Some chance of making progress

Vincent van Gogh to Theo van Gogh, from Antwerp, early February 1886

I keep feeling satisfied with having come here, otherwise I should have remained in a fix; and now, though there are still many difficulties, I see some chance of making progress.

And by staying here somewhat longer, or by going to Paris, I shall get an even firmer hold.

I see that year of drawing from which I'm afraid there's no escape.

Letter 448
Translation courtesy of Robert Harrison.
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Something stiff and awkward about me

Vincent van Gogh to Theo van Gogh, from Antwerp, early February 1886

But it has struck me forcibly that there are still other things that I absolutely must change.

When I compare myself to the other fellows, there is something stiff and awkward about me, as if I had been in prison for ten years.

And the cause of this is that for about ten years I have had a difficult and harassed life, much care and sorrow and no friends.

But that will change as my work gets better, and I shall know something and be able to do something.

And I repeat, we are on the right track to accomplishing this. But do not doubt it, the way to succeed is to keep courage and patience and to work on energetically.

Letter 448
Translation courtesy of Robert Harrison.
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I see my mistakes

Vincent van Gogh to Theo van Gogh, from Antwerp, early February 1886

Do you know what I think? In Paris I should certainly work more than here, for instance a drawing a day or every two days.

And we know, or rather you know, enough clever fellows who would not refuse to look them over and give some hints. So in fact we are at all events on the right track, whether I stay here some time or come to you.

For the rest, Cormon would probably say the same thing as Verlat. Just because I now have the opportunity to talk to several people about my drawings, I see my mistakes, and that is half the battle.

At all events let's keep courage.

Letter 448
Translation courtesy of Robert Harrison.
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It is no bad sign

Vincent van Gogh to Theo van Gogh, from Antwerp, c. 3 February 1886

For speaking of Cormon, I think he would tell me much the same thing as Verlat, namely that I must draw from the nude or plaster casts for a year, just because I have always been drawing from life.

And when people like Verlat or Cormon, for instance, demand this of a fellow, I assure you it is no bad sign. For there are plenty of those whom Verlat simply lets drudge on, for they will never attain anything. You speak of clever fellows in that studio of Cormon's - just because I would damn well like to be one of them, I feel for myself that I must insist on devoting at least a year in Paris to drawing from the nude and from plaster casts. And do not think this is a long way, for it is a short one. One who can draw a figure from memory is much more productive than one who cannot. And you will see how productive I shall become by taking the trouble to draw for a whole year.

Letter 449
Translation courtesy of Robert Harrison.
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I cannot master the rest

Vincent van Gogh to Theo van Gogh, from Nuenen, February 1885

When there was snow, I also painted a few studies of our garden. The landscape has changed much since then; now we have splendid evening skies of lilac with gold over dark silhouettes of cottages between the masses of ruddy-colored brushwood - above which rise the spare black poplars, while the foregrounds are of a faded and bleached green, varied by strips of black earth and pale withered rushes along the ditch edges.

I certainly see all this too - I think it just as superb as anybody else, but I am even more interested in the proportion of a figure, the division of the oval of the head, and I cannot master the rest before I have a better grip on the figure.

Well - first comes the figure; I personally cannot understand the rest without it, and it is the figure that creates the atmosphere.

Letter 394
Translation courtesy of Robert Harrison.
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What I lack is practice

Vincent van Gogh to Theo van Gogh, from Antwerp, c. 28 January 1886

When I compare a study of mine with those of the other fellows, it is curious to see that they have almost nothing in common. Theirs have about the same color as the flesh, so, seen close up, they are very correct - but if one stands back a little, they appear painfully flat - all that pink and delicate yellow, etc., etc., soft in itself, produces a harsh effect. The way I do it, from near by it is greenish-red, yellowish-gray, white-black and many neutral tints and most of them colors one cannot define. But when one stands back a little it emerges from the paint, and there is airiness around it, and a certain vibrating light falls on it. At the same time, the least little touch of color which one may use as highlight is effective in it.

