To stand completely outside

Vincent van Gogh to Theo van Gogh, from Nuenen, 15-20 November 1885

As I have been working absolutely alone for years, I imagine that, though I want to and can learn from others, and even adopt some technical things, I shall always see with my own eyes, and render things originally.

But when I got off to Amsterdam for a few days, I enjoyed seeing pictures again immensely.

For sometimes it is damned hard to stand completely outside the world of painters and pictures, and to have no contact with others. Since then I have felt the longing to go back to them, at least for a time. Having been entirely out of it for a few years and having wrestled with nature sometimes helps, and one may get a new store of courage and also of health by it, of which one can never have too much, for a painter's life is often hard enough.

Letter 434
Translation courtesy of Robert Harrison.
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Let's go on quietly

Vincent van Gogh to Theo van Gogh, from Nuenen, 15-20 November 1885

The other day I had a letter from Leurs about my pictures. He wrote that Tersteeg and Wisselingh had seen them, but did not care for them.

All the same I maintain that I shall bring people to have other ideas, although Tersteeg and Wisselingh may be indifferent. I have just read a few books in the style of the Souvenirs of Gigoux, which my friend in Eindhoven had ordered, and in which I found very interesting things about the men of that period, beginning with Paul Huet. And which encourage me to think that I have not attacked nature in the wrong way, nor the technique of painting, though I readily admit that I shall and must change a lot more. As to the heads which I sent you, there must be some good ones among them. I am almost sure of it. So let's go on quietly.

Letter 434
Translation courtesy of Robert Harrison.
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The greatest chance of remaining strong

Vincent van Gogh to Theo van Gogh, from Nuenen, mid-November 1885

Being a little better off helps so little after all. Anyhow, we cannot prevent the days of our youth slipping from us. If that were possible! But the real thing that makes one happy, materially happy - being young, and remaining so a long time - does not exist here - that doesn't even exist in Arabia or Italy, though it is better there than here.

And I personally think that one has the greatest chance of remaining strong and renewing oneself under the present-day "third state." Well, so I say that I try to find it in painting without any thoughts on the side.

Letter 433
Translation courtesy of Robert Harrison.
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"A job on the side"

Vincent van Gogh to Theo van Gogh, from Nuenen, mid-November 1885

In de Goncourt's book I found the following sentence in the article about Chardin marked by you. After having talked about the bad financial conditions of painters, he says: "What to do, what to become? One must throw oneself into a subordinate condition or starve. One chooses the first", so, he continues, except a few martyrs, the rest become fencing masters, soldiers or actors.

Now it always makes a fatal impression on the public when the painter "takes a job on the side." I don't feel above this at all, but I should say, Go on painting, just make a hundred, and if that is not enough, two hundred studies, and see if this doesn't help you more than the “job on the side.”

Accustoming oneself to poverty, seeing how a soldier or a laborer lives and thrives in wind and weather, with ordinary people's fare and dwelling, is just as practical as earning a few guilders more a week.

After all, one is not in the world for one's own comfort, and one does not need to be better off than one's neighbor.

Letter 433
Translation courtesy of Robert Harrison.
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One's whole spirit and attention

Vincent van Gogh to Theo van Gogh, from Nuenen, 8-12 November 1885

One doesn't become a painter in one year, nor is it necessary.

But there is already one good thing among the lot, and one feels hopeful, instead of feeling helpless before a stone wall.

I do not know how I shall fare in the future. At present when I read of that splendid devil, that famous Latour, by God, how real it is, and how well that fellow, except for his enormous passion for money, has attacked life and painting.

Only recently I saw Frans Hals. Well, you know how enthusiastic I was about it, how I immediately wrote you a long letter about painting in one stroke. How great is the similarity between the ideas of Latour, for instance, and Frans Hals, when they express life with pastel which one could almost blow off. I don't know what I shall do and how I shall fare, but I hope not to forget the lessons which I am thus learning these days: in one stroke - but with absolutely complete exertion of one's whole spirit and attention.

Letter 431
Translation courtesy of Robert Harrison.
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Many who undertake to change

Vincent van Gogh to Theo van Gogh, from Nuenen, 8-12 November 1885

Now as to that acquaintance of mine and his opinion of pictures; when someone with a clear intelligent head paints still life and works out-of-doors every day, if only for a year, he need not therefore be an art critic, neither does he feel he is a painter yet, but for all that he will observe more originally than many others.

