The very first thing which I value
Vincent van Gogh to Theo van Gogh, from The Hague, 22 June 1883
The one thing I hope for more than anything else is that when you come, you will find that I have made progress and that there is some good in my work. From time to time you have written me that you found something in it; I don't think you were mistaken, or that Tersteeg is right, with his absolute indifference which is almost hostile. Yes, that is the very first thing which I value: that you who from the very beginning have done so much - nay, everything - for my work may continue to find some good in it. If I can bring this about, your visit would make me forget all the cares of the whole year.
Letter 295
Translation courtesy of Robert Harrison.
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That must not discourage you
Vincent van Gogh to Theo van Gogh, from The Hague, 22 June 1883
Now about these drawings, Theo, I don't think I shall sell them. I still remember what Israëls said to Van der Weele about the latter's large picture: “You certainly won't sell it, but that must not discourage you, for it will give you new friends and enable you to sell other things.”
Someday, when I can afford it, I will make on canvas an elaborate sketch such as I have now made on paper, and try my hand at painting again. But I should have to take great pains with the models for it, otherwise it would certainly be a failure. I have a few things in mind that will do well painted in oil.
Letter 295
Translation courtesy of Robert Harrison.
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The thing one makes will be original
Vincent van Gogh to Theo van Gogh, from The Hague, 22 June 1883
I also have a good time, apart from many financial worries - many other worries too - but with my work I am in luck: I have been working with enormous pleasure lately, and with a firm feeling of “being on the open road,” as Rappard says of himself in the letter which I sent you. Yes, boy, one perseveres and works on without minding the rest, if one tries honestly and freely to fathom nature, and does not lose hold of what one has in mind whatever people may say, then one feels calm and steady and faces the future quietly. Yes, one may make mistakes, one may perhaps exaggerate here or there, but the thing one makes will be original. You have read in Rappard's letter the words: “I used to make things now in this, then in that style, without sufficient personality: but these last drawings have at least a character of their own, and I feel that I have found my way.” I feel almost the same thing now.
Letter 295
Translation courtesy of Robert Harrison.
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I will leave it to time
Vincent van Gogh to Theo van Gogh, from The Hague, 22 June 1883
I should not be in the least surprised if he considered it crazy work, or absolutely absurd, because he said he would rather not have anything to do with it. But even if he does find it absurd or crazy, I don't think I should let it upset me, or take his opinion as decisive or conclusive.
I always think it possible that the time will come when Tersteeg will have another opinion of me, also of my actions now and last year. But I will leave it to time, and if he persists in thinking everything I do is wrong, well, I will take it in my stride and go my own way as if he did not exist.
Letter 295
Translation courtesy of Robert Harrison.
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Plodding on for a day and half a night
Vincent van Gogh to Theo van Gogh, from The Hague, 15-17 June 1883
In composing a drawing almost more than in painting thought and concentration play a part, and I for one get good results by plodding on for a day and half a night, as I did on that last one. In that way one can become productive, too - it absorbs one enormously. But just when one feels so much attracted by the work, one must stick to it till one drops with exhaustion, so to speak.
Letter 294
Translation courtesy of Robert Harrison.
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A little outside the ordinary rules
Vincent van Gogh to Theo van Gogh, from The Hague, 15-17 June 1883
I adopted the manner of some English artists, without thinking of imitating them, but probably because I am attracted by the same kinds of things in nature; they are reproduced by relatively few, so that if one wants to make them, one must seek a way to express what one feels and venture a little outside the ordinary rules to render them exactly as one wants. (Like Rappard, whose drawing had all kinds of machines in action, which hardly anybody else would think of attacking, and which are not at all what one is accustomed to calling picturesque.)
Letter 294
Translation courtesy of Robert Harrison.
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Then the dreaminess goes out of it
Vincent van Gogh to Anthon van Rappard, from The Hague, 14-15 June 1883
When once I feel - I know - a subject, I usually draw three or more variations of it whether it is figure or landscape - but every time and for each one I consult nature. And I even do my best not to give details - for then the dreaminess goes out of it. And when Tersteeg and my brother, and others, say, “What is this, is it grass or cabbage?” - then I answer, “Delighted that you can't make it out.”
And yet they are sufficiently true to nature for the honest natives of these parts to recognize certain details which I have hardly paid any attention to; they will say, for instance, “Yes, that's Mrs. Renesse's hedge,” or, “Look, there are Van de Louw's beanpoles.”
Letter R37
Translation courtesy of Robert Harrison.
