Not to be discouraged

Vincent van Gogh to Theo van Gogh, from Antwerp, early February 1886

More and more I believe that l'art pour l'art, to work for work's sake, l'energie pour l'energie - is after all the principle of all great artists, for in the case of the de Goncourts one sees how necessary obstinacy is, for society will not thank them for it.

But in painting one finds a certain rest in the histories of those painters who aimed at the most sublime through it all.

Israels himself, for instance, was still quite unknown and poor, even to the extent of having nothing to eat but dry bread - when he nevertheless wanted to go to Paris, though the circumstances were discouraging enough.

Not to be discouraged, even though one is almost starving, and though one feels one has to say farewell to all material comfort in life!

Letter 448
Translation courtesy of Robert Harrison.
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It is no bad sign

Vincent van Gogh to Theo van Gogh, from Antwerp, c. 3 February 1886

For speaking of Cormon, I think he would tell me much the same thing as Verlat, namely that I must draw from the nude or plaster casts for a year, just because I have always been drawing from life.

And when people like Verlat or Cormon, for instance, demand this of a fellow, I assure you it is no bad sign. For there are plenty of those whom Verlat simply lets drudge on, for they will never attain anything. You speak of clever fellows in that studio of Cormon's - just because I would damn well like to be one of them, I feel for myself that I must insist on devoting at least a year in Paris to drawing from the nude and from plaster casts. And do not think this is a long way, for it is a short one. One who can draw a figure from memory is much more productive than one who cannot. And you will see how productive I shall become by taking the trouble to draw for a whole year.

Letter 449
Translation courtesy of Robert Harrison.
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My work is valuable

Vincent van Gogh to Theo van Gogh, from Nuenen, early February 1885

I think I am working a bit too hard to doubt that it will not be long before I shall be able somewhat to lighten the financial burden I am imposing on you. Maybe it will take longer than I think agreeable, to you as well as to me, but plodding on is a way that will not lead to complete failure.

And if I insist on taking vigorous measures, it is to obviate the possibility of quarreling. For the possibility of a quarrel is gone at the very moment I find the means to cover my financial needs. Then my work will no longer be at issue, and now it is.

Therefore don't despair. But now it's wretched for both of us.

And to me my work is valuable; I must paint a lot - and therefore I am continually in want of models, which - at a time when my work is difficult and exhausting - is an additional reason for thinking it rather dismal to get suspicions in exchange. Never mind, it is a period I have to go through, and one does not paint in order to have an easy time of it.

Letter 388b
Translation courtesy of Robert Harrison.
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What I lack is practice

Vincent van Gogh to Theo van Gogh, from Antwerp, c. 28 January 1886

When I compare a study of mine with those of the other fellows, it is curious to see that they have almost nothing in common. Theirs have about the same color as the flesh, so, seen close up, they are very correct - but if one stands back a little, they appear painfully flat - all that pink and delicate yellow, etc., etc., soft in itself, produces a harsh effect. The way I do it, from near by it is greenish-red, yellowish-gray, white-black and many neutral tints and most of them colors one cannot define. But when one stands back a little it emerges from the paint, and there is airiness around it, and a certain vibrating light falls on it. At the same time, the least little touch of color which one may use as highlight is effective in it.

But what I lack is practice, I must paint about fifty of them; I think I shall have reached something then. Now I put the colors on somewhat too painstakingly, because I haven't had enough practice; I must hesitate too long, and so I work the life out of it. But that is a question of time, of exercise, till the touch becomes more immediately correct, the better one has it fixed in one's mind.

I find here the friction of ideas I want. I get a fresh look at my own work, can judge better where the weak points are, which enables me to correct them.

Letter 447
Translation courtesy of Robert Harrison.
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The work depends on it

Vincent van Gogh to Theo van Gogh, from Antwerp, c. 22 January 1886

Next Monday we shall get new models; in fact, then I shall begin in earnest, and for Monday I ought to have had a large canvas; they also told me that I must definitely have other brushes, etc.

