A workman is worthy of his hire

Vincent van Gogh to Theo van Gogh, from The Hague, late April 1882

I still have more to tell you about my plans for the future, how I intend to carry on my work. But first you must come here, and so I won't write about it now, as I hope it will not be so very long before you come. You have seen the two drawings I sent you. These were not made by accident; I can produce such work regularly, and it improves as I go on. So it is not unreasonable for me to insist upon its being arranged so that I no longer need be afraid that what is strictly necessary will be taken from me, nor always feel as if it were the bread of charity.

Bread, clothes, rent, models, and drawing materials are strictly necessary. And the way I arrange it, this is not so very much, and I can make drawings in return if people will only take them. I have no desire to become rich, but of course I can't do without those necessary things. A workman is worthy of his hire.

Letter 191
Translation courtesy of Robert Harrison.
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I wish they would just take me as I am

Vincent van Gogh to Theo van Gogh, from The Hague, c. 15-27 April 1882

When I go to see Mauve or Tersteeg I cannot express myself as I should wish, and perhaps I do myself more harm than good. When they are more accustomed to my way of speaking, they will no longer take offense.

But do tell them now, in my name, how things are - that if I have hurt them in speech or action, I hope they will forgive me. Tell them in better words than I can, with as much style and grace as necessary, how they on their part have caused me much sorrow, much grief, much trouble in these few months which have seemed so long to me because of all these worries. Make them understand this, they don't know it: they think I am unfeeling and indifferent. . . .

I wish they would just take me as I am. Mauve has been kind to me and has helped me thoroughly and well, but - it lasted only a fortnight - that is too short.

Adieu, Theo, try to do what you can. If I have some good luck instead of bad luck, I needn't be such a burden on you.

Letter 190
Translation courtesy of Robert Harrison.
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My profession requires it

Vincent van Gogh to Theo van Gogh, from The Hague, c. 15-27 April 1882

I cannot believe, Theo, that I could be such a monster of insolence and impoliteness as to deserve to be cut off from society, or as Tersteeg says, “should not be allowed to stay in The Hague.”

Do I lower myself by living with the people I draw? Do I lower myself when I go into the houses of laborers and poor people and when I receive them in my studio?

I think my profession requires it, and only those who don't understand anything of painting or drawing could object to it.

I put the question, where do the draftsmen who work for the Graphic, Punch, etc., get their models? Do they personally hunt for them in the poorest alleys of London - yes or no?

And their knowledge of the people, were they born with it - or did they acquire it in later years by living among the people and paying attention to things that many another overlooks, by remembering what many another forgets?

Letter 190
Translation courtesy of Robert Harrison.
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My ugly face and shabby coat

Vincent van Gogh to Theo van Gogh, from The Hague, c. 15-27 April 1882

I, who did not feel at ease in a fine store, who would not feel so especially now, and would certainly be bored and bore others - I am quite a different person when I am at work on the Geest or on the heath or in the dunes. Then my ugly face and shabby coat harmonize perfectly with the surroundings and I am myself and work with pleasure. As for the “how to do it,” I hope to be able to push on.

When I wear a fine coat, the working people that I want for models are afraid of me and distrust me, or they want more money from me. . . .

So if remarks are made about my habits - meaning dress, face, manner of speech - what answer shall I make…that such talk annoys me?

Am I ill-mannered in another sense, that is, insolent and indelicate?

Look here, in my opinion all politeness is founded on goodwill towards everybody, founded on the necessity everyone who has a heart in his breast feels, to help others, to be of use to somebody, and finally, on the need to live together, and not alone. Therefore I do my best; I draw, not to annoy people, but to amuse them, or to make them see things which are worth observing and which not everybody knows.

