Working on to the utmost

Vincent van Gogh to Theo van Gogh, from The Hague, 22 July 1883

I do not approve, Theo, of spending more than one receives, but when it is a question of going on strike or working on, I vote for working on to the utmost.

Millet and the other masters worked on till writs were served on them, or some have been in prison, or have had to move from one place to another, but I do not see that any one of them gave up his work.

And I am only beginning, but I see it from afar, like a dark shadow, and sometimes it makes my work gloomy.

Letter 301
Translation courtesy of Robert Harrison.
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If only I may keep your sympathy

Vincent van Gogh to Theo van Gogh, from The Hague, 22 July 1883

Yet, Theo, you need not spare me if it's only a question of money - if only as a friend and a brother you keep a little sympathy for my work, saleable or unsaleable. If only I may keep your sympathy in this respect, I care very little for all the rest, and we must calmly and deliberately find ways and means. . . .

Oh, Theo, I could make so much more progress if I could spend a little more. But I can't find the way out, I am handicapped by expenses everywhere. When I read the biographies of other painters, I find that they all needed money and were miserable when they couldn't go on.

Letter 301
Translation courtesy of Robert Harrison.
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I work in the present

Vincent van Gogh to Theo van Gogh, from The Hague, 22 July 1883

So for today I finish with the question, Theo, when you spoke to me about painting in the beginning, and if we had then foreseen my current work, should we have hesitated in thinking it right for me to become a painter (or draftsman, what's the difference?)

I do not think we should have hesitated about going on then if we could have foreseen these photographs for instance, should we? For surely it takes a painter's hand and eye to create such a scene in the dunes, in some form or other.

But now it often happens that I feel so downhearted when I see people behave so hostilely and indifferently that I lose all my courage. But then I cheer up again, and go back to my work and laugh at it, and because I work in the present, and let no day go by without working, I believe that there is indeed hope for me in the future, though I do not feel it, for I tell you, there is no space left in my brain for philosophizing about the future, either for upsetting me or for comforting me. I think my duty is to stick to the present with regard to me, too, and let us persevere as far as we can persevere, today rather than tomorrow.

Letter 301
Translation courtesy of Robert Harrison.
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I love painting so

Vincent van Gogh to Theo van Gogh, from The Hague, 22 July 1883

I am almost sorry to have started painting again, for I wish I hadn't begun it if I can't carry on. I can't do without colors, and colors are expensive, and I can't get more on credit because I still owe a little to Leurs and Stam. And yet I love painting so. . . .

The sea, which I love enormously, must be brushed in oil, otherwise one cannot get hold of it.

Look here, Theo, I only hope you won't get discouraged, for indeed, when you speak of, "giving no hope for the future," it makes me melancholy. You must keep courage and energy to send the money, otherwise I'm on the rocks and cannot go on.

Letter 301
Translation courtesy of Robert Harrison.
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My life is too cramped and meager

Vincent van Gogh to Theo van Gogh, from The Hague, 22 July 1883

I feel my ardor vanishing, one needs to have a fixed point somewhere. When you say, "Set your hopes on the future," it sounds to me as if you yourself had no confidence in me.

Is this true? I can't help it, my spirits are low because of all these cares. I only wish you were here.

You say that the effect of the lithographs is somewhat meager. I am not in the least surprised when I think of how a man's physique influences his work, and my life is too cramped and meager. Really, Theo, we ought to have had a little more to eat for the sake of the work, but I could not afford it, and it will remain so as long as I cannot breathe a little more freely.

Letter 301
Translation courtesy of Robert Harrison.
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The burden is sometimes so heavy

Vincent van Gogh to Theo van Gogh, from The Hague, 22 July 1883

The weeks passed - many, many weeks and months of late - when the expenses were repeatedly heavier than I could afford, notwithstanding all my worrying and economizing and however much I racked my brains. As soon as your money arrives, I must not only manage to live ten days on it, but I have so many things to pay for at once that from the start those ten days which are ahead are bound to mean starvation. . . .

And it happens to me, too: when I am sitting in the dunes or somewhere else, I have a faint feeling in my stomach because there isn't enough to eat. . . .