But I haven't any money left, so it is really pressing, and I wish you would do what you can, for I am also doing what I can, and almost all the time it is such that hardly anything is left for food.

It would be a relief to me if I could have your letter before Monday. What I wrote you about the clothes I want is also rather urgent. I have already made a few acquaintances who have seen the things I had brought for the admission.

I do not think I can take a shorter cut to make progress, and whether I go to the country afterward or to a studio in Paris, at all events it is a good thing to see many others paint, and specially to work regularly from the model as much as ever is possible.

Goodbye, I write you in a hurry because I must get to work. But try your best not to keep me waiting, for the work depends on it, and I assure you in any case it will be hard enough for me.

Letter 446
Translation courtesy of Robert Harrison.
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As long as the painting flourishes

Vincent van Gogh to Theo van Gogh, from Antwerp, mid-January 1886

But just consider whether, if I must go and work there or anywhere else, it is necessary for me to do something about my clothes, for I have worn mine for two years now, and especially of late they have had much wear and tear. Even a suit for some 40 fr. would do.

Therefore try, as I asked you, to send me another 50 fr., then I can keep going till the end of the month, and could buy a new pair of trousers and a waistcoat at once, and the coat in February.

It is very cold here, and most of the time I feel far from well, but as long as the painting flourishes, it doesn't matter so much.

I feel in high spirits notwithstanding all, just because it refreshes me to be in all kinds of conditions so disparate from those in the country, and it may be that I shall feel at home here after all.

Letter 445
Translation courtesy of Robert Harrison.
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Just for practice

Vincent van Gogh to Theo van Gogh, from Antwerp, mid-January 1886

Then I have to go and see two fellows about portraits; I do not know what the result will be.

One is a question of two portraits of a couple of very beautiful hussies, types with dark eyes, dark hair, two sisters, who I suppose are kept women.

And the other one is a portrait of a married woman. But I repeat, there is nothing definite, and it may come to nothing.

But I know that eventually I would be willing to do them for nothing, just for practice.

Letter 445
Translation courtesy of Robert Harrison.
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I think differently

Vincent van Gogh to Theo van Gogh, from Nuenen, 31 January 1885

You commit an error if on your part you are unable to understand that your being suspicious of me is positively improper. Most certainly I think differently, I feel differently, I act differently. But it is quite consistent when viewed in its proper relation.

And considering that when I was in Drenthe and I advised you to become a painter, you wrote me that I was speaking about your affairs from afar and I conceded this point, the reverse is most certainly true too, namely that you can only make a wild guess about my doings here. So give up your suspicions, for they are simply improper. And the means must be found in the good progress my work is making - leaving the matter of more or less mutual sympathy out of the question - to be at least inoffensive to each other, however much our ways may run in opposite directions.

Letter 388a
Translation courtesy of Robert Harrison.
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I am making progress after all

Vincent van Gogh to Theo van Gogh, from Nuenen, 31 January 1885

I have explained to you at great length that the painting of the 50 studies of heads which I intend to do leads to my incurring more expense than usual. And as, by your writing that you are suspicious of me, you yourself are the cause of this, I feel vexed when I think that my being embarrassed every now and then is to be attributed more to this than to anything else. My not selling anything would not worry me so much if only my work could be pushed forward with all possible vigor.

Well, I am doing all I can, and I am making progress after all. You will also have to take back what you said about your suspiciousness. When this will be, you will have to decide for yourself - but I only want to say by way of caution that the ugliest misunderstandings are caused by suspicion.

Letter 388a
Translation courtesy of Robert Harrison.
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I shall keep a straight course

Vincent van Gogh to Theo van Gogh, from Nuenen, c 24 January 1885

Though the month is not quite over, my purse is quite empty. I work on as hard as I can, and I for my part think that by constantly studying the model, I shall keep a straight course.