Letter 190
Translation courtesy of Robert Harrison.
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Rough, even dirty work

Vincent van Gogh to Theo van Gogh, from The Hague, c. 15-27 April 1882

Strolling on wharves and in alleys and streets and in the houses, waiting rooms, even saloons, is not a pleasant pastime, except for an artist. As such, one would rather be in the dirtiest place where there is something to draw than at a tea party with charming ladies. Unless one wants to draw ladies - then a tea party is all right even for an artist. What I want to say is this, searching for subjects, living among working people, the worry and trouble with models, drawing from nature on the very spot, is rough work, even dirty work at times. Indeed, a salesman's manners and clothes are not exactly the most suitable for me, or for anyone else who does not have to talk with fine ladies and rich gentlemen and sell them expensive things and make money, but who has, for instance, to draw diggers in a trench on the Geest. If I could do what Tersteeg can, if I were fit for that, I would not be fit for my profession; for my profession it is better that I am as I am than that I squeeze myself into forms which do not fit me.

Letter 190
Translation courtesy of Robert Harrison.
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Have I ever doubted or hesitated or wavered?

Vincent van Gogh to Theo van Gogh, from The Hague, c. 15-27 April 1882

Tersteeg said to me, “You failed before and now you will fail again - it will be the same story all over again.” Stop - no, it is quite different now, and that reasoning is really nothing but a sophism.

My not being fit for business or for professional study does not prove at all that I am not fit to be a painter. On the contrary, if I had been able to be a clergyman or an art dealer, then perhaps I should not have been fit for drawing and painting, and I should neither have resigned nor accepted my dismissal as such.

I cannot stop drawing because I really have a draughtsman's fist, and I ask you, have I ever doubted or hesitated or wavered since the day I began to draw? I think you know quite well that I pushed on, and of course I gradually grew stronger in the battle.

Letter 190
Translation courtesy of Robert Harrison.
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My grief chokes me

Vincent van Gogh to Theo van Gogh, from The Hague, c. 15-27 April 1882

Since I wrote Mauve: “Do you know that those two months you spoke of have long since passed? Let us shake hands, and then each go his own way, rather than have a quarrel between you and me,” I repeat, since I wrote this and received no sign in reply, my grief chokes me.

Because - and you know this - I love Mauve, and it is so hard that all the happiness he pictured to me will come to naught. For I am afraid that the better my drawings become, the more difficulty and opposition I shall meet. Because I shall have to suffer much, especially from those peculiarities which I cannot change. First, my appearance and my way of speaking and my clothes; and then, even later on when I earn more, I shall always move in a different sphere from most painters because my conception of things, the subjects I want to make, inexorably demand it.

Letter 190
Translation courtesy of Robert Harrison.
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“Strict obedience” - I cannot give that

Vincent van Gogh to Theo van Gogh, from The Hague, c. 15-27 April 1882

Things have happened with Tersteeg which made me write Mauve: “Let us shake hands and not feel animosity or bitterness toward each other, but it is too difficult for you to guide me and it is too difficult for me to be guided by you if you require ‘strict obedience’ to all you say - I cannot give that. So that's the end of the guiding and being guided. But it does not alter my feeling of gratefulness and obligation toward you.”

Mauve has not answered this and I have not seen him since. What urged me to say to Mauve, We must each go our own way, was the evidence that Tersteeg really influenced Mauve. I learned it from Tersteeg himself when he told me he would see to it that you stopped sending me money, “Mauve and I will see to it that there is an end to this.”. . .

Theo, I am a man with faults and errors and passions, but I don't think I ever tried to deprive anyone of his bread or his friends. I have sometimes fought people with words, but attempting a man's life because of a difference of opinion is not the work of an honest man - at least, these are not honest weapons.

Can you understand now that I am sometimes grieved over many things, grieved to the heart; and that I am grieved about Mauve? For though I shouldn't want to have the same “guidance” from him again, I should like to shake hands with him once more, and I wish he would do the same with me.

Letter 189
Translation courtesy of Robert Harrison.
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Animation and earnestness

Vincent van Gogh to Theo van Gogh, from The Hague, c. 15-27 April 1882,

Near the end of January, I think a fortnight after my arrival here, Mauve's attitude toward me changed suddenly - became as unfriendly as it had been friendly before. I ascribed it to his not being satisfied with my work, and I was so anxious and worried over it that it quite upset me and made me ill, as I wrote you at the time. . . .

