To make something serious

Vincent van Gogh to Theo van Gogh, from The Hague, 25 February 1882

Of course I should be very happy to sell a drawing, but I am happier still when a real artist like Weissenbruch says about an unsaleable??? study or drawing, "That is true to nature, I could work from it myself." Although money is of great value to me, especially now, the principal thing is for me to make something serious. . . .

It may take a longer or a shorter time, but the surest way is to penetrate deep into nature. "It remains to be true," Gavarni says. One may be in pecuniary difficulties for some time; but one gets over that, and then the drawings that were refused at first are sold.

Letter 177
Translation courtesy of Robert Harrison.
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I can hardly call it friendly

Vincent van Gogh to Anthon van Rappard, from Nuenen, 25 February 1884

I can hardly call it friendly that you haven't written me a single word in all this time; but as I suppose you will agree with me on this point more or less, I will not pursue the subject right now. . . .

I have thought repeatedly about the fact that we made some sort of agreement that I was to send you a few watercolors this winter. But, as I heard absolutely nothing from you, I must tell you frankly that I did not feel the slightest inclination to do so. So the whole thing came to nothing - although I have done some.

Letter R40
Translation courtesy of Robert Harrison.
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The sacred fire

Vincent van Gogh to Theo van Gogh, from Nuenen, c. 18-23 February 1884

Francois Coppee's "Desir dans le spleen" especially I think so true, it paints how, in those very souls that are exhausted and on the verge of dropping, there arises at moments that infinite renewal of desire, as if they had no past behind them. I thought of Rembrandt's "Jewish Bride," and what Thore says of it. Thore in his prime, and Theophile Gautier and so many others - how things have changed since then - and how much duller everything has become. If one wants to keep some of the sacred fire alive nowadays, in short, one must show it as little as possible to others.

Letter 357
Translation courtesy of Robert Harrison.
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Yield to what is directly before one

Vincent van Gogh to Theo van Gogh, from Nuenen, c. 18-23 February 1884

The poet Francois Coppee is one of the true artists - “who put their skin in it” - which is evident from more than one poignant confession. Artist the more because he finds his inspiration in so many very diverse things, and can paint a third-class waiting room full of emigrants who are spending the night there - everything gray and gloomy and melancholy - and in another mood he can draw a little marquise dancing a minuet, as elegant as a little figure by Watteau.

That losing oneself in the present - that being quite carried away and inspired by the surroundings in which one chances to be - how can one help it? And even if one should resist it at will, of what use would it be, why shouldn't one yield to what is directly before one, this being apres tout, the surest way to create something.

Letter 357
Translation courtesy of Robert Harrison.
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We shall keep a straight course

Vincent van Gogh to Theo van Gogh, from Nuenen, c. 1 February 1884

I want to feel free with you, but at the same time with equal sincerity I want you to feel free with me. If there should be something in my work that pleases you, I shall feel very happy; and if it should not please you and you should not want to have anything to do with it, then I should not be able to say anything about it.

Moreover, whatever the difference in feelings may be, and the difference over this or that, we are brothers, and I certainly hope that we shall go on behaving like brothers. . . .

Since I have been here, not a day has passed, I think, when I have not been working from morning till night on the weavers or the peasants; I shall be very glad if you approve of my proposal. Then extremes will be avoided and we shall keep a straight course. If you know of a better plan, I shall be glad to hear it.

Letter 360
Translation courtesy of Robert Harrison.
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Fellows like me, only just starting

Vincent van Gogh to Theo van Gogh, from Nuenen, c. 1 February 1884

So from March on I shall begin to send my work here and there regularly. And first to you, but do not think yourself obliged to take anything which you do not really care for. . . .

I do not say that I want you to look upon the things you might accept from me as something you must try to sell at once.

If for the time being you should take my work, not in the first place in your capacity as a dealer, but more especially in the quality of one who has it in his heart to do something for fellows like me, who are only just starting - that is enough for me.

But after March I will accept no money from you - or at least absolutely as little as possible - for which I do not give some work in return.

Letter 360
Translation courtesy of Robert Harrison.
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I do it rather reluctantly

Vincent van Gogh to Theo van Gogh, from Nuenen, c. 1 February 1884

Toward March I shall send you some watercolors from here. If you do not want them, I will take them to somebody else, but I prefer to deal with you.