I wish you could send me the money a few days before the 1st for that same reason, that the ends of the month are always hard, because the work brings such heavy expenses, and I don't sell any of it. But this will not go on so for ever, for I work too hard and too much not to arrive eventually at the point of being able to defray my expenses, without being in a dependent position. For the rest, nature outside and the interiors of the cottages, they are splendid in their tone and sentiment just at present; I try hard not to lose time.

Letter 393
Translation courtesy of Robert Harrison.
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I know no other way

Vincent van Gogh to Theo van Gogh, from Nuenen, c 24 January 1885

All the time I am working at various heads and hands.

I have also drawn some again, perhaps you would find something in them, perhaps not, I can't help it. I repeat, I know no other way.

But I can't understand that you say: perhaps later on we shall admire even the things done now.

If I were you, I should have so much self-confidence and independent opinion that I should know whether I could see now what there was or was not in a thing.

Well, you must know those things for yourself.

Letter 393
Translation courtesy of Robert Harrison.
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Get a faith

Vincent van Gogh to Theo van Gogh, from Nuenen, c 24 January 1885

What Michelangelo said in a splendid metaphor, I think Millet has said without metaphor, and Millet can perhaps best teach us to see, and get "a faith." If I do better work later on, I certainly shall not work differently than now, I mean it will be the same apple, though riper; I shall not change my mind about what I have thought from the beginning. And that is the reason why I say for my part: if I am no good now, I shall be no good later on either, but if later on, then now too. For corn is corn, though people from the city may take it for grass at first, and also the other way round.

In any case, whether people approve or do not approve of what I do and how I do it, I for my part know no other way than to wrestle so long with nature that she tells me her secret.

All the time I am working . . .

Letter 393
Translation courtesy of Robert Harrison.
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Keeping silent is nearly dissimulation

Vincent van Gogh to Theo van Gogh, from Nuenen, 2 January 1884

Saying a few words about things is different from forcing them - at certain moments keeping silent about something is nearly identical with dissimulation. I just did not want to do that.

As for the rest, whether isolated or not, I will try to manage so that I can work on; and as to my opinions - I sometimes think of what Taine says, "It seems to me that as far as the worker is personally concerned, he can keep that to himself," so it was probably a mistake on my part not to keep things strictly to myself. And bear in mind that I do not want you to consider the help you give me as a thing you are obliged to do, for you were not obliged to do it in the past, nor are you now, it has been a voluntary thing on your part for which I, for my part, feel, and I repeat, shall certainly always feel, a real obligation to you.

Letter 351
Translation courtesy of Robert Harrison.
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To lead a hard life

Vincent van Gogh to his mother, from Saint-Remy, 20 December 1889

As I told you, I am sometimes sorry that I am often so absent-minded, I struggle against it, but it makes me unable to do many things I ought to do. As for my health, there is literally nothing the matter with it, but the shock of last year makes me feel like not leaving the hospital. Sometimes I imagine that if I gave up painting and had to lead a hard life, say, as a soldier in the East, it would cure me. But it is somewhat late for that, and I am afraid I should be refused. I am thinking this half in jest, half in earnest.

For the present my work is going well, but of course my thoughts are always directed on the colors and on drawing, going around in a rather small circle. So I want only to live by the day - trying to get on from one day to the other. And besides, my painter-friends also often complain that the profession makes one so powerless, or that it is the powerless who follow it.

Letter 619
Translation courtesy of Robert Harrison.
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All painters are more or less crazy

Vincent van Gogh to his mother, from Saint-Remy, 20 December 1889

It is a year since I fell ill, and it is difficult for me to say how far I have or have not recovered. I often feel much self-reproach about things in the past, my illness being more or less my own fault, in any case I doubt if I can make up for faults in any way.

But reasoning and thinking about these things is sometimes so difficult, and sometimes my feelings overwhelm me more than before.