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That was not accidental
Vincent van Gogh to Anthon van Rappard, from The Hague, 14-15 June 1883
You said it yourself - they are felt; all right, but that was not accidental; I drew them over and over again before, and that feeling was not in them then. After that - after the iron-like ones - came these, and also that clumsiness and awkwardness. How does it happen that I express something with that? - because the thing has shaped itself in my mind before I start on it.
The first ones are absolutely repulsive to others. I say this to make you understand that, when there is something in it, this is not accidental but most certainly reasoned out and willed.
Letter R37
Translation courtesy of Robert Harrison.
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I am more myself
Vincent van Gogh to Anthon van Rappard, from The Hague, 14-15 June 1883
It must not surprise you that some of my figures are so entirely different from the ones that I sometimes make after the model. I very seldom work from memory - I hardly practice that method. But I am getting so used to being confronted immediately with nature that I am keeping my personal feelings unfettered to a far greater extent than in the beginning - and I get less dizzy - and I am more myself just because I am confronted with nature. If I have the good fortune to find a model who is quiet and collected, then I draw it repeatedly, and then at last a study turns up which is different from an ordinary study - I mean more characteristic, more deeply felt.
Letter R37
Translation courtesy of Robert Harrison.
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One must study seriously
Vincent van Gogh to Theo van Gogh, from The Hague, 13-14 June 1883
I am working with great animation these days, and am relatively untired because I am so interested in it. As you know, I had repressed my desire to make compositions for a long time, and in that respect a revolution has taken place in me now because the time was ripe for it, and I breathe more freely now that I have loosened the reins which I had put on myself. But I believe it was a good thing after all that I drudged so long on the studies; for it is true in all things, especially with regard to figures, that one must study seriously, and not suppose that one knows it already.
Letter 293
Translation courtesy of Robert Harrison.
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I hardly know myself what is best
Vincent van Gogh to Theo van Gogh, from The Hague, 10 June 1883
It would be a splendid thing to paint. . . . I wish I could talk it over with Mauve. But perhaps it's better as it is, for it does not always help to get advice from somebody else, clever though he may be, and those who are cleverest are not always clever in explaining things clearly. I repeat, I hardly know myself what is best. In the first place, painting is not my principal object, and perhaps I will be ready for illustrating sooner all by myself than if somebody, who wouldn't think of illustrations at all, advised me.
Letter 292
Translation courtesy of Robert Harrison.
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Working and seeking in the same spirit
Vincent van Gogh to Theo van Gogh, from The Hague, 10 June 1883
Indeed, one can have a deep longing sometimes to talk things over with people who know about one's craft. Especially if each works and seeks in the same spirit, it is possible greatly to strengthen and animate each other, and one is not so easily discouraged. One cannot always live away from one's native land, and one's native land is not nature alone - there must also be human hearts who search for and feel the same things. And only then is the native land perfect, only then does one feel at home.
Letter 292
Translation courtesy of Robert Harrison.
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The way I have it in my mind
Vincent van Gogh to Theo van Gogh, from The Hague, 10 June 1883
Since I wrote you last I have been drudging very hard on that drawing of the refuse dump: it is a splendid scene.
The first drawing of it has already undergone so many corrections; first it was white, then black in all kinds of patches, so that I copied it on a second sheet, because the first one was too overworked. And I am working on it anew. I must get up early in the morning for it, for then I get the effects I need. If I could only get it the way I have it in my mind!
. . . . For the moment it is looking rather good, but I am afraid I'll spoil it. But one must not be afraid of that either, otherwise one never succeeds.
Letter 292
Translation courtesy of Robert Harrison.
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Not the slightest pretension to perfection
Vincent van Gogh to Theo van Gogh, from The Hague, 5-6 June 1883
I suppose you will take Father's words in the same way of your own accord, so that I'm not telling you anything new, but I should be glad if, with a little good will, peace might be preserved. Last winter Father was nearly as much opposed to my living with the woman as he is in your case now, yet he sent me a warm woman's coat “I might have some use for,” not precisely indicating for what, but obviously with the thought, “Perhaps she is suffering from the cold.” Well, you see that is the right thing, and for one such deed I would endure a whole shower of words with pleasure.
For neither do I myself belong among those people who always use the right words - such people would be perfect - and I haven't the slightest pretension to perfection.
Letter 291
Translation courtesy of Robert Harrison.
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You can only gain by it
Vincent van Gogh to Theo van Gogh, from The Hague, 3 June 1883
At times a blessing may rest on love, though the world seems to think one ought to doubt this. But the blessing is rooted in the fact that if one works with love in one's heart, one can do more than otherwise, and is afraid of fewer things. And consequently one has more serenity. In short, one learns to persevere. And, my dear fellow, I believe that after all you can only gain by it.