Those watercolors will have their faults, yet I do not think it foolish of me to start showing my work, to bring it before the public's eye.

At a certain moment Rappard did the same, and carried it through from the very beginning.

I, for my part, do it rather reluctantly, but I must do it.

Letter 360
Translation courtesy of Robert Harrison.
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Charity for a poor fool

Vincent van Gogh to Theo van Gogh, from Nuenen, c. 1 February 1884

I owe a great debt to you, however, and if I continued in exactly the same way, it would grow worse and worse. Now I want to make you a proposal for the future. Let me send you my work, and keep what you like for yourself, but I insist on considering the money I receive from you after March as money I have earned. And I quite approve of it being, in the beginning, less than I have received up to now. Toward the end of January or in the beginning of February I wrote you that, on my coming home, I was struck by the fact that the money I was in the habit of receiving from you was looked upon in the first place as something precarious, and secondly as what I will call charity for a poor fool. And I could establish the fact that this opinion was even communicated to people who had absolutely nothing to do with it - for instance, the respectable natives of this region - and I was asked at least three times in one week by absolute strangers, "Why is it that you never sell your work?" . . .

For my part, I say most decidedly that whatever you may think of what I have received from you up to now, I for my part consider it as a thing which I shall pay back if possible.

If I have some luck with my work, I shall most certainly pay it back. For the present, there can be no question of it, so we will not mention it.

Letter 360
Translation courtesy of Robert Harrison.
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I hate carelessness in business

Vincent van Gogh to Theo van Gogh, from Nuenen, c. 1 February 1884

I hate carelessness in business as much as you do, and that I make a point of meeting my obligations to other people. And that I am in no mood to be careless in business matters, on the contrary, I assure you.

It is my firm intention to try to carry on my work, and you must not think I work less hard here every day than I used to.

All's well that ends well, says the proverb. Now, as to the misgivings I wrote you I felt about continuing to accept money from you. We can wind up now, at a moment when I can get off without a deficit; all the more reason for me always to call the way you dealt with me financially most generous. And I do not at all pretend it was your fault that I had a deficit at the end of last year. I only repeat that I am very glad no bill is left unpaid now.

Letter 360
Translation courtesy of Robert Harrison.
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As terrible as suicide

Vincent van Gogh to Theo van Gogh, from The Hague, c. 20-24 February 1883

Probably most people who read Notre Dame have the impression that Quasimodo was a kind of fool. But, like myself, you would not find Quasimodo ridiculous, and, like myself, you would feel the truth of what Hugo says, "For those who know that Quasimodo once existed, 'Notre Dame' is now empty. For not only did he live there, but he was the soul of it."

. . . One can apply to Thijs Maris the words, "Now there is an emptiness for those that know that it existed, for he was the soul of it, and the soul of this art was him." Well, Thijs Maris still exists, but not in his full bloom and strength, not unscathed; and disenchanted in so far as he can be disenchanted.

One of the most stupid things about the painters here is that even now they laugh at Thijs Maris. I think that as terrible as suicide. Why, as suicide? Because Thijs Maris is so much the personification of everything high and noble that in my opinion a painter cannot mock him without lowering himself. Whoever doesn't understand Maris, so much the worse for him; those who have understood him, mourn him, and regret that such a man has been broken. "A noble blade, a vile sheath" is applicable to Thijs Maris and to Quasimodo. "Within my soul I am beautiful."

Letter 268
Translation courtesy of Robert Harrison.
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Something cold, systematic and methodical

Vincent van Gogh to Theo van Gogh, from The Hague, c. 20-24 February 1883

How miserably these modern houses are constructed nowadays, compared to what they might be if they tried to make them a little more cozy. Compare a window of the present with one of Rembrandt's time. At that time everyone seemed to feel the need for a special kind of tempered light which doesn't seem to exist any more - a least they seem to aim at making it cold, harsh and unfeeling.

The workmen's houses were all right in the beginning, but I don't see that they've progressed any in the last twenty or thirty years. Quite the opposite, the attractiveness is disappearing more and more, and is being replaced by something cold, systematic and methodical, which is becoming more and more unsatisfactory.