But what I lack is practice, I must paint about fifty of them; I think I shall have reached something then. Now I put the colors on somewhat too painstakingly, because I haven't had enough practice; I must hesitate too long, and so I work the life out of it. But that is a question of time, of exercise, till the touch becomes more immediately correct, the better one has it fixed in one's mind.

I find here the friction of ideas I want. I get a fresh look at my own work, can judge better where the weak points are, which enables me to correct them.

Letter 447
Translation courtesy of Robert Harrison.
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Simple and true

Vincent van Gogh to Theo van Gogh, from Antwerp, early January 1886

I am working on my portraits all the time, and at last I have made two which are decidedly good "likenesses" (one profile and one three-quarter). That isn't everything, it isn't even the most important thing. But it still seems to me worth while to aim at it, and perhaps it teaches one to draw.

In "The Deposition from the Cross" by Van Dyck, the large one, that one high up - there is also a portrait, decidedly a portrait - not only of a head, but, thank God, of a whole figure, splendid in yellow and lilac, a weeping woman bending over, the torso and the legs under the clothes well and intimately felt and expressed. Then art is high, when it is simple and true.

Letter 443
Translation courtesy of Robert Harrison.
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I am not satisfied

Vincent van Gogh to Theo van Gogh, from Antwerp, early January 1886

Let me begin by answering your question of some time ago, about the picture by Francken at St. Andre, which I saw today. I think it is a good picture - especially fine in sentiment - the sentiment is not very Flemish or Rubens-like. It reminds one more of Murillo. The color is warm, in a reddish color scheme like Jordaens sometimes is.

But l imagine I can also do it in that way, and the picture did not tell me anything new. And as I am not satisfied with what I can do now, and try to make progress - enough - let's talk about other pictures.

Letter 443
Translation courtesy of Robert Harrison.
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Things as old as humanity

Vincent van Gogh to Theo van Gogh, from Nuenen, 2 January 1884

I do not know whether you will understand me, but I wanted to make clear to you that I - thinking as I do - could hardly get cross with anyone merely on account of an opinion. Not counting my own opinions for much. But my not being able to resign myself to the fact that I see many persons lead a life, rather rashly I think, too far removed from what is true for all is quite another thing. So if I get cross, it might be because of something that has nothing whatever to do with my having a high opinion of myself.

There are things as old as humanity itself, and which will not disappear in a hurry.

Letter 351
Translation courtesy of Robert Harrison.
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Nor can opinions make the truth true

Vincent van Gogh to Theo van Gogh, from Nuenen, 2 January 1884

I wish you could understand that if at times I wish you had other thoughts about some questions than you have at present, I do so only because I believe you would profit by it, and not because I should want to make a proselyte for my own opinions. I do not believe my opinions to be better than those of other people. But more and more I begin to believe that there is something compared to which all opinions, mine included, become as nothing.

Certain truths and facts, which our opinions can change little or not at all, and which I hope not to mistake for my or other people's opinions, as this would be an error on my part.

Opinions can as little change certain standard truths as weathercocks can change the direction of the wind. The weathercocks do not make the wind east or north, nor can opinions make the truth true.

Letter 351
Translation courtesy of Robert Harrison.
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It's lucky for me

Vincent van Gogh to Theo van Gogh, from Nuenen, 2 January 1884

As to what you say about my perhaps becoming quite isolated, I do not say that this will not happen, I expect little else, and shall be content if life remains possible and bearable for me.

But I declare to you that I should not consider this a deserved fate, for I believe that after all I have never done, and shall never do, anything to make me lose the right to feel one with my fellow creatures.

Others would be greatly to blame for it too. Well, I try to look at myself as if I were somebody else, that is to say, objectively, so that I try to see my own shortcomings as well as perhaps their compensations.

Isolation is bad enough, it is a kind of prison. To what extent I shall become so cannot be guessed now with any degree of certainty. Nor do you say so, in fact.

I for my part often prefer to be with people who do not even know the world, for instance the peasants, the weavers, etc., rather than being with those of the more civilized world. It's lucky for me.

