What will make me more completely human?

Vincent van Gogh to Theo van Gogh, from Drenthe, 28 October 1883

I look upon the real human feelings, life in harmony with, not against, nature, as the true civilization, which I respect as such. I ask, what will make me more completely human?

Zola says, "I, as an artist, want to live as vigorously as possible - I want to live", without mental reservation - naive as a child, no, not as a child, as an artist - with good will, however life presents itself, I shall find something in it, I will try my best on it. Now look at all those studied little mannerisms, all that convention, how exceedingly conceited it really is, how absurd, a man thinking he knows everything and that things go according to his idea, as if there were not in all things of life a "je ne sais quoi" of great goodness, and also an element of evil, which we feel to be infinitely above us, infinitely greater, infinitely mightier than we are.

How fundamentally wrong is the man who doesn't feel himself small, who doesn't realize he is but an atom.

Letter 336
Translation courtesy of Robert Harrison.
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