Besides, his character is not just like everybody's, for instance, he was originally intended to become a priest, at a certain moment he flatly refused this, and carried his point, in which not exactly every one in Brabant succeeds. And there is something broad-minded and loyal about him.

Zola once referred to this something in a conversation between Mouret and his school-fellow, when he let Mouret get serious and say that it had cost him a great deal to free himself from that time and its influence, but that he had wanted to live and that he had lived. Many who undertake to change fall back, don't come any further than a certain insipid methodism because they don't take their measures energetically enough.

Letter 431
Translation courtesy of Robert Harrison.
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I could not sell it

Vincent van Gogh to Theo van Gogh, from Nuenen, 8-12 November 1885

You know those three pollard oaks at the bottom of the garden at home; I have plodded on them for the fourth time.

The difficulty was the tufts of havana leaves, to model them and give them form, color, tone. Then in the evening I took it to that acquaintance of mine in Eindhoven, who has a rather stylish drawing room, where we put it on the wall. Well, never before was I so convinced that I shall make things that do well, that I shall succeed in calculating my colors, so that I have it in my power to make the right effect.

Now, though that man has money, though he took a fancy to it, I felt such a glow of courage when I saw that it was good that, as it hung there, it created an atmosphere by the soft melancholy harmony of that combination of colors that I could not sell it.

But as he had a fancy for it, I gave it to him, and he accepted it just as I had intended, without many words, namely little more than, "The thing is damned good."

I don't think so yet myself.

Letter 431
Translation courtesy of Robert Harrison.
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One has to seek for light a long time

Vincent van Gogh to Theo van Gogh, from Nuenen, early November 1885

I am completely absorbed in the laws of colors. If only they had taught us them in our youth!

But it is the fate of most people that by a kind of fatality one has to seek for light a long time. For, that the laws of color which Delacroix was the first to use, like Newton did for gravitation, and like Stephenson did for steam - that those laws of colors are a ray of light - is absolutely certain.

Letter 430
Translation courtesy of Robert Harrison.
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A fata morgana

Vincent van Gogh to Theo van Gogh, from Nuenen, late November 1884

What shall I say to you? Your letter sounds very correct, and has the tone of a good ministre des Beaux Arts.

But this does not alter the fact that it is not much use to me, and that I am not satisfied with it - and especially in your "later on, when you have expressed yourself more clearly, we shall perhaps find something in your present work, and then we shall not act as we do now…" I see only a fair promise - but in reality a ministerial fata morgana in the eyes of a fellow like me, who would rather find an outlet for his work in a more pedestrian way, provided that it is at the present moment.

You cannot demand of me that I resign myself to a ministerial fata morgana. After all, I am too practical for that! Which is not being intransigent, and which is really why I piss on the sanctuary of the intransigent fellows - which I do once in a while - on sanctuaries in general.

Letter 386b
Translation courtesy of Robert Harrison.
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My affairs can prosper

Vincent van Gogh to Theo van Gogh, from Nuenen, November 1884

I do not know how you have taken my last letter, which was not meant unkindly. My affairs can prosper, and in both our interests, I wish we could concentrate all the power a our disposal.

I believe it possible to be on better terms with you too than we are at present.

But speaking frankly - I think you have been too neutral toward me this past one and a half or two years, and above all things I desire more cordiality, our friendship having been too cool and too inactive for my taste. You may find this conceited if you like, but it isn't; I pointed this out to you before, and again now, for serious, practical reasons.

Letter 385
Translation courtesy of Robert Harrison.
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This does not discourage me

Vincent van Gogh to Theo van Gogh, from Nuenen, November 1884

You know that I took steps to make it up with Mauve and Tersteeg after what happened in the past. I am not sorry I did so. But they have refused to have anything to do with me, very “definitely” refused. This does not discourage me. I consider it like sending a picture to an exhibition and having it refused. At first one must meet with opposition a few times. So I repeat, I am not sorry for the advances I made, and shall probably repeat them, not at once, but before long.

I have owned myself to be in the wrong, not only to Mauve, but also to Tersteeg. I did it the more readily because I believe that later they will see for themselves that, on their part, they have absolutely misunderstood some things. Which they don't see yet.

