The estrangement drove me crazy
Vincent van Gogh to Theo van Gogh, from Antwerp, early January 1886
If I had some friends, if I were a little known, yes, then it would be easier; but I have no friends, and my job is to try and make them.
I cannot tell you how glad I am that I went to Antwerp, and how many remarkable things there are here for me, who has been out of it all for so long.
How glad I am to see the city again, much as I like the peasants in the country. How the bringing together of contrasts gives me new ideas - the contrasts between the absolute quiet of the country and the bustle here. I needed it badly.
Always to be in a state of exile, forever having to make great efforts, always half measures. But never mind - the family "stranger than strangers" is one fact - and being through with Holland is a second fact. It is quite a relief.
That is my only feeling, and yet I have been so deeply attached to it all that at first the estrangement drove me crazy. But I have looked over the cards too narrowly to let myself hesitate now. And I have got my self-confidence and my serenity back. The secret of that clique - Delaroche-esqueness, mediocrity. Retrogression - I abhor it!
Letter 443
Translation courtesy of Robert Harrison.
Back to The Way of Vincent: Making art no matter what
If I had some friends, if I were a little known, yes, then it would be easier; but I have no friends, and my job is to try and make them.
I cannot tell you how glad I am that I went to Antwerp, and how many remarkable things there are here for me, who has been out of it all for so long.
How glad I am to see the city again, much as I like the peasants in the country. How the bringing together of contrasts gives me new ideas - the contrasts between the absolute quiet of the country and the bustle here. I needed it badly.
Always to be in a state of exile, forever having to make great efforts, always half measures. But never mind - the family "stranger than strangers" is one fact - and being through with Holland is a second fact. It is quite a relief.
That is my only feeling, and yet I have been so deeply attached to it all that at first the estrangement drove me crazy. But I have looked over the cards too narrowly to let myself hesitate now. And I have got my self-confidence and my serenity back. The secret of that clique - Delaroche-esqueness, mediocrity. Retrogression - I abhor it!
Letter 443
Translation courtesy of Robert Harrison.
Back to The Way of Vincent: Making art no matter what
Labels: calling, fellowship, hope
posted by Jeffrois at 6:04 AM
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