passion with me, and it is a passion just like that of a sailor for the sea. Mauve has now shown me a new way to make something, that is, how to paint watercolors. Well, I am quite absorbed in this now and sit daubing and washing it out again; in short, I am trying to find a way. “Puisqu'il faut faire des efforts de perdu. Puisque l'exécution d'une aquarelle a quelque chose de diabolique. Puisqu'il y a du bon en tout mouvement énergetique.” [Because one must make efforts like those of the lost souls. Because there is something diabolical about executing a watercolor. Because there is something good in every energetic motion.]

...I started at once a few smaller watercolors and also a large one, at least almost as large as one of those figure studies which I made at Etten. Now of course it doesn't all succeed right away. Mauve himself says that I shall spoil at least ten drawings before I know how to handle the brush well. But behind it is a better future, so I work with as much composure as I can, and am not disheartened even by my mistakes.

To Theo van Gogh, from The Hague, c. 12-16 January 1882, Letter 170
Translations courtesy of Robert Harrison.
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I do not intend to drop it

As you vaguely spoke to me some time ago about coming to Paris, I must tell you that I wish no better than to go someday soon, provided I were sure of finding some work there which would give me a salary of at least 100 fr. a month. I must also tell you that as I have begun to draw, I do not intend to drop it, so I will try chiefly to get on in that line. Not only does drawing figures and scenes from life demand a knowledge of the technique of drawing, but it also demands profound studies of literature, physiognomy, etc., which are difficult to acquire.

To Theo van Gogh, from Brussels, January 1881, Letter 140
Translations courtesy of Robert Harrison.
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I long very much to find one who could help me progress

The principal motive for writing you now is to ask you if you know of any reason why I should not go to see Mr. Tersteeg and Mauve. I think it would be to my advantage to go to The Hague for a time. But if I knew for certain that Mr. Tersteeg would rather I did not go there, it might make me change my mind. What do you think about it?

I have seen little of Van Rappard, because it seemed to me that he did not like to be disturbed. As long as I am not more advanced, I must avoid young artists, who do not always reflect on what they do or say. And yet I long very much to find one who, being more advanced than I, could help me progress.

To Theo van Gogh, from Brussels, January 1881, Letter 139
Translations courtesy of Robert Harrison.
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A definite arrangement

When your letter took so long to come (since it went to Mauve first, I received it even later) I had to go to Mr. Tersteeg, and he gave me 25 guilders until I received your letter. It might be a good idea if I, with your knowledge, or you, with my knowledge, made some sort of arrangement with Mr. T. For you realize, Theo, I must know with as much certainty as possible what to expect, and I must be able to calculate and be able to tell in advance whether I can do this or that or must give it up. So you will do me a great favor by agreeing with me to a definite arrangement, and I hope you will write to me about it soon.

To Theo van Gogh, from The Hague, 7-8 January 1882, Letter 169
Translations courtesy of Robert Harrison.
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A period of struggle and dejection, of patience and impatience, of hope and despair

And you know, I am toiling away at watercolors right now and when I have got my hand in, they will be saleable. But Theo, believe me, when I went to Mauve for the first time with my pen drawings and M. said, “Now try it with charcoal and crayon and stump,” I had the devil of a job working with that new material. I was patient, but that didn't seem to help, then I grew so impatient at times that I would stamp on my charcoal and become utterly dejected. And yet, a little while later, I sent you drawings done with chalk and charcoal and the brush, and I went back to Mauve with a whole lot of similar ones, in which, naturally, he found something to criticize, and with reason, and you did as well, it was a step forward.

Now I am once again passing through a similar period of struggle and dejection, of patience and impatience, of hope and despair. But I have to struggle on and, well, in good time I shall understand watercolors better. If it were easy, there would be no pleasure in it. And ditto, ditto with painting.

To Theo van Gogh, from The Hague, 7-8 January 1882, Letter 169
Translations courtesy of Robert Harrison.
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I am throwing myself with might and main into life

Before things came to their present pass, I used to have many regrets and be very sad and reproach myself because things between Father and Mother and me were going so badly. But now that matters have gone this far, well, so be it, and to tell you the truth, I have no regrets anymore, cannot help feeling a sense of deliverance. If I should later come to see that I did wrong, well, then I shall of course be sorry, but as it is I have been unable to see how else I could possibly have acted. When somebody tells me decisively, “Get out of my house, the sooner the better, in half an hour rather than an hour,” well then, my dear fellow, it doesn't take a quarter of an hour for me to leave, never to return either. That was going too far, and you surely understand that, if only to spare you and others further financial trouble, I should not lightly have left on my own accord, but once that “Get out” has been said, by them and not by me, well then, my course is clear enough.