Letter 351
Translation courtesy of Robert Harrison.
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All painters are more or less crazy

Vincent van Gogh to his mother, from Saint-Remy, 20 December 1889

It is a year since I fell ill, and it is difficult for me to say how far I have or have not recovered. I often feel much self-reproach about things in the past, my illness being more or less my own fault, in any case I doubt if I can make up for faults in any way.

But reasoning and thinking about these things is sometimes so difficult, and sometimes my feelings overwhelm me more than before.

In the beginning when I fell ill, I could not resign myself to the idea of having to go into a hospital. And at present I admit that I should have been treated even earlier, but to err is human.

A French writer says that all painters are more or less crazy, and though quite a lot can be said against this, it is certain that one gets too distrait in it. Whatever the truth of it may be, I imagine that here, where I don't have to worry about anything, etc., the quality of my work is progressing.

And thus, I go on with relative calmness, and do my best in my work, and don't consider myself among the unhappy ones.

Letter 619
Translation courtesy of Robert Harrison.
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Sometimes I think they are very ugly

Vincent van Gogh to Theo van Gogh, from Saint-Remy, 7 December 1889

Among the studies you will find the following which are for Mother and our sister: "Olives", "Bedroom", "Reaper", "Ploughing", "Wheat Field with Cypresses", "Orchard in Blossom", "Portrait". The rest are mostly studies of autumn, and I think that the best is the yellow mulberry tree against a bright blue sky - then the study of the house and the park, of which there are two variations. They are giving me a lot of trouble, and sometimes I think they are very ugly, sometimes they seem good to me; perhaps you will have the same impression when you see them.

I hope you are well. For myself I have nothing to complain of, I am feeling absolutely normal, so to speak, but without an idea for the future, and really I do not know what is going to happen, and perhaps I rather avoid facing this question, feeling that I can do nothing about it.

Letter 618
Translation courtesy of Robert Harrison.
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I could not sell it

Vincent van Gogh to Theo van Gogh, from Nuenen, 8-12 November 1885

You know those three pollard oaks at the bottom of the garden at home; I have plodded on them for the fourth time.

The difficulty was the tufts of havana leaves, to model them and give them form, color, tone. Then in the evening I took it to that acquaintance of mine in Eindhoven, who has a rather stylish drawing room, where we put it on the wall. Well, never before was I so convinced that I shall make things that do well, that I shall succeed in calculating my colors, so that I have it in my power to make the right effect.

Now, though that man has money, though he took a fancy to it, I felt such a glow of courage when I saw that it was good that, as it hung there, it created an atmosphere by the soft melancholy harmony of that combination of colors that I could not sell it.

But as he had a fancy for it, I gave it to him, and he accepted it just as I had intended, without many words, namely little more than, "The thing is damned good."

I don't think so yet myself.

Letter 431
Translation courtesy of Robert Harrison.
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Something will happen before long

Vincent van Gogh to Theo van Gogh, from Nuenen, 1 November 1884

I have not written to Mauve or Tersteeg in a complaining tone. On the contrary, but I said as forcibly as I could, Give me another opportunity to make a few studies at Mauve's! I will harp on it till Mauve gives in.

If I fail alone, we must ask Mauve together until he gives in. Then, after that, I shall have gained some hints for correcting my work here and improving it, and I shall again have a pied-a-terre with a solid, serious painter, and then I warrant you, something will happen before long - either I shall exhibit or I shall sell.

And so, courage!

Letter 384
Translation courtesy of Robert Harrison.
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"I shall grow in the tempest"

Vincent van Gogh to Theo van Gogh, from Drenthe, 17 November 1883

Well, I repeat, let us possess our souls in patience, let things decide themselves. . . .

I admit it is very difficult to know what one has to do. Money plays a brutal part in society, and I partially share your feelings in that respect. But then, I feel such a vivid hope that painting will set our real energy free, and yet keep us afloat, though the first years may be very difficult. If I have to perish, then I shall perish, is the only thing one can say. As to my saying, If you stay with Goupil for good, I shall be obliged to refuse your help, do not suppose I think too highly of my present work.