Letter 290
Translation courtesy of Robert Harrison.
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Perhaps, perhaps
Vincent van Gogh to Theo van Gogh, from The Hague, 3 June 1883
With regard to my finances, know it well that whatever you can spare is as absolutely necessary to me as the air I breathe, and that my productivity depends on it, but I don't think you need be afraid of taking any steps toward recommending my work, for it will not be a failure; I think I can assure you we will find friends for it. . . . If Mauve gave a helping hand now, for instance, perhaps, perhaps they might be turned into paintings. I think the studies and compositions are worked out enough to serve as a foundation for a painted picture. If I had the means, I would not care to sell these at all, and I should keep my work together till it formed a good whole.
Letter 290
Translation courtesy of Robert Harrison.
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Sticking it out
Vincent van Gogh to Theo van Gogh, from The Hague, 3 June 1883
Sticking it out is not always an easy thing to do.
Look, man has no stauncher friend than his duty, and though at times it may be a rough and stern taskmaster, as long as one works in its service, one will not easily become a bankrupt.
Letter 290
Translation courtesy of Robert Harrison.
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If we persevere
Vincent van Gogh to Theo van Gogh, from The Hague, 3 June 1883
These large compositions cause many expenses if one wants to treat them conscientiously. For, boy, it must all be done with the model; even if one uses studies, one must still retouch them again, using the model. If I could take even more models, I should be able to make them much, much better. So, boy, if you think I could manage without your help for once, I assure you I need it more than ever, but I show you our chance of success if we persevere. I have already bought several things with Rappard's money - sketching blocks, etc. - and everything you send is invested in drawings, and I think you will like those I am making now better than the first ones. So let us keep up our courage and energy.
Letter 288
Translation courtesy of Robert Harrison.
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Work is an absolute necessity
Vincent van Gogh to Theo van Gogh, from The Hague, 3 June 1883
If we could only find somebody who would buy the drawings. The work is an absolute necessity for me. I can't put it off, I don't care for anything but the work; that is to say, the pleasure in something else ceases at once and I become melancholy when I can't go on with my work. Then I feel like a weaver who sees that his threads are tangled, and the pattern he had on the loom is gone to hell, and all his thought and exertion is lost.
Letter 288
Translation courtesy of Robert Harrison.
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The money is absolutely indispensable
Vincent van Gogh to Theo van Gogh, from The Hague, 3 June 1883
The money from you is absolutely indispensable to me as long as I have not found employment. Out of what I received from you today, I have to pay exactly as much as I received: I have still to pay three models who have posed several times. I have to pay the carpenter, to pay the rent, to pay the baker and the grocer and also the shoemaker, and I have to lay in some provisions. Then I have in front of me two blank sheets for new compositions, and must set to work on them. I shall again have to take a model every day, and struggle hard till I have got it down. Even though I'll get started, but you will understand that in a few days I shall be absolutely penniless, and then those terrible eight long days of not being able to do anything but wait, wait for the tenth of the month.
Letter 288
Translation courtesy of Robert Harrison.
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Two drawings in my heart
Vincent van Gogh to Theo van Gogh, from The Hague, 3 June 1883
I am sorry to hear from you that business is rather slack; if circumstances become more difficult, let us redouble our energy. I will be doubly intent on my drawings, but for the present do be doubly intent on sending the money. To me it means models, studio, bread; cutting it down would be something like choking or drowning me. I mean, I can do as little without it now as I can do without air. I had these two drawings in my heart for a long time, but I did not have the money to carry them out; and now, thanks to Rappard's money, they have got form. The creative power cannot be repressed, one must give vent to what one feels.
Letter 288
Translation courtesy of Robert Harrison.
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At last it mellows
Vincent van Gogh to Theo van Gogh, from The Hague, 3 June 1883
It was a good thing that I went to see Rappard, for his sympathy has cheered me where I hadn't enough self-confidence. But when you see these drawings, Theo, and the studies, you will understand that this year I have had as much care and trouble as a man can bear. It is devilishly difficult to hammer out a figure. And indeed, it is the same as with iron - one works on a model, and goes on working, at first with no result; but at last it mellows, and one finds the figure, like the iron, becomes malleable when it is hot, and then one must go on working on it.
Letter 288
Translation courtesy of Robert Harrison.
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Such things do not succeed all at once
Vincent van Gogh to Anthon van Rappard, from The Hague, 28 June 1882
As soon as I have a number of drawings again, as for instance the ones of the fish-drying barns or a charity court, I shall be most happy to send you some, which you may be able to sell. However, I shall not hurry, but rather wait until one of them turns out better than usual, for in that case I prefer sending it to you rather than to Amsterdam. Although I hope Amsterdam will come around again.
