That painful way of working

Vincent van Gogh to Theo van Gogh, from The Hague, 8 February 1883

In the studies, too, one is conscious of a nervousness and a certain dryness which is the exact opposite of the calm, broad touch one strives for, and yet it doesn't work well if one applies oneself too much to acquiring that broadness of touch.

This gives one a feeling of nervous unrest and agitation, and one feels an oppression as on summer days before a thunderstorm. I had that feeling again just now, and when I have it, I change my work, just to make a new start.

That trouble one has at the beginning sometimes gives an awkwardness to the studies.

But I do not take this as a discouragement, because I have noticed it in myself as well as in others, who afterwards just slowly got rid of it.

And I believe that sometimes one keeps that painful way of working one's whole life, but not always with so little result as in the beginning.

Letter 265
Translation courtesy of Robert Harrison.
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