No, I am well aware it had no market value, but my idea is that I want to work without any more protection than others have, and I shall throw myself into it headlong, not because I think I have arrived, but because I believe: "I shall grow in the tempest."

Letter 341
Translation courtesy of Robert Harrison.
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I think Paris enervating

Vincent van Gogh to Theo van Gogh, from Drenthe, 17 November 1883

And, for myself, I think Paris enervating, and I see no good in living there permanently, neither for myself nor for you.

As for me, perhaps I shall have to be there for a time in order to make some contacts (made impossible for me at The Hague), but I will stay in the country as much as I can, and the only thing which counts with me is painting or drawing. . . .

How inexpressibly beautiful it is here!

You cannot see it at all from my studies yet; I still have much to learn before I can express how it really is here, and it is also a question of time.

One thing I declare, that this country had an influence of calm, of faith, of courage on me, and I believe you need that influence too - it would be the very, very best thing for you; it would make you discover yourself again, your soul, but in a more genuine and complete way than at the time of drawing mills. But I am afraid you consider what I say as the product of my imagination, my words as idle and without foundation.

Letter 341
Translation courtesy of Robert Harrison.
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What will make me more completely human?

Vincent van Gogh to Theo van Gogh, from Drenthe, 28 October 1883

I look upon the real human feelings, life in harmony with, not against, nature, as the true civilization, which I respect as such. I ask, what will make me more completely human?

Zola says, "I, as an artist, want to live as vigorously as possible - I want to live", without mental reservation - naive as a child, no, not as a child, as an artist - with good will, however life presents itself, I shall find something in it, I will try my best on it. Now look at all those studied little mannerisms, all that convention, how exceedingly conceited it really is, how absurd, a man thinking he knows everything and that things go according to his idea, as if there were not in all things of life a "je ne sais quoi" of great goodness, and also an element of evil, which we feel to be infinitely above us, infinitely greater, infinitely mightier than we are.

How fundamentally wrong is the man who doesn't feel himself small, who doesn't realize he is but an atom.

Letter 336
Translation courtesy of Robert Harrison.
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Despite all my faults

Vincent van Gogh to Anthon van Rappard, from Nuenen, second half of August 1885

And as regards technique, I am still searching for many things; and though I happen to find some of them, still there are an infinite number of things wanting. But for all that I know why I work as I do, and my efforts are planted on solid ground.

I said to Wenkebach only the other day that I did not know any painter who had as many faults as I do - but for all that I was not convinced that I am radically wrong. . . .

And yet I believe that - even if I go on producing work in which people can point out errors - when they want to, if this is their special purpose and point of view - it will still have a certain vitality and raison d'etre of its own that will hurl the errors into the shade - in the eyes of those who appreciate character and the spiritual conception of things. And it will not be so easy to confound me as they think, despite all my faults. I know too well what my ultimate goal is, and I am too firmly convinced of being on the right road after all, to pay much attention to what people say of me - when I want to paint what I feel and feel what I paint.

Letter R57
Translation courtesy of Robert Harrison.
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Always doing what I can't do yet

Vincent van Gogh to Anthon van Rappard, from Nuenen, second half of August 1885

The work in question, the painting of peasants, is such a hard job that the utterly weak won't even attempt it.

And at least I have attempted it, and I have laid certain foundations, which is not exactly the easiest part of the job! And in drawing as well as in painting I can sometimes keep hold of certain solid and useful things, a firmer hold than you think, amice. But I am always doing what I can't do yet in order to learn how to do it. But writing you about this bores me. So I'll end by saying that the work is difficult, and that, instead of quarreling, the fellows who paint peasants and the common people would do wisely to join hands as much as possible. Union is strength, and what we have to fight against is not each other but those fellows who, even in the present period, are obstructing the progress of the ideas which Millet and others of a past generation fought for and which they pioneered. Nothing is a greater hindrance than this fatal fighting among ourselves.

