An absolute breakdown

Vincent van Gogh to Theo van Gogh, from Antwerp, c. 3 February 1886

I already wrote you the day before yesterday that although on the one hand I felt far from well, I nevertheless began to see some light.

However, I am sorry to have to tell you more categorically that I am literally worn out and overworked. Just think, I went to live in my own studio (in Nuenen) on May 1 and I have not had a hot dinner more than perhaps six or seven times since.

But I have lived then, and I do here, without any money for a dinner, because the work costs me too much, and I have relied too much on my being strong enough to stand it.

It is an absolute breakdown.

Now I have made it worse by smoking a great deal, which I did the more because then one does not feel an empty stomach so much.

Well, manger de la vache enragée, that is what I have my share of.

Letter 449
Translation courtesy of Robert Harrison.
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