Well, I should not care, Theo, if I could only stick to the thought, It will come out right, we must go on. But now your saying, "I can give you little hope for the future," is like "the hair that finally breaks the camel's back" to me. The burden is sometimes so heavy that one extra hair is enough to make the animal sink to the ground.

Now what am I to do?

Letter 301
Translation courtesy of Robert Harrison.
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"Let us hope for better times"

Vincent van Gogh to Theo van Gogh, from The Hague, 22 July 1883

So now my first batch of photographs for you to show to some artists coincides with your "I can give you little hope for the future." Has anything happened? . . .

It wouldn't make me so melancholy, brother, if you hadn't added something which worries me. You say, "Let us hope for better times."

You see, in my opinion that is one of those things one should beware of. To hope for better times must not be a feeling but an action in the present. My actions depend on yours in that if you should stop sending money, I couldn't go on and should just be in a desperate position.

Just because I felt the hope for better times strongly, I threw all my strength into the present work, without thinking of the future other than to trust the work would find its wages, though we must pinch ourselves as to food, drink and clothes more and more every week.

There was the question of Scheveningen, the question of painting. I thought, "All right, let's carry it through." But now I could almost wish I had not started it, boy, for the expenses are heavy and I cannot meet them.

Letter 301
Translation courtesy of Robert Harrison.
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"Little hope for the future"

Vincent van Gogh to Theo van Gogh, from The Hague, 22 July 1883

Thanks for your letter, thanks for the enclosure, though I cannot repress a feeling of sadness at your saying, "I can give you little hope for the future."

If you mean this only in a financial sense, I shouldn't mind it so much, but if it's in reference to my work, I don't quite understand why I deserve it. . . .

I do not know what you mean by that expression, how can I know it? Your letter is too short, but it hit me unexpectedly right in the heart.

But I should like to know what you really mean by it, whether you have noticed that I have made some progress or not.

Letter 301
Translation courtesy of Robert Harrison.
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It became too much today

Vincent van Gogh to Theo van Gogh, from The Hague, 22 July 1883

It became too much today. Work is the only remedy; if that does not help, one breaks down.

And you see the trouble is that the possibility of working depends on selling the work, for there are expenses - the more one works, the greater the expenses are (though the latter is not true in every respect). When one does not sell and has no other income, it is impossible to make the progress which would otherwise follow of its own accord.

The fact is, brother, that the general state of affairs oppressed me more than I could bear, and I am telling you my thoughts. I only wish you would come soon. And do write soon, for I need it. Of course there is nobody but you whom I can speak to about it, for it does not concern other people, and they have nothing to do with it.

Letter 302
Translation courtesy of Robert Harrison.
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If one tries one's utmost

Vincent van Gogh to Theo van Gogh, from The Hague, 22 July 1883

But, boy, you know it yourself - what things in practical life must one devote one's strength and thought and energy to? One must take a chance and say, I will do a certain thing and carry it through. Well, then it may turn out wrong, and one may hit an impenetrable barrier when people do not care for it; but one needn't care after all, need one? I don't think one has to worry over it; but sometimes it becomes too hard, and one feels miserable against one's will.

And now I thought, I am sorry that I didn't fall ill and die in the Borinage that time, instead of taking up painting, for I am only a burden to you. And yet I cannot help it, for one must go through many phases to become a good painter, and what one makes in the meantime is not exactly bad if one tries one's utmost; but there ought to be people who see it in the light of its tendency and objective, and who do not ask the impossible.

Things are looking dark right now.

Letter 302
Translation courtesy of Robert Harrison.
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It seemed to me a mistake

Vincent van Gogh to Theo van Gogh, from The Hague, 22 July 1883

In fact, I have no real friend but you, and when I am in low spirits, I always think of you. I only wish you were here, that we might again talk together about moving to the country. . . .

I have tried to work a little today, but suddenly I was overcome by a depression which I cannot exactly account for. At such moments one wishes one were made of iron, and regrets that one is only flesh and blood.

I had written you early this morning, but after I had mailed my letter, it suddenly seemed as if all my troubles crowded together to overwhelm me, and it became too much for me because I could no longer look clearly into the future. I can't put it any other way, and I can't understand why I shouldn't succeed in my work.