In the beginning when I fell ill, I could not resign myself to the idea of having to go into a hospital. And at present I admit that I should have been treated even earlier, but to err is human.

A French writer says that all painters are more or less crazy, and though quite a lot can be said against this, it is certain that one gets too distrait in it. Whatever the truth of it may be, I imagine that here, where I don't have to worry about anything, etc., the quality of my work is progressing.

And thus, I go on with relative calmness, and do my best in my work, and don't consider myself among the unhappy ones.

Letter 619
Translation courtesy of Robert Harrison.
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Working very hard and ceaselessly

Vincent van Gogh to Wilhelmina van Gogh, from Saint-Remy, 20 December 1889

I'm adding a word to you in great haste; it is exactly a year ago that I had that attack; I have no reason to complain too much, as things are going better with me at the moment, but it is to be feared that it will come back from time to time. And this leaves the head in a latent state of sensibility.

I have been working very hard and ceaselessly for two weeks.

Life is not always very gay here, and my companions in distress are very often bored, but there is much resignation and patience here. But many of them are doing nothing, and remain absorbed in thought all day long, and now and then I feel inclined to believe that they would be better off in an asylum where manual labor was obligatory.

Letter W18
Translation courtesy of Robert Harrison.
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I am still full of remorse

Vincent van Gogh to Theo van Gogh, from Saint-Remy, 15 December 1889

If I could one day prove that I have not impoverished the family, that would comfort me. For now I am still full of remorse at spending money with no return. But as you say, patience and work are the only chance of getting away from that.

However, I often think that if I had done as you did, if I had stayed with Goupils', if I had confined myself to selling pictures, I should have done better. For in business, even if you yourself do not produce, you make others produce. Just now so many artists need support from the dealers, and only rarely do they find it.

Letter 617
Translation courtesy of Robert Harrison.
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It will be best to stick to my work

Vincent van Gogh to his mother, from Saint-Remy, 10 December 1889

Be sure that I think of you often, here where I spend my days more withdrawn into myself than now and then seems to me desirable.

Yet I have decidedly no reason at all to complain, feeling stronger and healthier and quieter than before, and compared with this time last year, when I really had no thought of recovering. Yet I shall always keep on feeling the shock, and it will be best to stick to my work, leaving the rest alone as hardly being compatible with it, and as worrying cannot do much good.

Letter 616
Translation courtesy of Robert Harrison.
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Victory will come to us one day

Vincent van Gogh to Theo van Gogh, from Arles, 4 December 1888

If we can stand the siege, victory will come to us one day, in spite of our not being among the people who are talked about. It is rather a case that makes you think of the proverb - joy in public, sorrow at home.

What can you expect? Supposing that the fight is still before us, we must just try to mature quietly.

You always told me to work more for quality than quantity.

Letter 560
Translation courtesy of Robert Harrison.
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I feel in my element

Vincent van Gogh to Theo van Gogh, from Arles, 4 December 1888

Our days pass in working, working all the time, in the evening we are dead beat and go off to the cafe, and after that, early to bed! Such is our life.

I have made portraits of a whole family, that of the postman whose head I had done previously - the man, his wife, the baby, the young boy, and the son of sixteen, all of them real characters and very French, though they look like Russians. You know how I feel about this, how I feel in my element, and that it consoles me up to a certain point for not being a doctor. I hope to get on with this and to be able to get more careful posing, paid for by portraits. And if I manage to do this whole family better still, at least I shall have done something to my liking and something individual.

Letter 560
Translation courtesy of Robert Harrison.
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An ordinary worker

Vincent van Gogh to Theo van Gogh, from Antwerp, 28 December 1884

Something about my constitution that has pleased me a great deal is that a doctor in Amsterdam, with whom I once discussed a few things that sometimes made me think that I wasn't long for this world, and whose opinion I didn't ask for directly, wanting simply to gauge the first impression of someone who didn't know me at all and availing myself of a small upset I had at the time to bring the conversation round to my general constitution - I was absolutely delighted that this doctor took me for an ordinary worker, saying, "I daresay you're an ironworker by trade." That's exactly what I'd been trying to achieve - when I was younger you could tell that my mind was overwrought, and now I look like a bargee or an ironworker.