So on my part this time I went so far as to acknowledge unreservedly and unmistakably that I had been in the wrong as to the past, and for the rest I proposed to show them my work as it gets better - which means that at any rate I am absolved from having to make further apologies in the future. Once is enough, and really it was not necessary for me to go as far as that - namely unconditionally. Getting them to be open-minded on their part is another question - come to my aid in this matter if you feel inclined to do so. If not - don't worry - but then I shall return to the attack after a while.

Letter 385
Translation courtesy of Robert Harrison.
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With passion rather than prudence

Vincent van Gogh to Theo van Gogh, from Nuenen, mid-November 1884

A change has come into my color since you were here; I already had a presentiment of it when you were here, and you will see that - with some more studies, those which I am writing about now, which must be finished within a couple of months - it will be proved beyond a doubt that, exactly in the matter of color, I have achieved something. It is not my fault, but at the moment I am short of money, just because I have painted more than I could really afford, and there can be no economizing now, for we can gain important points by striking while the iron is hot. I remember having said in my last letter: "that I no longer care what your opinion is"; I don't mean that as rudely as it sounds, I only mean that in some respects I have decided to push on with passion rather than prudence, because this is more in character.

Letter 386
Translation courtesy of Robert Harrison.
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I shall feel my strength grow

Vincent van Gogh to Theo van Gogh, from Nuenen, mid-November 1884

You must not suppose that I am so eager for people to approve of my work and my actions in general. On the contrary, for the moment, for instance, I am almost more glad that Mauve and Tersteeg have refused me than if it had been the reverse. Understand me well! It is because I feel within me the power to win them over in the end, notwithstanding everything.

I should not have applied to them again if I didn't feel that I had gained a fixed point by drudging these last years on the ABC of drawing and painting - drudging harder than they can imagine - and I should not have started a new fight if I didn't feel sure of the possibility of winning it.

I am not sure of the certainty of winning it, however, but I dare speculate on its chance, so I am none the worse for it now that I have begun to appeal to the public. In the very fight I shall feel my strength grow, and I shall learn more by criticism, by ill will, even by opposition, than by resignation.

Letter 386
Translation courtesy of Robert Harrison.
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Risking one's all

Vincent van Gogh to Theo van Gogh, from Nuenen, 1 November 1884

That the system of doing business solely if one is assured of success is not the best one, and is in reality no more than a commonplace way of looking at things.

Doing business nonetheless, doing something, moving for the sake of moving, hating stagnation and sterility, this, as I see it, is a more broad-minded and profitable way.

So it is always the same - not beating about the bush - not taking things too much to heart - but having a certain confidence in certain things; certainly gaining the ever-stronger conviction that carrying on a fight and concentrating oneself on a few well-defined points, but all the same risking one's all, is the best thing to do.

Letter 384
Translation courtesy of Robert Harrison.
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If I fail, then I'll try again

Vincent van Gogh to Theo van Gogh, from Nuenen, 1 November 1884

Rappard is doing very well, and many others too, but you can swear by it that they have not been patient and long-suffering and nothing else. We must make progress. Get used to the idea that we must get a move on.

Since my first meeting with Mauve, I have not been grinding in vain on the elements of drawing, as well as of color and of the technique of painting. I have learned new things, but I need Mauve or somebody else who is very clever, not to make me think a great deal of myself, but to give me some courage, which oozes away if things drag too long. Forward - and what the devil do I care if I fail - if I fail, then I'll try again.

Letter 384
Translation courtesy of Robert Harrison.
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Something will happen before long

Vincent van Gogh to Theo van Gogh, from Nuenen, 1 November 1884

I have not written to Mauve or Tersteeg in a complaining tone. On the contrary, but I said as forcibly as I could, Give me another opportunity to make a few studies at Mauve's! I will harp on it till Mauve gives in.

If I fail alone, we must ask Mauve together until he gives in. Then, after that, I shall have gained some hints for correcting my work here and improving it, and I shall again have a pied-a-terre with a solid, serious painter, and then I warrant you, something will happen before long - either I shall exhibit or I shall sell.

And so, courage!

