If I were not as I am

Vincent van Gogh to Wilhelmina van Gogh, from Paris, Summer-Fall 1887

My own adventures are confined chiefly to making swift progress toward growing into a little old man - you know, with wrinkles, a tough beard and a number of false teeth, and so on. But what does all that matter? I have a dirty and difficult trade - painting, and if I were not as I am, I should not paint; but being as I am, I often work with pleasure and can visualize the vague possibility of one day doing paintings with some youth and freshness in them, even though my own youth is one of the things I have lost.

If I didn't have Theo, I should not be able to do justice to my work, but having him for a friend, I'm sure I shall make progress and things will fall into place. As soon as possible I plan to spend some time in the south, where there is even more color and even more sun.

But what I really hope to do is to paint a good portrait. So there.

Letter W01
Translation courtesy of Robert Harrison.
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