Letter 268
Translation courtesy of Robert Harrison.
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A certain timidity

Vincent van Gogh to Theo van Gogh, from The Hague, c. 15 February 1883

Is Jules Goupil's work still good? One is inclined to ask that question when one sees men like Emile Wauters and Hoeterinks, for instance, lose their strong grip on reality, replacing it with things which are correct, yes, and have a delicate sentiment, too, but which do not reach the vigor of their earlier work and instead betray a certain timidity.

And it is sad when it's that way.

Letter 267
Translation courtesy of Robert Harrison.
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I am behind because of my age

Vincent van Gogh to Theo van Gogh, from The Hague, 11 February 1883

I hope to be able to work regularly again this week. I feel so strongly that I must work doubly hard to make up for my having started so late; it is the feeling that I am behind because of my age which worries me.

Letter 266
Translation courtesy of Robert Harrison.
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Reality and art are alike to me

Vincent van Gogh to Theo van Gogh, from The Hague, 11 February 1883

At times I regret that the woman with whom I live understands neither books nor art. But (though she definitely can't) doesn't my still being so attached to her prove that there is something sincere between us? Perhaps she will learn later on, and it may strengthen the bond between us; but now, with the children, you will understand that she has her hands full already. And especially because of the children she comes into contact with reality, and involuntarily she learns. Books and reality and art are alike to me. Somebody out of touch with real life would bore me, but somebody right in the midst of it knows and feels naturally.

If I did not look for art in reality, I should probably find her stupid; as it is I only wish it were otherwise, but after all I am contented with things as they are.

Letter 266
Translation courtesy of Robert Harrison.
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Something makes one surrender completely

Vincent van Gogh to Theo van Gogh, from The Hague, 11 February 1883

I often think of what you wrote me recently. I think there must be a great difference between the woman you met and the one I have already lived with for a full year, but what they have in common is their misfortune and their sex.

Don't you also think that if one meets someone in such a way - I mean, so weak and defenseless - something makes one surrender completely, so that one cannot imagine ever being able to desert such a person? Generally speaking, such an encounter is an apparition.

Letter 266
Translation courtesy of Robert Harrison.
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Every man weighs the scale

Vincent van Gogh to Theo van Gogh, from The Hague, 11 February 1883

Meanwhile, one gets used to things as they are, but it is not normal, and if it were possible to go back suddenly to the period of thirty, forty or fifty years ago, I think one would feel more at home in that period than in the present one - that is to say, you and I, for instance, would feel more at home in it. . . .

At their best the Dutch people are Rembrandt's "Syndics," but if the salt loses its savor, a time of stagnation follows - not immediately, but history proves that it may.

It is sometimes hard for me to believe that a period of, for instance, only fifty years is sufficient to bring about such a total change that everything is the other way around. But just by reflecting on history one learns to see those relatively quick and continual changes; from it I conclude that every man weighs the scale somewhat, no matter how little, and that how one thinks and acts does make a difference. The battle is but short, and sincerity is worth while. If many are sincere and firm, the whole period becomes good - at least, energetic.

Letter 266
Translation courtesy of Robert Harrison.
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I should like to find a real friendship

Vincent van Gogh to Theo van Gogh, from The Hague, 11 February 1883

It is sometimes difficult for me to give up a friendship, but if I go into a studio and have to think, Talk about inane things, don't mention anything of importance and don't express your real feeling about art - that would make me more melancholy than if I stayed away altogether. Just because I should like to find and keep up a real friendship, it is difficult for me to conform to a conventional friendship.

If there is a desire to be friendly on both sides, there may be some difference of opinion, but for all that, one doesn't fall out so easily, and if one does, it is easily made up. Where it is conventional, bitterness is almost unavoidable, just because one does not feel free, and even though one doesn't express one's real feelings, they are sufficiently apparent to leave a continuing disagreeable impression on both sides and to make it hopeless for one to profit from the other's society. Where there is conventional, there is mistrust, and mistrust gives rise to all kinds of intrigues. And with a little more mutual sincerity, our lives would be so much easier.