And let us agree that, if you do not succeed in selling it, you need not feel ashamed to return it to me, and you need not think it would discourage me, for such things do not succeed all at once. So whether it be the fault of my drawing or the fault of a possible buyer, let us agree on both sides that the miscarriage of our attempt (if it should fail) will not discourage us immediately.
Letter R10
Translation courtesy of Robert Harrison.
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Penetrate to the core of things
Vincent van Gogh to Anthon van Rappard, from The Hague, 28 June 1882
It is very pleasant here in this hospital; I am lying in a ward with ten beds, but, as I had to keep quiet, I have not been able to draw until today, and even now it is only a very faint and feeble start; I cannot do what I want and penetrate to the core of things.
But now I am allowed to go into the garden for an hour every day, and yesterday I started scribbling a little. And at least I am beginning to look at things again, though at first I felt too rotten even to use my eyes.
Letter R10
Translation courtesy of Robert Harrison.
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It does me so much good
Vincent van Gogh to Theo van Gogh, from The Hague, 22 June 1882
Rappard repeated what he had already said about my drawings in the studio, namely that he liked them and felt sympathy for them because of their style and sentiment and character. He suggested that if I had some more like them, I should send them to him, as he thought he might be able to find a buyer. You can imagine that this is what I like best; it does me so much good when people find some sympathy for my work. For it is so discouraging and dispiriting, and acts like a damper, when one never hears, This or that is right, and full of sentiment and character. It is so cheering to realize that others feel something of what one has tried to express. Van Rappard also liked a few of the nude studies.
Letter 208
Translation courtesy of Robert Harrison.
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Art is jealous
Vincent van Gogh to Anthon van Rappard, from The Hague, 4-5 June 1882
Art is jealous, and demands our whole strength; and then, when one devotes all one's powers to it, to be looked upon as a kind of unpractical fellow and all kinds of other things - yes, that leaves a bitter taste in one's mouth.
Oh well, we must try to carry on.
Letter R09
Translation courtesy of Robert Harrison.
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Such experiences are not exactly very encouraging
Vincent van Gogh to Anthon van Rappard, from The Hague, 4 -5 June 1882
I got a letter about my drawings, but received even less than I expected, although I did not expect more than 30 guilders for the seven sheets. I received 20 guilders with a scolding in the bargain: did I happen to think that such drawings had the slightest commercial value?
I think you will admit that times are not easy, and such experiences (and there are so many worse things - compared with other kinds of treatment, this may be called generous) - and such experiences, I say, are not exactly very encouraging.
Letter R09
Translation courtesy of Robert Harrison.
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My street clothes are getting very shabby
Vincent van Gogh to Theo van Gogh, from The Hague, 3 June 1882
I should be very pleased if you perhaps had in your wardrobe a discarded coat and pair of trousers fit for me. For when I buy something, I do my best to get things which are as practical as possible for working in the dunes or at home, but my street clothes are getting very shabby. And though I am not ashamed to wear common clothes when I go out to work, I am ashamed indeed of gentlemen's clothes that have a shabby genteel air.
Letter 205
Translation courtesy of Robert Harrison.
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My real intentions
Vincent van Gogh to Theo van Gogh, from The Hague, 2-3 June 1882
Just think, Theo, how different things might have been at home, for instance, if Father could have been less distrustful of me, a bit less suspicious; if, instead of considering me a person who could only do wrong, he had shown more patience and good will in order to understand my real intentions - in which he has always been sorely mistaken. In the first place, he would have felt less grief on my account, and would have been easier in his mind about me; and in the second place, he would have spared me much sorrow. For it is a great sorrow to think, This is worse than having no home at all, no father, no mother, no relations - and I have often thought so, as I do now.
Letter 201
Translation courtesy of Robert Harrison.
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Something of the sublime
Vincent van Gogh to Theo van Gogh, from The Hague, 1-2 June 1882
I think it a delightful prospect that you are coming, I am longing to know what impression Sien will make on you. There is nothing special about her, she is just an ordinary woman of the people who has something of the sublime for me. Whoever loves a plain, ordinary person and has endeared himself to her is happy - despite the dark side of life. Had she not needed help last winter then the bond between her and me would not have been forged in the circumstances, that is after my disappointment and spurned love. As it was, however, it was precisely the feeling of being able to do something useful after all, despite that disappointment, that brought me to myself again and revived me. Not that I went out looking for it, but I found it, and now there is a warm affection between her and me and it would be quite wrong to give that up.
Letter 204
Translation courtesy of Robert Harrison.
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