Letter R57
Translation courtesy of Robert Harrison.
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Study

Vincent van Gogh to Theo van Gogh, from Nuenen, c. 1 June 1885

If Portier will write me his observations, I think they may be useful to me, and he must not hold them back. I must tell you that I sometimes long very much to see the Louvre and the Luxembourg again, and that sooner or later I shall have to study the technique and color of Millet, Delacroix, Corot and others. But it is not immediately urgent; I think the more I work, the greater use it will be to me when it happens someday.

But it is a fact that one needs both nature and pictures.

Letter 410
Translation courtesy of Robert Harrison.
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I myself cannot judge

Vincent van Gogh to Theo van Gogh, from The Hague, 21 May 1883

I wish you would bring my old studies with you when you come.

I think if you saw all the things together, you would choose differently, and, when you are here, I hope we can select the things you would like to have, so that they form a whole. I myself cannot judge whether some of my studies are finished enough to be worthy of being kept anywhere else but in my studio.

Letter 286
Translation courtesy of Robert Harrison.
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I made him draw many things

Vincent van Gogh to Theo van Gogh, from The Hague, 20 May 1883

These last days, or rather weeks, I have had the very pleasant company of a young land surveyor who tried his hand at drawing. He once showed me drawings, which I thought very bad, and I told him why I thought them so bad.

Of course I never expected to hear from him again after that; but one day he returned - he has more leisure now, might he come with me to work outdoors? Well, Theo, the fellow has got the knack of landscape drawing so well that at present he brings home really charming sketches of meadow, wood and dune. . . .

The things he made before I knew him were horrible daubs, most of them hideous. I began by telling him that at first he had to confine himself to drawing for some time. I made him draw many things which he did not like at all, but he trusted me in this. Now this morning he asked me if he couldn't try his hand at painting again, and now it came off very well, and he has scraped off all his old things.

Letter 285
Translation courtesy of Robert Harrison.
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The knack of making watercolors

Vincent van Gogh to Theo van Gogh, from The Hague, 20 May 1883

Among the blocks I ordered with Rappard's money is also one for watercolors; I tried it at once, a cottage in the dunes with a wheelbarrow, etc., in the foreground, and a small figure of a digger in the background. Oh, Theo, some day or other I shall surely get the knack of making watercolors.

Letter 285
Translation courtesy of Robert Harrison.
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What I intend to do

Vincent van Gogh to Anthon van Rappard, from The Hague, c. 8 May 1883

To my mind, my dear friend, there are some things that take precedence over private affairs and private difficulties. The latter are not really my motive in being eager to speak with you. . . .

I cannot conceal the fact that, speaking for myself, I do not see the future very clearly, and that I deem it doubtful whether I shall be able to carry out what I intend to do. The fact is that I want to consult you in the hope of getting some enlightenment. I believe that you have an eye for my work in some way, and in some cases your judgment would be very useful to me, for instance in helping me to organize the studies I have of a certain subject into a definite whole. At the present moment I have a lot of studies, and I have in mind a vague conception of two or three more imposing compositions, for which I shall probably be able to find the greater part of the subject matter in my studies.

Letter R34
Translation courtesy of Robert Harrison.
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Trifles take on the biggest proportions

Vincent van Gogh to Theo van Gogh, from The Hague, c. 4-6 May 1883

I saved up a stamp on purpose, to be able to write to you once more. . . .

If you are strained yourself, send me less than usual if it must be; but send it as soon as possible. For next week I have an arrangement with Van der Weele to go and paint in the dunes - he will show me a few things which I do not know yet.

I have been working in the dunes for some days, but I long for a model: otherwise I cannot go on.

In short, I feel rather worried. So write as soon as possible. As for the work, I am getting on pretty well, and I think you would like some of the drawings I have on hand now.

. . . Write soon, boy, for it is very unpleasant to be without a cent. It makes trifles take on the biggest proportions.