Letter 266
Translation courtesy of Robert Harrison.
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Not a soul I can confide in

Vincent van Gogh to Theo van Gogh, from The Hague, 11 February 1883

I am glad that my eyes are no worse, rather a little better, but it is not quite over yet and I must be careful. I can tell you, it was quite upsetting. How I should love to talk with you - for I am not discouraged about the work, nor listless nor disheartened, but I am at a standstill, and that is, perhaps, because I ought to have some intercourse with someone who is sympathetic to me and whom I could talk to about it; right now there is not a soul here whom I can confide in. . . .

I like the proverb, "When things are at their worst, they are sure to mend," but now and then I ask myself, "Haven't we by any chance reached the worst?" for the "mending" would not be at all unwelcome to me. Well, we'll see.

Letter 266
Translation courtesy of Robert Harrison.
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Nothing dies entirely

Vincent van Gogh to Theo van Gogh, from The Hague, 11 February 1883

You spoke of disenchantment; no, no, it is true there is a withering and budding in love as in nature, but nothing dies entirely. It is true there is an ebb and flow, but the sea remains the sea. And in love, either for a woman or for art, there are times of exhaustion and impotence, but there is no permanent disenchantment.

I consider love as well as friendship not just a feeling but also a positive action, and as such it requires doing things and exerting oneself, and exhaustion and impotence are the consequences.

A sincere and true love is a blessing, I think, though that doesn't prevent occasional hard times.

Letter 266
Translation courtesy of Robert Harrison.
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They will become your friends

Vincent van Gogh to Anthon van Rappard, from The Hague, c. 9 February 1883

If you should feel some pangs of conscience about accepting these and other sheets from "The Graphic," well, just think over whether you have ever regretted taking those first ones with you last year. I don't believe it; it may be because of this or something else - but it is a fact that you think about your collection much more often this year than you used to. And that's only natural; just having these sheets oneself causes one to think of them more often and impresses them clearly and strongly on one's mind. And so I believe that these will have the same result - they will become your friends more and more. Well, personally I don't regret having given them to you, for you appreciate them and look at them as they ought to be looked at. There are so few who have a feeling for them; and it is certainly true that since you have an eye and a heart for them, I have become so attached to your friendship that it would be hard for me to do without it.

I used to think years ago that most artists had the same kinds of feelings and ideas about art as you and I, but in some sense this is not true at all.

Letter R25
Translation courtesy of Robert Harrison.
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A kind of Bible to an artist

Vincent van Gogh to Anthon van Rappard, from The Hague, c. 9 February 1883

I firmly believe that particularly the wood engravings in these first years of the Graphic will so impress you as to give you "the full certainty" of their importance. Not that I still believe you're not attached to them with all your heart - on the contrary, I no longer have any doubt about it. . . .

Now you must accept these without any more ado, and also the other duplicates which I shall get out of the Graphics. A collection of sheets like these becomes, in my opinion, a kind of Bible to an artist, in which he reads from time to time to get in a devotional mood. I think it's not only a good thing to know them, but also to have them around continually in the studio.

Letter R25
Translation courtesy of Robert Harrison.
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The poor people and the painters

Vincent van Gogh to Theo van Gogh, from The Hague, 8 February 1883

We had a few real spring days, for instance last Monday, which I enjoyed very much.

The cycle of the seasons is a thing which is strongly felt by the people. For instance, in a neighborhood like the Geest and in those courts of almshouses or "homes of charity," the winter is always a difficult, anxious and oppressive time, and spring is a deliverance. If one pays attention, one sees that such a first spring day is a kind of Gospel message.

And it is pathetic to see so many gray, withered faces come out of doors on such a day, not to do something special, but as if to convince themselves that spring is there. So, for instance, all kinds of people, of whom one would not expect it, throng the market around the spot where a man sells crocuses, snowdrops, bluebells and other bulbs. . . . I think the poor people and the painters have in common that feeling for the weather and the cycle of the seasons.

Letter 265
Translation courtesy of Robert Harrison.
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Life is only a kind of sowing time

Vincent van Gogh to Theo van Gogh, from The Hague, 8 February 1883

What concerns me and is a source of responsibility is that I should make the most of the circumstances and try my best to make progress.