Mauve's talk also became narrow-minded, if I may call it so, as it used to be broad-minded. I had to draw from casts, that was the principal thing, he said. I hate drawing from casts, but I had a few plaster hands and feet hanging in my studio, though not for drawing purposes. Once he spoke to me about drawing from casts in a way such as the worst teacher at the academy would not have spoken; I kept quiet, but when I got home I was so angry that I threw those poor plaster casts into the coal bin, and they were smashed to pieces. And I thought, I will draw from those casts only when they become whole and white again, and when there are no more hands and feet of living beings to draw from.

Then I said to Mauve, Man, don't mention plaster to me again, because I can't stand it. That was followed by a note from Mauve, telling me that he would not have anything to do with me for two months. Indeed, we did not see each other during those two months, but meanwhile I have not been idle, though I have not drawn from casts, I can tell you, and I must say I worked with more animation and earnestness once I was free.

Letter 189
Translation courtesy of Robert Harrison.
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If my life were somewhat easier

Vincent van Gogh to Theo van Gogh, from The Hague, c. 15-27 April 1882

I sometimes think, If my life were somewhat easier, how much more and how much better I should then be able to work! But I do work, and as you must have noticed from my last drawings, I begin to see a light that will conquer the difficulties. But you know that in addition to the exertion of drawing, scarcely a day passes without bringing some difficulty or other which in itself would be hard enough to bear. And, you see, there is a sorrow which I think I don't really deserve - at least I don't know in what way I deserve it - and which I should like to get rid of.

Letter 189
Translation courtesy of Robert Harrison.
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If only I persist

Vincent van Gogh to Theo van Gogh, from The Hague, c. 15-17 April 1882

You see, there are a great many things in drawing which lots of people often overlook. There is the correct perspective of an interior, for instance (I will send you a specimen of that too, someday); there are the great lines of a landscape; and then I personally see no way to eliminate study of the nude.

All this is essentially drawing - once having fairly mastered this, one sees the way out; and I personally go quietly along this way, knowing that if only I persist, before long I shall overtake a few of those who think they can skip such things.

Letter 188
Translation courtesy of Robert Harrison.
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I still hope there may be some character in it

Vincent van Gogh to Theo van Gogh, from The Hague, c. 15-17 April 1882

So now you have one of my figures and one of my landscapes, and I think you will see that I have made some progress.

Though this be “only black and white” and unsaleable??? and without charm??? I still hope there may be some character in it. And I think that instead of reproaching me for applying myself only to drawing things, this certainly proves that I am taking the most practical way. For it is easier to proceed from drawing to painting than, conversely, to make pictures without drawing the necessary studies.

Of course it causes me a great deal of worry and makes my life far from easy when those whom I thought I could depend on for sympathy, like Mauve and Tersteeg, become indifferent or hostile and spiteful. I have not heard anything from Mauve; one day he is ill, and then again he needs rest, or he is too busy. How beautiful his picture for the Salon is!

But you understand these things yourself, so enough.

Letter 188
Translation courtesy of Robert Harrison.
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We must suffer for it

Vincent van Gogh to Theo van Gogh, from The Hague, c. 15 April 1882

There certainly is an affinity between a person and his work, but it is not easy to define what this affinity is, and on that question many judge quite wrongly.

And now, yes, I know that Mother is ill, and I know many other sad things besides, either in our own family or in others'.

And I am not insensible to it, and I don't think I should be able to draw “Sorrow” if I didn't feel it. But since last summer it has become clear to me that the disharmony between Father, Mother and myself has become a chronic evil because there has been misunderstanding and estrangement between us for too long a time. And now it has gone so far that we must suffer for it on both sides.

I mean, we might have helped each other more if long ago we had tried on both sides to live in closer understanding and to share weal and woe, always remembering that parents and children must remain one. We didn't make these mistakes on purpose, and for the greater part they must be ascribed to the force majeure of difficult circumstances and a hurried life. Now I have become little more than a half strange, half tiresome person to Father and Mother; and for my part, when I'm at home, I also have a lonesome, empty feeling. Opinions and professions differ so much that we unintentionally annoy each other, but I repeat, it is quite involuntary. This is a very sad feeling, but life and the world are full of such unsatisfactory relationships, and it really does more harm than good to reproach each other - sometimes the best thing to do in such a case is to avoid each other. But I don't know what's best; I wish I did.