I have put all my heart into it, and, for a moment at least, that seemed to me a mistake.

Letter 302
Translation courtesy of Robert Harrison.
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A good long look at some potato plants

Vincent van Gogh to Theo van Gogh, from The Hague, c. 11 July 1883

I find Breitner's stuff objectionable because the imagination behind it is clumsy and meaningless and has virtually no contact with reality. I think it's terribly ugly. But I look on it as the result of a spell of ill-health. . . .

I wish I could provide him with some company and diversion, I wish I could share his ups and downs more often and perhaps cultivate his friendship a bit more. . . .

The cure for him would be to take a good long look at some potato plants, which have lately had such a deep and distinctive color and tone, instead of driving himself mad looking at pieces of yellow satin and bits of gold leather. Well, we shall have to wait and see. He is intelligent enough, but he persists all the same with a sort of eccentric prejudice. If he were merely departing from normality with a rational motive, well and good, but with him it is also a question of no longer taking trouble with his work. I think it is a very bad business and just hope he will come out of it all right, but he has badly lost his way.

Letter 299
Translation courtesy of Robert Harrison.
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What pleases the public

Vincent van Gogh to Theo van Gogh, from The Hague, c. 2 July 1883

I have been reading "Mes Haines" by Zola; there are good things in it, though I think he makes great mistakes - he doesn't even mention Millet in his general survey. The following is quite true: "Note that what pleases the public is always utterly banal, just what they are accustomed to seeing every year; they have got used to such insipidities, to such pretty lies that they repudiate vigorous truths with all their might."

Letter 297
Translation courtesy of Robert Harrison.
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"The everlasting no"

Vincent van Gogh to Theo van Gogh, from The Hague, c. 2 July 1883

I am afraid Tersteeg will always be for me "the everlasting no."

That is what not only I, but almost everyone who seeks his own way, has behind or beside him as an everlasting discourager. Sometimes one is depressed by it and feels miserable and almost stunned.

But I repeat, it is the everlasting no; in the cases of men of character, on the contrary, one finds an everlasting yes, and discovers in them "the faith of the coal miner."

But for all that, life sometimes becomes gloomy, and the future, dark, because the work costs money, so the harder one works, the deeper one gets into debt, instead of the work helping one on, so that difficulties and expense may be surmounted by working harder.

I make progress with my figures, but financially I am losing ground, and cannot keep it up.

Letter 297
Translation courtesy of Robert Harrison.
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"You are a mediocrity"

Vincent van Gogh to Theo van Gogh, from The Hague, c. 2 July 1883

But there are watercolors where the outlines are very strongly expressed - for instance those by Regamey, those by Pinwell and Walker and Herkomer, which I think of very often (those by the Belgian Meunier); but even if I tried this, Tersteeg would not be satisfied with them. He would always say, "It is not saleable and saleability must come first now."

Personally I think he means in plainer terms, "You are a mediocrity and you are arrogant because you don't give in and you make mediocre little things: you are making yourself ridiculous with your so-called seeking, and you do not work." That is the real meaning of what Tersteeg said to me the year before last, and last year; and he still means it.

Letter 297
Translation courtesy of Robert Harrison.
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My temperament and personal feeling

Vincent van Gogh to Theo van Gogh, from The Hague, c. 2 July 1883

I think of Tersteeg's opinion that I must make watercolors; supposing I myself were wrong, and tried with all good will to change my mind, yet I cannot understand how these figures of the man with the sack, of the sower, of the old potato digger, of the wheelbarrow, of the man burning weeds, would retain their individuality if I made them in watercolor. The result would be very mediocre, the kind of mediocrity which I don't want to surrender myself to. Now there is at all events some character in them, something which - be it from afar - is in harmony with what Lhermitte, for instance, seeks.

Watercolor is not the most sympathetic means for him who particularly wants to express the boldness, the vigor, and the robustness of the figures. It is different when one seeks tone or color exclusively, then watercolor is excellent. Now I must admit that one could make different studies of those same figures done from another point of view (namely tone and color) and with another intention - but the question is, if my temperament and personal feeling primarily draw me toward the character, the structure, the action of the figures, can one blame me if, following this emotion, I don't express myself in watercolor, but in a drawing with only black or brown?

