I shall do as I think best

Vincent van Gogh to Theo van Gogh, from Drenthe, 28 October 1883

Is it a loss to drop some notions, impressed on us in childhood, that maintaining a certain rank or certain conventions is the most important thing? I myself do not even think about whether I lose by it or not. I know only by experience that those conventions and ideas do not hold true, and often are hopelessly, fatally wrong. I come to the conclusion that I do not know anything, but at the same time that this life is such a mystery that the system of "conventionality" is certainly too narrow. So that it has lost its credit with me.

What shall I do now? The common phrase is, "What is your aim, what are your aspirations?" Oh, I shall do as I think best. "How?" I can't say that beforehand - you who ask me that pretentious question, do you know what your aim is, what your intentions are?

Now they tell me, "You are unprincipled when you have no aim, no aspirations."

My answer is, I didn't tell you I had no aim, no aspirations, I said it is the height of conceit to try to force one to define what is indefinable.

Letter 336
Translation courtesy of Robert Harrison.
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