Well, Father and Mother find comfort in their work and I in mine. For, brother, in spite of all the little miseries, I work with great animation.

Letter 187
Translation courtesy of Robert Harrison.
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Such things grieve the soul

Vincent van Gogh to Theo van Gogh, from The Hague, c. 15 April 1882

I sent the 25 guilders to Mr. Tersteeg at once, and have received a receipt for it without one written word. He may talk about being “hurt,” but I wish he would only consider how hurt I must have felt, always hearing such things as, “You do not earn your living, you have lost your rights,” and I don't know what else. Such things really don't hurt less but infinitely more than what I said to him - such things sometimes pierce the heart and deeply grieve the soul. . . .

As to his buying or not, I consider that quite different, quite separate from personal disputes or differences of view on some subjects; I should think whether or not he buys from me would depend not on me but on my work. Let him buy my work (as I make more progress) or not buy it because he either does or doesn't like it. He may buy it for himself or another, but it is not exactly fair to let a personal antipathy influence one's judgment, or, on the other hand, to let the personal charm of some artist influence one into overlooking faults in his work.

Letter 187
Translation courtesy of Robert Harrison.
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The void in the heart

Vincent van Gogh to Theo van Gogh, from The Hague, c. 10 April 1882

In my opinion the enclosed is the best figure I have drawn yet, therefore I thought I should send it to you.

I think this drawing would look well on a simple grey mount. Of course I don't always draw this way, but I'm very fond of the English drawings done in this style, so no wonder I tried it for once; and as it was for you, and you understand these things, I didn't hesitate to be rather melancholy. I wanted to say something like

“But there remains the void in the heart,
That nothing will fill”

As in Michelet's book.

Letter 186
Translation courtesy of Robert Harrison.
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Much drawing and little color

Vincent van Gogh to Theo van Gogh, from The Hague, early April 1882

My thanks for the package of splendid Ingres paper and for the studies. Perhaps someday when people begin to say that I can draw a little but not paint, I shall suddenly come out with a picture at a moment when they least expect it. But I certainly won't as long as it looks as though I were obliged to, and as though I must not do something else.

There are two ways of thinking about painting, how not to do it and how to do it: how to do it - with much drawing and little color; how not to do it - with much color and little drawing.

Letter 184
Translation courtesy of Robert Harrison.
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A new order, but a very difficult one

Vincent van Gogh to Theo van Gogh, from The Hague, early April 1882,

As to the money for Tersteeg, when I first arrived here, he and Mauve were so kind and said I need not worry; but in less than a month they suddenly changed and spoke quite differently, thinking perhaps that I should give up. At first it hurt me, and then later it left me rather cold, and I thought, I will try not to mind.

. . . . C. M. has paid me and given me a new order, but a very difficult one - six special detailed views of the town. However, I will try to make them, for if I understand it correctly, I shall get as much for these six as for the first twelve. And later perhaps he will still want some sketches of Amsterdam.

Letter 184
Translation courtesy of Robert Harrison.
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A pair of trousers

Vincent van Gogh to Theo van Gogh, from The Hague, early April 1882

I see a chance of making my money do if you can arrange to send another 100 fr. about the middle of this month; it will last me until the beginning of May. I have not been able to pay Tersteeg out of the 100 fr. you just sent me: I have so many expenses, and, for instance, I could no longer put off paying the rent or buying a pair of trousers. If you send again about the middle of April, I can return it to him then (and will do so if you insist). But I would rather make a drawing for it sometime. I must not do it this way - I must not pay cash to dealers. My debt to you is different, we don't know how things will go. If you remain an art dealer, you will get drawings and pictures for it in time; if you become a painter, I will pay you back the money with interest into the bargain.