Letter 297
Translation courtesy of Robert Harrison.
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Men whose names are unknown

Vincent van Gogh to Theo van Gogh, from The Hague, c. 2 July 1883

Theo, when you come to the studio someday, I shall be able to show you a collection which you certainly won't find everywhere. I can show you something which might be called the "Hundred Masterpieces" in wood engraving by modern artists. The work of men whose names are unknown even to most connoisseurs.

Who knows Buckmann, who knows the two Greens, who knows Regamey's drawings? Only a very few.

Seen together, one wonders at that firmness of drawing, that personal character, that serious conception and that penetration and artistic elevation of the most ordinary figures and subjects found in the streets, in the market place, in a hospital or an almshouse.

Letter 297
Translation courtesy of Robert Harrison.
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Public appreciation

Vincent van Gogh to Theo van Gogh, from The Hague, c. 2 July 1883

There is an etching by Legros, Carlyle in his study, which I often have in mind when I want to think of Millet, for instance, as he really was. Something like what Victor Hugo says about Aeschylus, "They killed the man, then they said: Let us erect a bronze statue for Aeschylus", always comes to my mind when I hear of an exhibition of somebody's works. I care very little for "la statue de bronze," not because I do not approve of public appreciation, but because of the thoughts about the man which accompany it: Aeschylus was simply banished, but here too the banishment was a death sentence, as it often is.

Letter 297
Translation courtesy of Robert Harrison.
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What becomes of the policeman?

Vincent van Gogh to Theo van Gogh, from The Hague, c. 2 July 1883

I hope you will write me in detail about Les Cent Chefs-d'Oeuvre - it must have been a good thing to have seen such a show.

And when one thinks how at the time there were a few persons whose character, intention and genius were rather suspect in the public's opinion - persons about whom the most absurd things were told, Millet, Corot, Daubigny, etc., who were thought of the way the village policeman views a stray shaggy dog, or a tramp without a passport - and time passes, and voila "les cent chefs-d'oeuvre," and if a hundred are not enough, then innumerable ones. And what becomes of the policeman? Very little remains of them except a number of summonses as curiosities. Yet I think the history of great men is tragic - though it's true that they did not meet only village policemen in their lives - for usually they are no longer alive when their work is publicly acknowledged, and for a long time during their lives they are under a kind of depression because of the opposition and the difficulties of struggling through life. And so whenever I hear of such a public acknowledgment of the merits of such and such a one, I think the more vividly of the quiet, somewhat somber figures of those who personally had few friends, and then, in their simplicity, I find them even greater and more tragic.

Letter 297
Translation courtesy of Robert Harrison.
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Work with love and intelligence

Vincent van Gogh to Theo van Gogh, from The Hague, 26 July 1882

But I repeat, everyone who works with love and intelligence finds a kind of armor against the opinion of other people in the very sincerity of his love for nature and art. Nature is also severe and, so to speak, hard; but she never deceives and always helps us on.

So I do not count my falling into disgrace with Tersteeg, or whomever, a misfortune; though I am sorry about it, that cannot be the real cause of misfortune. If I had no love for nature or my work, then I should indeed be misfortunate. The worse I get along with people, the more I learn to have faith in nature and to concentrate on her.

Letter 220
Translation courtesy of Robert Harrison.
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"You’ll never amount to anything"

Vincent van Gogh to Theo van Gogh, from The Hague, 26 July 1882

What has happened to me with Tersteeg is not at all unusual; everybody meets with such things in life. One cannot tell exactly where the fault lies. But with Tersteeg it is an old trouble. I am now almost certain that long ago he said things about me which contributed not a little toward putting me in a bad light. But I need not mind that - what could harm me before cannot harm me now.

When you come to the studio, you will see for yourself that it really is absurd when he says, "Oh! Your drawing will never amount to anything." However, it is hard to contradict such a remark, for as soon as one does, one is called conceited, and they mention the greatest artists and say, "He fancies he's like them."