Letter 384
Translation courtesy of Robert Harrison.
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One must renew oneself

Vincent van Gogh to Theo van Gogh, from Nuenen, 1 November 1884

I have once more tried to renew the relations with Mauve and, if possible, also with Tersteeg. I do not know if I shall succeed, but I must have a freer scope, for having been without any intercourse with the world of art for a full year and longer, as I have, notwithstanding all good will, one comes to a dead end and must renew oneself.

Help me to get afloat and to earn money, not only by sending your money but also by your influence, and more sympathy, and a more unalloyed friendship..

I have strength enough to accomplish something, and to earn money too. And then - as you say - if I make progress in my painting, and gain a good independent position, I shall be worth more than I am now.

Letter 384
Translation courtesy of Robert Harrison.
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No one falls before his tim

Vincent van Gogh to Theo van Gogh, from Drenthe, 26 November 1883

There are things which, as one ought to know, can gradually cast a spell on a man and make him change his course in a direction diametrically opposed to the course he took as long as he was honest.

My words may sound gloomy, very well. For myself, there are moments when my own prospects seem very dark to me - but as I already wrote you, I do not believe that my fate depends on what seems against it. All kinds of things may be against me, but there may be one thing more powerful than what I see threatening me. I used the word fatality for lack of a better word - no one falls before his time - so as for me, I resign myself to fate, and act as if nothing were the matter.

As for the calamities, I am not particularly afraid of them - in general one should be afraid of nothing except of deteriorating as a man.

Letter 342
Translation courtesy of Robert Harrison.
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Treacherous enchanted ground

Vincent van Gogh to Theo van Gogh, from Drenthe, 26 November 1883

I want to remind you of the English saying: "Fear the storm but dread the calm treacherous enchanted ground." Suppose you are carried along, gently and imperceptibly, by a current deviating from the straight course.

Brother! when you told me the other day, "I think in the matter of finance I am on the trail of a new conception" - what I thought of it was, in short, That's bad enough. I should not have thought so if you had written: I have discovered a number of energetic new artists, with whom I shall probably be able to do business, I should have thought it excellent, but - the field of finance - pardon my saying it - it is too much in the air for my taste.

Granted that my concerns are dependent on yours, yet it is not about this that my mind is uneasy at present - my uneasiness is about you and you alone - about you as a human being. And my question remains: Won't you suffer a loss and decline - as a human being?

I do not speak for myself but of another person out of the remote past. It is said that when he felt he was on enchanted ground and in an enchanted atmosphere, when he perceived that he was being unnerved, he resolutely left the island on a timber beam or a raft, and ventured on the high seas, thinking, the sea is less dangerous than this. And in my opinion this man was almighty wise.

Letter 342
Translation courtesy of Robert Harrison.
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It will not keep silent within yourself

Vincent van Gogh to Theo van Gogh, from Drenthe, 19 November 1883

After all, no matter how much we may be our own enemies, I am beginning to realize more and more: "Man proposes and God disposes." An infinitely powerful force prevails over our doing right and wrong. . . . Ultimately I should feel so reassured were you to take up a brush that I should consider the momentary calamity and shipwreck of lesser importance than the certain knowledge that your future is moving in a direction you will never regret. . . .

At all events, I count it among the possibilities that you yourself may become conscious that painting is your vocation, and then, dear brother, Puritan "without knowing it", it might be that your days in Paris were numbered, that an old world closed itself to you, in a rather ungenerous way - but that at the same time a new world opened itself to you.

Well, think it over, a long or a short time. But it would be of little use if you said, Vincent, keep silent about it; for to that my answer is: Theo, it will not keep silent within yourself.

It is more difficult to repress
Than the source of great rivers.

Letter 338
Translation courtesy of Robert Harrison.
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"Am I an artist or am I not?"

Vincent van Gogh to Theo van Gogh, from Drenthe, 19 November 1883

In the same way, in the matter of art, the problem, "Am I an artist or am I not?" must not induce us not to draw or not to paint. Many things defy definition, and I consider it wrong to fritter one's time away on them. Certainly when one's work does not go smoothly and one is checked by difficulties, one gets bogged in the morass of such thoughts and insoluble problems. And because one feels sorely troubled by it, the best thing to do is to conquer the cause of the distraction by acquiring a new insight into the practical part of the work.

Letter 338
Translation courtesy of Robert Harrison.
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My aim is to make pictures

Vincent van Gogh to Theo van Gogh, from Drenthe, 19 November 1883

As to doubting whether one is an artist or not - that question is too much of an abstraction.

