"Whosoever shall lose his life"

Vincent van Gogh to Anthon van Rappard, from The Hague, c. 8 May 1883

In a certain sense there is something peculiar in the constitution of every painter. Temporary fits of weakness, nervousness, melancholy are often caused by the exertion of working; but at the same time there is something like a rebound, so that weakness, etc., may be overcome again by exertion.

. . . I'll tell you frankly that sometimes I feel clearly that these two forces of exhaustion and reinforcement in my constitution are there through one and the same cause - the exertion of working. And I have so much faith in this, not only for myself but also for others, that last year, for instance, when I was ill, I boldly disregarded some of the doctor's advice, not because I thought his advice wrong, or because I thought I knew better, but because I reasoned like this, "Life means painting to me and not so much preserving my constitution." Sometimes the mysterious words "Whosoever shall lose his life shall find it" are as clear as daylight.

Letter R34
Translation courtesy of Robert Harrison.
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