Letter 220
Translation courtesy of Robert Harrison.
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All depends on the work

Vincent van Gogh to Theo van Gogh, from The Hague, 26 July 1882

Be sure, boy, that I am quite my old self again, and be sure I believe that all depends on the work, and that I consider everything in direct relation to it. The new studio is a great improvement on the old one; it makes work easier, and it is much better for posing especially because one can take a greater distance. . . .

By going quietly on with my work I have every hope of eventually getting an entirely new circle of acquaintances to compensate for the loss of the sympathy of Mauve, Tersteeg and others; but I will make no step toward it, not the least - it must come from the work itself.

Letter 220
Translation courtesy of Robert Harrison.
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I have tried so hard

Vincent van Gogh to Theo van Gogh, from The Hague, 26 July 1882

When you come, I want to try and show you some watercolors done in different ways. Then we can see and talk over what you think is best. So I work regularly on that every day, and will continue to do so until you come.

. . . I am sure you know, Theo, that it is not more difficult to work in color than in black and white; indeed, perhaps the reverse, for as far as I can see, three-fourths of it depends on the original sketch, and almost the whole watercolor rests on its quality.

. . . I think the reason for my working so much more easily in watercolors is that I have tried so hard and for such a long time to draw more correctly.

Tersteeg called my activities a waste of time, but you will soon see that I have gained time. I already feel it now, and when you come, you will see it for yourself.

Letter 220
Translation courtesy of Robert Harrison.
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I will concentrate on art

Vincent van Gogh to Theo van Gogh, from The Hague, 23 July 1882

I certainly and confidently believe, brother, that to all the hints they may give you to convince you to stop sending me money, you will quietly answer that you have faith in my becoming a good painter, and so will continue to help me; that as to my private life and business, you left me free therein, and will neither force me nor help others to force me. Then I believe they will soon stop their gossip. The only thing they can do is exclude me from some circles where they consider me an outcast. Which is nothing new and doesn't bother me one way or the other. I will concentrate more and more on art. And though some people may damn me irrevocably and forever, in the nature of things my profession and my work will open new relationships to me, that much fresher for not having been frozen, hardened and made sterile by old prejudices.

Letter 219
Translation courtesy of Robert Harrison.
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The love for humanity

Vincent van Gogh to Theo van Gogh, from The Hague, 23 July 1882

I have already spoken a few words about the love for humanity which some people possess, for instance, Mme. Francois in the book by Zola. However, I haven't any benevolent plans or projects for trying to help everybody, but I am not ashamed to say (though I know quite well that the word benevolence is in bad repute) that for my part I have always felt and will feel the need to love some fellow creature. Preferably, I don't know why, an unhappy, forsaken or lonely creature.

Once I nursed for six weeks or two months a poor miserable miner who had been burned. I shared my food for a whole winter with a poor old man, and heaven knows what else, and now there is Sien. But so far I have never thought all this foolish or wrong. I think it so natural and right that I cannot understand people being so indifferent to each other in general. I must add that if I were wrong in doing this, you were also wrong in helping me so faithfully - it would be too absurd if this were wrong. I have always believed that "love thy neighbor as thyself" is no exaggeration, but a normal condition. So be it. And you know that I shall make every effort to try to sell my drawings soon, for the very reason that I do not want to abuse your kindness.

Letter 219
Translation courtesy of Robert Harrison.
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A thing apart

Vincent van Gogh to Theo van Gogh, from The Hague, 23 July 1882

I'm sure that it depends more on my work than on anything else whether or not I succeed one day. Provided I can just keep going, well then, I shall fight my fight quietly in this way and no other - by calmly looking through my little window at natural things and drawing them faithfully and with love. For the rest, I shall just adopt a defensive attitude against possible molestation, and beyond that I love drawing too much to want to be distracted by anything else. The peculiar effects of perspective intrigue me more than human intrigues.

If Tersteeg only understood that my painting is a thing apart, quite different from the rest, he would not make a fuss.