. . . Consider it a point in my favor that for the time being I am behaving as if Father and Mother did not exist. It would have been much better if I had spent this winter in Etten, and things would have been much easier for me, too, especially for financial reasons - if I were to start thinking and fretting about that again, it would make me melancholy, so that's over and done with, once and for all. I am here now and I must try to muddle through. If I wrote to Father about it again, it would be adding fuel the fire. I don't ever want to get angry again and am throwing myself with might and main into life and affairs here, and, what can I do, Etten is lost and so is Heike, but I shall try to obtain something else in their stead.

To Theo van Gogh, from The Hague, 7-8 January 1882, Letter 169
Translations courtesy of Robert Harrison.
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I found a stamp in my pocket just now

In desperation I went today to Goupil's, for according to what you wrote me I thought as a last resort I would ask Tersteeg to lend me something. But Tersteeg had just gone out of town for a few days.

I must put a good face on the matter when I'm with Mauve; Mauve has really done enough. . . .

I found a stamp in my pocket just now, otherwise I should not be able to send you this letter. It is a time of struggle for you and for me, but I think we are making progress. So let us keep courage.

To Theo van Gogh, from The Hague, 5-6 January 1882, Letter 168
Translation courtesy of Robert Harrison.
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Listen, Theo, what's the matter with you?

You know Mauve helped me to get settled, but I still have a great many expenses, and for the last few days I really have not had a penny in my pocket. Of course I had counted positively on your sending me at least 100 frs. for the month of January.

. . . The worst is that I cannot work with a model until I have some money in my pocket again, so I can hardly do anything, as the weather is too bad to sit outside, though I tried it several times.

I am all right, but the last few days I have been faint with suspense.

To Theo van Gogh, from The Hague, 5-6 January 1882, Letter 168
Translation courtesy of Robert Harrison.
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That's the highest thing in art

As to the sentiment of the drawings, I should like to know your opinion because, as I have already said, I myself cannot judge what is or isn't in them.

Or rather, it is because I myself prefer studies like these - even though they are not quite finished and many things in them have been neglected - to drawings with a definite subject: they remind me more vividly of nature itself. You will understand what I mean: there is something of life itself in the real studies, and the person who makes them will not think of himself, but of nature, and so prefer the study to what he may perhaps make of it later - unless something quite different should finally result from the many studies, namely the type distilled from many individuals.

That's the highest thing in art, and there art sometimes rises above nature - in Millet's “Sower,” for instance, there is more soul than in an ordinary sower in the field.

To Theo van Gogh, from The Hague, 3 January 1883, Letter 257
Translation courtesy of Robert Harrison.
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Perhaps I do not see my own work clearly

I was rather worried that you might think I had begun to slacken because you had seen so little of my work recently.

On the contrary, I have been working very hard lately, and am still absorbed in all kinds of things in which I am beginning to see a light, but which I do not quite have within my grasp yet. . . .

. . . Perhaps I do not see my own work clearly. Perhaps it is a step forward, perhaps not - will you tell me your opinion of it in reference to the two studies I sent you, which I did recently along with a few others?

To Theo van Gogh, from The Hague, 3 January 1883, Letter 257
Translation courtesy of Robert Harrison.
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I shall soon begin to earn something

Mauve has lent me 100 guilders for rent and furniture, and to have the window and light adjusted. You can imagine that this is a load on my mind, but, well, it was the only possible way . . . .

Listen, you know that my expenses will be greater than in Etten, but I shall try to struggle along. Mauve gives me great hope that I shall soon begin to earn something. And now that I am in a studio of my own, this will not make an unfavorable impression on the persons who until now suspected me of amateurism, of idleness, of sponging on others. I hope you will be able to send me something these days. If I were greatly in need and asked Mauve, he would not refuse me, but I really think he has already done enough.

To Theo van Gogh, from The Hague, 1-2 January 1882, Letter 167
Translation courtesy of Robert Harrison.
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…and egotistically I add, for me too

I just send you my best wishes for the New Year. May it be a good year for you in every respect, and egotistically I add, for me too. Well, as for me it will perhaps please you to hear that I am installed in a studio of my own - a room with an alcove. . . .

I did not dare hope that it would happen so soon, but now I am very glad, and I hope you also will approve of it.

To Theo van Gogh, from The Hague, 1-2 January 1882, Letter 167
Translation courtesy of Robert Harrison.
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