Letter 283
Translation courtesy of Robert Harrison.
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He is more advanced than I

Vincent van Gogh to Theo van Gogh, from Nuenen, April 1884

Now, just think whether it wouldn't be very unkind of you toward him if you took no notice of his visit when he comes here before long. Think over whether it is right that you, who know Rappard, have seen nothing of his work, do not even know what he makes except for what I tell you, that you do not take the slightest notice of him. Yet he is one of the people that will count - who will assert themselves - of whose work one will have to take notice. At one time Rappard came to you, and felt small in your presence because you knew so much about art. Since that year he spent in Paris - what enormous progress he has made!

I don't think you would regret it if you took my hint to heart. I simply want you to renew the acquaintance with him.

There is all the more reason for it because he is more advanced than I am. I say this simply to prevent your being guilty of negligence.

Letter 365
Translation courtesy of Robert Harrison.
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How often one is mistaken

Vincent van Gogh to To Theo van Gogh, from The Hague, c. 21 March 1883

More and more I begin to notice in myself, as well as in others, how often one is mistaken in thinking this or that "isn't so," or "that's not correct" - how often one says it when it doesn't apply, I myself no less than others. One thinks one knows something for sure, and yet if one wants to be honest, one must take it back later.

Letter 275
Translation courtesy of Robert Harrison.
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I must become more skilled

Vincent van Gogh to Theo van Gogh, from The Hague, 11 March 1883

What I myself dislike more than that line of the composition is something which, in fact, you have noticed, that the two figures are too much of one tone . . . . But I think that the principal reason is that I do not always have time enough to work as elaborately as I should like. If one works a long time on a drawing, it is possible to go more into detail, to seek the different tones. But too often I must work in a hurry. I dare not ask too much from my models. If I paid them better, I should have the right to demand longer poses, and could make better progress.

At present, I often think I get more from them than a just return on what I pay them in money.

However, I do not mean to say that there is not a still more important reason, namely, that I must become more skilled than I am before I can be ever so slightly satisfied with myself. And by and by I hope to make better and more elaborate things in the same amount of time that I now spend on them.

Letter 274
Translation courtesy of Robert Harrison.
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I am not quite satisfied

Vincent van Gogh to Theo van Gogh, from The Hague, c. 3 March 1883

Among the studies of heads - old men, etc. - which I still have, there are some which I will not be able to improve at once, because there is unquestionably some touch of nature in them, and at the same time something with which I am, of course, not quite satisfied; so I dare not say "I shall do it better in a few days."

But I mean something else by "better drawings," that is, drawn from a different point of view, and with more chiaroscuro in them, of which there is little or none in this winter's studies.

Letter 271
Translation courtesy of Robert Harrison.
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I can promise you better drawings

Vincent van Gogh to Theo van Gogh, from The Hague, c. 3 March 1883

I can promise you better drawings before long.

At all events, whether you can send me something or not, I can promise you better drawings before long.

The change in the studio itself, as far as it goes, enables me to undertake some new things already.

But there would be fewer obstacles in the way, if you could send me something extra just now. I am afraid that otherwise I should be checked by some things, either by the lack of drawing materials or by not being able to take models, or by the making of a few more alterations.

I mention "better drawings," this is meant comparatively.

Letter 271
Translation courtesy of Robert Harrison.
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They will become your friends

Vincent van Gogh to Anthon van Rappard, from The Hague, c. 9 February 1883

If you should feel some pangs of conscience about accepting these and other sheets from "The Graphic," well, just think over whether you have ever regretted taking those first ones with you last year. I don't believe it; it may be because of this or something else - but it is a fact that you think about your collection much more often this year than you used to. And that's only natural; just having these sheets oneself causes one to think of them more often and impresses them clearly and strongly on one's mind. And so I believe that these will have the same result - they will become your friends more and more. Well, personally I don't regret having given them to you, for you appreciate them and look at them as they ought to be looked at. There are so few who have a feeling for them; and it is certainly true that since you have an eye and a heart for them, I have become so attached to your friendship that it would be hard for me to do without it.

I used to think years ago that most artists had the same kinds of feelings and ideas about art as you and I, but in some sense this is not true at all.