The age of thirty is, for the working man, just the beginning of a period of some stability, and as such one feels young and full of energy.

But, at the same time, a phase of life is past. This makes one melancholy, thinking some things will never come back. And it is no silly sentimentalism to feel a certain regret. Well, many things really begin at the age of thirty, and certainly all is not over then. But one doesn't expect out of life what one has already learned that it cannot give, but rather one begins to see more and more clearly that life is only a kind of sowing time, and the harvest is not here.

Perhaps that's the reason that one sometimes feels indifferent toward the opinion of the world, and if that opinion depresses us all too strongly, one may throw it off.

Perhaps I had better tear up this letter as well.

Letter 265
Translation courtesy of Robert Harrison.
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Most people me consider me a failure

Vincent van Gogh to Theo van Gogh, from The Hague, 8 February 1883

Sometimes I cannot believe that I am only thirty years old, I feel so much older.

I feel older only when I think that most people who know me consider me a failure, and how it really might be so, if some things do not change for the better; and when I think it might be so, I feel it so vividly that it quite depresses me and makes me as downhearted as if it were really so. In a calmer and more normal mood I am sometimes glad that thirty years have passed, and not without teaching me something for the future, and I feel strength and energy for the next thirty years, if I should live that long.

And in my imagination I see years of serious work before me, and happier ones than the first thirty.

How it will be in reality doesn't depend only on myself, the world and circumstances must also contribute to it.

Letter 265
Translation courtesy of Robert Harrison.
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To dare more and to risk more

Vincent van Gogh to Theo van Gogh, from The Hague, 8 February 1883

I sometimes think I will make an experiment, and try to work in quite a different way, that is, to dare more and to risk more . . . .

But while finding more and more that one is not perfect oneself, and makes mistakes, and that other people do likewise, so that difficulties continually arise which are the opposite of illusions, I think that those who do not lose courage and who do not become indifferent, ripen through it, and one must bear hardships in order to ripen.

Letter 265
Translation courtesy of Robert Harrison.
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A passion, a firm hand

Vincent van Gogh to Theo van Gogh, from The Hague, 8 February 1883

I have developed a growing longing to see more of Daumier's work. There is pith and a sober depth in him, he is witty and yet full of sentimental passion; sometimes, for instance in "The Drunkards," and possibly also in "The Barricade," which I do not know, I find a passion which can be compared to the white heat of iron.

The same thing occurs in certain heads by Frans Hals, for instance, it is so sober that it seems cold; but when you look at it for a short while you are astonished to see how someone working apparently with so much emotion and so completely wrapped up in nature had at the same time the presence of mind to put it down with such a firm hand.

Letter 265
Translation courtesy of Robert Harrison.
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That painful way of working

Vincent van Gogh to Theo van Gogh, from The Hague, 8 February 1883

In the studies, too, one is conscious of a nervousness and a certain dryness which is the exact opposite of the calm, broad touch one strives for, and yet it doesn't work well if one applies oneself too much to acquiring that broadness of touch.

This gives one a feeling of nervous unrest and agitation, and one feels an oppression as on summer days before a thunderstorm. I had that feeling again just now, and when I have it, I change my work, just to make a new start.

That trouble one has at the beginning sometimes gives an awkwardness to the studies.

But I do not take this as a discouragement, because I have noticed it in myself as well as in others, who afterwards just slowly got rid of it.

And I believe that sometimes one keeps that painful way of working one's whole life, but not always with so little result as in the beginning.

Letter 265
Translation courtesy of Robert Harrison.
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One unconsciously makes it hard for oneself

Vincent van Gogh to Theo van Gogh, from The Hague, 8 February 1883

Since I wrote to you last, I have given my eyes some rest and it has done me good, though they still ache now and then.

Do you know what has come into my mind, that in the first period of a painter's life one unconsciously makes it very hard for oneself - a feeling of not being able to master the work - by an uncertainty as to whether one will ever master it - by a great ambition to make progress, by a lack of self-confidence - one cannot banish a certain feeling of agitation, and one hurries oneself though one doesn't like to be hurried.

This cannot be helped, and it is a time which one must go through, and which in my opinion cannot and should not be otherwise.

Letter 265
Translation courtesy of Robert Harrison.
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