I confess, however, that I don't object to thinking it over, provided I can draw and paint at the same time.

And my aim in my life is to make pictures and drawings, as many and as well as I can; then, at the end of my life, I hope to pass away, looking back with love and tender regret, and thinking, "Oh, the pictures I might have made!" . . .

Theo, I declare I prefer to think how arms, legs, head are attached to the trunk, rather than whether I myself am more or less an artist or not.

Letter 338
Translation courtesy of Robert Harrison.
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A path to travel through life

Vincent van Gogh to Theo van Gogh, from Drenthe, 19 November 1883

When I consider our temperament and type of physiognomy, I find similarity, and a very pronounced resemblance between, for instance, the Puritans and ourselves besides. I mean the people in Cromwell's time or thereabouts, the little group of men and women who sailed from the Old World to America in the Mayflower, and settled there, firmly resolved to live simple lives.

Times are different - they cut down forests - we would turn to painting. I know that the initiative taken by a small group, called in history The Pilgrim Fathers, however small in itself, had great consequences; and as to ourselves, I think that in the first place we should philosophize but little about great consequences, and only try to find a path for ourselves to travel through life as straightforwardly as possible. To meditate on consequences is not our way, neither yours nor mine.

Letter 338
Translation courtesy of Robert Harrison.
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Risk too much rather than too little

Vincent van Gogh to Theo van Gogh, from Drenthe, 17 November 1883

Fortune favors the bold, says the proverb, and though something may perhaps be said against it, I decidedly believe its basis to be a fact, in the same way as the opposite: that moral weakness or want of courage brings a kind of fatal doom in the end.

So my plan is always to risk too much rather than too little; if one is defeated by too much, well, so be it.

Letter 341
Translation courtesy of Robert Harrison.
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"I shall grow in the tempest"

Vincent van Gogh to Theo van Gogh, from Drenthe, 17 November 1883

Well, I repeat, let us possess our souls in patience, let things decide themselves. . . .

I admit it is very difficult to know what one has to do. Money plays a brutal part in society, and I partially share your feelings in that respect. But then, I feel such a vivid hope that painting will set our real energy free, and yet keep us afloat, though the first years may be very difficult. If I have to perish, then I shall perish, is the only thing one can say. As to my saying, If you stay with Goupil for good, I shall be obliged to refuse your help, do not suppose I think too highly of my present work.

No, I am well aware it had no market value, but my idea is that I want to work without any more protection than others have, and I shall throw myself into it headlong, not because I think I have arrived, but because I believe: "I shall grow in the tempest."

Letter 341
Translation courtesy of Robert Harrison.
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I think Paris enervating

Vincent van Gogh to Theo van Gogh, from Drenthe, 17 November 1883

And, for myself, I think Paris enervating, and I see no good in living there permanently, neither for myself nor for you.

As for me, perhaps I shall have to be there for a time in order to make some contacts (made impossible for me at The Hague), but I will stay in the country as much as I can, and the only thing which counts with me is painting or drawing. . . .

How inexpressibly beautiful it is here!

You cannot see it at all from my studies yet; I still have much to learn before I can express how it really is here, and it is also a question of time.

One thing I declare, that this country had an influence of calm, of faith, of courage on me, and I believe you need that influence too - it would be the very, very best thing for you; it would make you discover yourself again, your soul, but in a more genuine and complete way than at the time of drawing mills. But I am afraid you consider what I say as the product of my imagination, my words as idle and without foundation.

Letter 341
Translation courtesy of Robert Harrison.
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The utmost stress

Vincent van Gogh to Theo van Gogh, from Drenthe, 17 November 1883

How should I manage then? Well, for instance, I could try to get a job as an illustrator for a magazine, or, in short, do anything "n'importe quoi," for which perhaps you yourself would know an opportunity, or in which you could advise me . . . .

But if I were left entirely to myself, I might take a chance in Paris, or London, or The Hague - in short, in some city in a printer's or a magazine's office - of course trying at the same time to make and sell drawings and paintings; and after that, manage to get back to Drenthe.

Then I should want, however, to submit myself to the utmost stress in order to force myself to be productive, and I would beg to stop the present assistance of my own accord.