Letter R25
Translation courtesy of Robert Harrison.
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A kind of Bible to an artist

Vincent van Gogh to Anthon van Rappard, from The Hague, c. 9 February 1883

I firmly believe that particularly the wood engravings in these first years of the Graphic will so impress you as to give you "the full certainty" of their importance. Not that I still believe you're not attached to them with all your heart - on the contrary, I no longer have any doubt about it. . . .

Now you must accept these without any more ado, and also the other duplicates which I shall get out of the Graphics. A collection of sheets like these becomes, in my opinion, a kind of Bible to an artist, in which he reads from time to time to get in a devotional mood. I think it's not only a good thing to know them, but also to have them around continually in the studio.

Letter R25
Translation courtesy of Robert Harrison.
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In spite of everything, the sun is rising

Vincent van Gogh to Theo van Gogh, from The Hague, 22 January 1882

Yesterday I had a lesson from Mauve on drawing hands and faces so as to keep the color transparent. Mauve knows things so thoroughly, and when he tells you something, he exerts himself and doesn't just say it to hear himself talk; and I exert myself to listen carefully and to put it into practice. Yesterday I told Mauve again that it was so necessary for me to earn something, but I will not ask him for money, as he gives me something that is much better than money; and besides, he has already helped me with my furniture, and that is more than enough.

Now that I have written you, I will set to work again tomorrow full of confidence. When you were in Etten last summer, you spoke about my working in watercolors. At that point I didn't even know how to start it. Now the light is beginning to dawn, and in spite of everything, the sun is rising.

Letter 172
Translation courtesy of Robert Harrison.
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Something of life itself

Vincent van Gogh to Theo van Gogh, from The Hague, 3 January 1883

As to the sentiment of the drawings, I should like to know your opinion because, as I have already said, I myself cannot judge what is or isn't in them.

Or rather, it is because I myself prefer studies like these - even though they are not quite finished and many things in them have been neglected - to drawings with a definite subject: they remind me more vividly of nature itself. You will understand what I mean: there is something of life itself in the real studies, and the person who makes them will not think of himself, but of nature, and so prefer the study to what he may perhaps make of it later - unless something quite different should finally result from the many studies, namely the type distilled from many individuals.

That's the highest thing in art, and there art sometimes rises above nature - in Millet's "Sower," for instance, there is more soul than in an ordinary sower in the field. . . .

By working hard, boy, I hope to succeed in making something good. It isn't there yet, but I aim at it and struggle for it. I want something serious - something Fresh - something with soul in it! Forward - forward.

Letter 257
Translation courtesy of Robert Harrison.
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I am beginning to see a light

Vincent van Gogh to Theo van Gogh, from The Hague, 3 January 1883

I was rather worried that you might think I had begun to slacken because you had seen so little of my work recently.

On the contrary, I have been working very hard lately, and am still absorbed in all kinds of things in which I am beginning to see a light, but which I do not quite have within my grasp yet. . . .

You speak too well of me in your letter, but your thinking well of me is all the more reason for me to try not to be quite unworthy of it. And as to what I said about having made some progress by the experiments in question, perhaps I do not see my own work clearly. Perhaps it is a step forward, perhaps not - will you tell me your opinion of it in reference to the two studies I sent you, which I did recently along with a few others?

Letter 257
Translation courtesy of Robert Harrison.
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One must work till one is master

Vincent van Gogh to Theo van Gogh, from The Hague, 28-30 December 1882

I believe that one must, and can, work till one is master of composition and the effects of light and shadow, so that in the sphere one has chosen, one can conquer the most diverse subjects: for instance, draw a first-class waiting room today, a rainy day in a poor quarter tomorrow, another time a workhouse, then again a saloon or a soup kitchen. I am not yet that far - but perhaps it takes a long time just because I look for the common root or origin of so many things.