Letter 219
Translation courtesy of Robert Harrison.
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Humanity is the salt of life

Vincent van Gogh to Theo van Gogh, from The Hague, 23 July 1882

I am glad that you have been reading Le Ventre de Paris . . . . I think it's splendid. I just want to ask you what you think of Mme. Francois, who lifted poor Florent into her cart and took him home when he was lying unconscious in the middle of the road where the greengrocers' carts were passing.

Though the other greengrocers cried, Let that drunkard lie, we have no time to pick men up out of the gutter, etc.

That figure of Mme. Francois stands out so calmly and nobly and sympathetically all through the book, against the background of the Halles, in contrast with the brutal egoism of the other women.

See, Theo, I think Mme. Francois is truly humane; and I have done, and will do, for Sien what I think someone like Mme. Francois would have done for Florent if he had not loved politics more than her. Look here, that humanity is the salt of life; I should not care to live without it, that's all.

Letter 219
Translation courtesy of Robert Harrison.
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In the very marrow of my bones

Vincent van Gogh to Theo van Gogh, from The Hague, 23 July 1882

It was different last winter when Tersteeg said something about his seeing to it that I should get no more money from you, and I wrote you about it at once. But I shall not write about him any more unless such a thing happens again. It would be too foolish to run after him, saying, Mr. Tersteeg, Mr. Tersteeg, I am a real painter like other painters, no matter what you say.

No, since I do indeed have the artistic sense in the very marrow of my bones, I think it's much better to go quietly camping in the meadows or the dunes, or to work in the studio from the model, without paying the slightest attention to him.

Letter 219
Translation courtesy of Robert Harrison.
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"It will come to nothing"

Vincent van Gogh to Theo van Gogh, from The Hague, 23 July 1882

Now when you come, brother, I shall have a few watercolors for you. It is damn nice working in the studio. Do you remember that last winter I told you you would have your watercolors within a year?

Those I have done now are simply to show you that my studying drawing, correct perspective and proportions, helps me make progress in watercolors. And for my part, I did them as an experiment to find out what progress I had made in watercolors after six months of drawing exclusively; and secondly, to see what I shall have to work harder on in that fundamental drawing which everything depends on. . . .

When judging me and my behavior, Tersteeg always starts with the fixed idea that I can do nothing and am good for nothing. I heard it from his own lips, "Oh, that painting of yours will be like all the other things you started, it will come to nothing."

Letter 219
Translation courtesy of Robert Harrison.
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To set to work again, sick or not sick

Vincent van Gogh to Theo van Gogh, from The Hague, 23 July 1882

Your letter to me crossed one of mine in which I told you I had resolved to set to work again, sick or not sick. Well, I have done so, and I find it does me no harm, though I must take more medicine to brace me up. But of course the work itself puts me in a much better mood. I could not bear staying away from my drawings any longer.

Letter 219
Translation courtesy of Robert Harrison.
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There is some good in life

Vincent van Gogh to Theo van Gogh, from The Hague, 23 July 1882

Do you approve of our arranging to spend the time you have free from business and visits together, and both trying to be in the same frame of mind as we were in the days of the Rijswijk mill?

As for me, brother - though the mill is gone and the years and my youth are gone as irrevocably - deep within me has risen again the feeling that there is some good in life, and that it is worth while to exert oneself and to try to take life seriously. Perhaps, or rather certainly, this is more firmly rooted than it used to be, when I had less experience. The question for me now is how to express the poetry of that time in my drawings.

Letter 219
Translation courtesy of Robert Harrison.
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I can only expect a refusal

Vincent van Gogh to Theo van Gogh, from Nuenen, early July 1884

As to the Society of Draftsmen, firstly, I quite forgot it because I was busy painting those figures; secondly, now that your letter reminds me of it, I am not very keen on it, for, as I told you already last summer, I can only expect a refusal of my petition for membership, which refusal one can, however, consider as a kind of necessary evil that can be redressed next year and as such the request perhaps has its raison d'etre. . . .

And when I tell you that I am just now quite absorbed again in two new large studies of interiors of weavers, you will understand I am in no mood for it. Especially as it might cause new disagreements if I applied again to the gentlemen at The Hague.

Letter 372
Translation courtesy of Robert Harrison.
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