Letter 341
Translation courtesy of Robert Harrison.
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The situation was critical

Vincent van Gogh to Theo van Gogh, from Drenthe, 17 November 1883

You must understand me well - perhaps - no, certainly - there was a crisis at home as well as in my own life when, as I sincerely believe, all of our lives were literally saved by you. The situation was critical, especially for me. If I have now reached such a point that, when I stand before an object or figure, I feel within me clearly, distinctly, unhesitatingly, the power to draw it - to render it - not perfectly, but true in its general structure and proportion - well, that point has been reached, absolutely, absolutely, and if I have reached it, it has been primarily because your help was a kind of fence or shield between a hostile world and myself, and because I could in all calmness think almost exclusively of my drawing, and my thoughts were not crushed by fatally overwhelming material cares. . . .

The germinating seed must not be exposed to a frosty wind - that was the case with me in the beginning. I'm afraid that if it hadn't been for you, Uncle Vincent's words, "ni fait, ni a faire," Tersteeg's words, and the accompanying cold shoulder from both at a critical moment would have been fatal to me, like a too cold wind to the germinating corn. But once the winter corn is rooted in the earth, it becomes a little stronger, and it struggles through the winter as best it can, at least it must get through.

Letter 341
Translation courtesy of Robert Harrison.
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Get to work now

Vincent van Gogh to Theo van Gogh, from Drenthe, 3 November 1883

Well, dear fellow, what I advise you is something quite new. "The faith of a coalminer" in art, instead of saying (and to me it is twaddle), I can't do anything, I am not an artist, do not attribute qualities to me that I do not possess, and all that rubbish. I tell you this is a delusion, and now, my dear fellow, things are so serious, and your future and mine are so terribly dependent on them that you must not take it amiss if I tell you a little baldly that the right thing to do under the circumstances is to undertake painting with the faith of a coalminer. . . .

Perhaps, or rather, assuredly, we were mistaken in not starting on it sooner, but this mistake is understandable on account of our education and the influences we were submitted to; but this is all the more reason to get to work now with a steadiness and a resolution which I doubt we should have had at our disposal in our younger days. So it appears to me that we must concentrate our whole energy on painting with the utmost singleness of purpose - it being the raft that will take us safely to shore after the shipwreck - undertaking it in all cheerfulness.

Letter 339b
Translation courtesy of Robert Harrison.
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Standing behind another counter

Vincent van Gogh to Theo van Gogh, from Drenthe, 3 November 1883

Then be wise, you, then be sensible, and listen to what I tell you about the thorny little path of painting, which at first leads to all sorts of humiliation, etc., but which for all that will eventually lead to a more lasting victory and a more definite peace than commerce can ever give. . . .

Theo, at times I think that for an artist the utmost poverty would be bearable (and productive too) if only he were not alone. . . . It has become an idee fixe of mine that you will feel so uprooted, so disoriented, so defeated that as for standing behind another counter you will simply say, "I can't do it," "It would certainly be a failure." . . . There, my presentiment tells me that this is approximately how you feel at heart.

In this case I see nothing reckless, nothing unpractical, nothing foolish in our wanting to feel our energy, to feel ourselves. Let our love of art inspire us with a "faith of the coal miner," inspire us to say what others have said before us, and will say after us, namely, Though circumstances may be ominous, and though we may be very poor, and so on, yet we have one thing to cling to tenaciously - painting, of course.

Letter 339b
Translation courtesy of Robert Harrison.
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A quiet delight in one's work

Vincent van Gogh to Theo van Gogh, from Drenthe, 2 November 1883

That return of the flock in the dusk was the finale of the symphony I heard yesterday. The day passed like a dream, I had been so immersed in that heart-rending music all day that I had literally forgotten to eat and drink - I had had a slice of black bread and a cup of coffee in the little inn where I had drawn the spinning wheel. The day was over and from dawn till dusk, or rather from one night till the next, I had lost myself in that symphony. I came home and as I sat by the fire it occurred to me that I felt hungry, no, I realized I was ravenous.

But now you can see what it is like here. One feels just as if one were at, say, an exhibition des cent chef-d'œvres. What does one bring back from such a day? Merely a number of rough sketches. Yet there is something else one brings back - a quiet delight in one's work.

Letter 340
Translation courtesy of Robert Harrison.
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