Letter 255
Translation courtesy of Robert Harrison.
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Things worth doing one's utmost for

Vincent van Gogh to Theo van Gogh, from The Hague, 12-18 December 1882

In contrast to what I wrote you - that I often feel heavy-hearted about many things, that I cannot consider everything progress, etc. - what I said on another occasion is still true, too - that there are things which are worth doing one's utmost for, because whether people like them or not, they have in themselves a raison d'etre. Blessed is he who has found his work, says Carlyle, and that is decidedly true. . . .

When I told you in my last letter that I sometimes feel as if I were in some kind of prison, I meant only that I cannot do many things which I should like to do - which would only be possible if I had the money - but I certainly did not mean to say that I do not appreciate the present or that I am discontented, far from it. It is just by doing what is within our reach that we have a chance of making progress, so be assured that whenever you find work for me on the magazines yonder, I shall gladly try my best.

. . . I am only afraid that they wouldn't like my work: if this were because of real faults, I should try to correct them; but if it were because of the conception or sentiment in general, I could do very little to change that.

Letter 253
Translation courtesy of Robert Harrison.
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A thing I may not let go of

Vincent van Gogh to Theo van Gogh, from The Hague, 2-3 December 1882

I have listened to what Bargue says in his examples; though my work is far from being as beautiful as his, I believe the examples indicate a straight road in keeping with what other artists, including Leonardo da Vinci, have taught before. At all events, it gave a certain method to my ideas about drawing, which makes the work more systematic than it would be if one put no method into one's work. You see, this is a thing which I may not let go of.

Letter 250
Translation courtesy of Robert Harrison.
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Contrary to my conviction

Vincent van Gogh to Theo van Gogh, from The Hague, 2-3 December 1882

You write about the question of making drawings in a smaller size. I appreciate your speaking of that matter more calmly than others, who have said the same thing to me in quite a different way, and told me, If you don't work in a smaller size, this and that will happen. I think it preposterous and superficial to talk that way, and I can't believe what they say is true.

Do you know what I think? All sizes have their advantages and disadvantages; in general, for my own study I decidedly need the figure with rather large proportions, so that the head, hands and feet will not be too small and one can draw them vigorously.

. . . . I have done it this way from the very beginning - sometimes a little smaller, sometimes a little larger; and as far as my own study is concerned, I should be acting contrary to my conviction if I changed. . . .

What I said just now is only to show you how I have tried to keep some system in my work from the very beginning; I have set a kind of rule for myself - not to become the slave of that rule, but because it helps one to think more clearly.

Letter 250
Translation courtesy of Robert Harrison.
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A certain real human feeling

Vincent van Gogh to Theo van Gogh, from Drenthe, 28 October 1883

In order to maintain a certain rank, one is obliged to commit certain villainies, falsehoods - willingly and knowingly, premeditatedly. That's what I call the fatal side, even of the rayon noir, let alone when there is no rayon at all.

Now take, for instance, the painters of Barbizon: not only do I understand them as men, but in my opinion everything - the smallest, the most intimate details - sparkles with humor and life. The “painter’s family life,” with its great and small miseries, with its calamities, its sorrows and griefs, has the advantage of having a certain good will, a certain sincerity, a certain real human feeling. Just because of that not maintaining a certain standing, not even thinking about it.

Letter 336
Translation courtesy of Robert Harrison.
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In spite of everything, the sun is rising

Vincent van Gogh to Theo van Gogh, from The Hague, 22 January 1882

Yesterday I had a lesson from Mauve on drawing hands and faces so as to keep the color transparent. Mauve knows things so thoroughly, and when he tells you something, he exerts himself and doesn't just say it to hear himself talk; and I exert myself to listen carefully and to put it into practice. Yesterday I told Mauve again that it was so necessary for me to earn something, but I will not ask him for money, as he gives me something that is much better than money; and besides, he has already helped me with my furniture, and that is more than enough.

Now that I have written you, I will set to work again tomorrow full of confidence. When you were in Etten last summer, you spoke about my working in watercolors. At that point I didn't even know how to start it. Now the light is beginning to dawn, and in spite of everything, the sun is rising.

Letter 172
Translation courtesy of Robert Harrison.
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