Letter 184
Translation courtesy of Robert Harrison.
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A real handicraft

Vincent van Gogh to Theo van Gogh, from The Hague, early April 1882

As to Cor's education or Mother's support, the money for these two things will not be lacking, even if you become a painter. And as to yourself, your food, drink, sleep, your studio, your model…they are not far off; if the thought of painting should be aroused in you, you would see that it can be done.

But so that you won't suspect me of overlooking the financial end, I should like to say - though with all respect for your present position as a dealer - unless one has a real handicraft and can make something with one's own hands, I doubt the soundness of the position. . . . People who possess thought and intelligence, and of course I count you among them and should also like to count myself among them, are the best fitted for handicraft.

To sum up. If you take up painting, you will succeed, and at about your thirtieth year you will have a good position as a painter - anyway, no worse than the one you have now. If you begin to paint, you will certainly not be a mediocrity in the bad sense of the word.

Letter 184
Translation courtesy of Robert Harrison.
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Your second youth begins

Vincent van Gogh to Theo van Gogh, from The Hague, early April 1882

If a painter seized you by the arm and said, Look, Theo, you must draw that field like this: the lines of the furrows go this way, for such and such reasons and no other; they are brought into perspective this way. And that pollard willow being so tall, the other one higher up is so small, and you can measure the difference in size in this way. Look, when you hammer that onto the paper, those lines will be correct, and you have a solid foundation under your feet on which to work.

Such a conversation, provided he can put his theory into practice, would be much more effective in my case than many talks on either abstract or financial matters. I will not continue that train of thought much longer, but you are just on the verge of someday getting an insight into this practice, and if you happen to draw something correctly - in other words, if you learn to see the perspective of things - then you will be through with art dealing and will feel, like Correggio, I too am a painter. At the same time you will see that you are in your element, and then - then you will be younger and more hopeful than ever before; then your second youth begins: it is better than the first, for, thank God, the second one does not pass away - does not pass away like the first. For my first youth is gone, and yours will soon be gone too.

Letter 184
Translation courtesy of Robert Harrison.
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An irresistible longing to draw a thousand other things

Vincent van Gogh to Theo van Gogh, from The Hague, early April 1882

I remember quite well, now that you write about it, that at the time when you spoke of my becoming a painter, I thought it very impractical and would not hear of it. What made me stop doubting was reading a clear book on perspective, Cassange's Guide to the ABC of Drawing; and a week later I drew the interior of a kitchen with stove, chair, table and window - in their places and on their legs - whereas before it had seemed to me that getting depth and the right perspective into a drawing was witchcraft or pure chance. If only you drew one thing right, you would feel an irresistible longing to draw a thousand other things. But one sheep has to cross the bridge to get the others to follow.

Letter 184
Translation courtesy of Robert Harrison.
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One can earn a living just as well as a blacksmith

Vincent van Gogh to Theo van Gogh, from The Hague, early April 1882

Painting is a profession in which one can earn a living just as well as a blacksmith or a physician. At all events an artist is the exact opposite of a man who lives on his income, and I repeat, if one wants to make a comparison, there is more similarity between an artist and either a blacksmith or a physician.

Letter 184
Translation courtesy of Robert Harrison.
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At thirty you will still be young

Vincent van Gogh to Theo van Gogh, from The Hague, early April 1882

I have sat down to write you several times, but I couldn't bring myself to finish the letter. The reason was that I wanted to write about several things which had made me think the necessity of your becoming a painter so very evident. But what I had written wasn't quite right, and I couldn't find words strong enough.

Your objections are true, but on the other hand there are many other things which counterbalance them. By thirty you would have made such progress that people would have to acknowledge you as a painter and value your work. And at thirty you will still be young.

What you have learned at Goupil's, your knowledge of many things, will simply enable you to overtake many who “started early.” For those early beginners often have a sterile period, remaining on the same level for years; someone who begins energetically later on need not go through such a period.

Letter 184
Translation courtesy of Robert Harrison.
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I can't do the things that ought to be done

Vincent van Gogh to Theo van Gogh, from The Hague, early April 1882

I do wish I did not have to give Tersteeg back those 25 guilders, for I need the money so badly to continue working with energy. Tersteeg is no poorer for it, and at first he said himself that I need not worry about the money. My work must suffer for every 25 guilders I can't have, and if I can't do the things that ought to be done.

If I get my portfolios full of studies, they will repay me in money later on. I would rather earn more by and by than now; I would rather learn my profession well than hurry to get a little drawing sold for pity's sake.

Letter 185
Translation courtesy of Robert Harrison.
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I shouldn't make any progress

Vincent van Gogh to Theo van Gogh, from The Hague, early April 1882

It is true, Theo, that recently, since I've been here in The Hague, I have spent more than 100 fr. a month; but if I didn't, I shouldn't be able to work with models and I shouldn't make any progress.

I see it in other painters, Breitner, for instance; they are afraid to take models regularly and they work little and slowly - and even then, not always well. Lately Breitner, however, has taken models again, and then there is much more character in his work; but now he is ill. The English painters, especially the draughtsmen for the Graphic, etc., have models almost every day. One really cannot do without it, I think. It's all right when somebody with years of experience draws the figure from memory after having studied it a great deal, but it seems to me too risky to work from memory systematically. Even Israëls, Blommers and Neuhuys don't do it, though they have so much experience.

So if I have spent more than 100 fr. a month here, it is because I couldn't do with less. And, believe me, I don't spend thoughtlessly or carelessly.

Letter 185
Translation courtesy of Robert Harrison.
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The lines which will seem entirely natural

Vincent van Gogh to Theo van Gogh, from The Hague, early April 1882

I should love to make more studies from the nude. You know I drew Exercices au Fusain, several times even, but no female figures are included.

Of course, it is quite different to draw it from life.

A little sketch such as the enclosed is quite simple in line. But when you are sitting in front of your model, it is difficult enough to get those simple characteristic lines. Those lines are so simple that one can trace them with the pen, but I repeat, the problem is to find those principal lines, so that the essence is expressed with a few strokes or scratches. It is not easy to select the lines which will seem entirely natural.

Letter 185
Translation courtesy of Robert Harrison.
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I am busy with very difficult things

Vincent van Gogh to Theo van Gogh, from The Hague, early April 1882

When I hear Tersteeg talk about “charm” and “saleable,” I merely think, Work which one has plodded hard at and which one has tried to put some character and sentiment into is neither unattractive nor unsaleable. And it is perhaps better not to please everybody at first.

What fine weather we are having, there are signs of spring everywhere. I cannot drop drawing from the figure, this comes first with me, but sometimes I cannot keep from working outdoors. But I am busy with very difficult things which I must not give up.

Letter 185
Translation courtesy of Robert Harrison.
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A great hidden force of working and creating

Vincent van Gogh to Theo van Gogh, from The Hague, early April 1882

When I write you, Become a painter, it isn't, after all, because I think your present position without charm of its own. But I think it is even better to be a painter, and I wish you could work in a studio of your own instead of at a desk in your office. That's it.

I am sure that there in your studio something would be roused in you that you do not know now - a great hidden force of working and creating. And this, once roused, is roused forever.

Letter 185
Translation courtesy of Robert Harrison.
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Work as well as one can today

Vincent van Gogh to Theo van Gogh, from The Hague, early April 1882

It is splendid to look at something and admire it, to think about it and keep hold of it, and then to say, I am going to draw and work at it until I have fixed it on paper. Of course I do not mean to say I am so satisfied with my work that I think I need not do better still. But the way to do better later on is to work as well as one can today, then there will be progress tomorrow.

Letter 185
Translation courtesy of Robert Harrison.
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It is like growing young again

Vincent van Gogh to Theo van Gogh, from The Hague, early April 1882

You must not wonder at my writing urging you to become a painter. Because just now I myself am in a period in which my former drudgery has become more of a pleasure.

For every week I now do something which I couldn't do before, and as I have already mentioned, it is like growing young again. And the consciousness that nothing, except illness, can take from me the force which is now beginning to develop - this consciousness is what gives me courage for the future and helps me bear the many difficulties of the present.

Letter 185
Translation courtesy of Robert Harrison.
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