And changing one's constitution so that one gets a thick skin is no easy matter. However, I must go on being careful, try to hold on to what I have and to improve on it still.

Letter 442
Translation courtesy of Robert Harrison.
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I haven't lost heart yet

Vincent van Gogh to Theo van Gogh, from Antwerp, 28 December 1884

Well, you can see that I am working with a will. If I could sell something so that I could earn a bit more, I should work even harder.

As for Portier - I haven't lost heart yet - but poverty is dogging my steps and at present all dealers are suffering a little from the same defect, that of being more or less "a people withdrawn from society" - they are so much sunk in gloom that how is one really to feel inspired to go grubbing about in all that indifference and apathy - the more so as the disease is contagious.

For it's just a lot of nonsense that business is slack, one has to work even so with self-confidence and enthusiasm, in short with some zeal.

Letter 442
Translation courtesy of Robert Harrison.
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Many who undertake to change

Vincent van Gogh to Theo van Gogh, from Nuenen, 8-12 November 1885

Now as to that acquaintance of mine and his opinion of pictures; when someone with a clear intelligent head paints still life and works out-of-doors every day, if only for a year, he need not therefore be an art critic, neither does he feel he is a painter yet, but for all that he will observe more originally than many others.

Besides, his character is not just like everybody's, for instance, he was originally intended to become a priest, at a certain moment he flatly refused this, and carried his point, in which not exactly every one in Brabant succeeds. And there is something broad-minded and loyal about him.

Zola once referred to this something in a conversation between Mouret and his school-fellow, when he let Mouret get serious and say that it had cost him a great deal to free himself from that time and its influence, but that he had wanted to live and that he had lived. Many who undertake to change fall back, don't come any further than a certain insipid methodism because they don't take their measures energetically enough.

Letter 431
Translation courtesy of Robert Harrison.
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Risking one's all

Vincent van Gogh to Theo van Gogh, from Nuenen, 1 November 1884

That the system of doing business solely if one is assured of success is not the best one, and is in reality no more than a commonplace way of looking at things.

Doing business nonetheless, doing something, moving for the sake of moving, hating stagnation and sterility, this, as I see it, is a more broad-minded and profitable way.

So it is always the same - not beating about the bush - not taking things too much to heart - but having a certain confidence in certain things; certainly gaining the ever-stronger conviction that carrying on a fight and concentrating oneself on a few well-defined points, but all the same risking one's all, is the best thing to do.

Letter 384
Translation courtesy of Robert Harrison.
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"Am I an artist or am I not?"

Vincent van Gogh to Theo van Gogh, from Drenthe, 19 November 1883

In the same way, in the matter of art, the problem, "Am I an artist or am I not?" must not induce us not to draw or not to paint. Many things defy definition, and I consider it wrong to fritter one's time away on them. Certainly when one's work does not go smoothly and one is checked by difficulties, one gets bogged in the morass of such thoughts and insoluble problems. And because one feels sorely troubled by it, the best thing to do is to conquer the cause of the distraction by acquiring a new insight into the practical part of the work.

Letter 338
Translation courtesy of Robert Harrison.
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I think Paris enervating

Vincent van Gogh to Theo van Gogh, from Drenthe, 17 November 1883

And, for myself, I think Paris enervating, and I see no good in living there permanently, neither for myself nor for you.

As for me, perhaps I shall have to be there for a time in order to make some contacts (made impossible for me at The Hague), but I will stay in the country as much as I can, and the only thing which counts with me is painting or drawing. . . .

How inexpressibly beautiful it is here!

You cannot see it at all from my studies yet; I still have much to learn before I can express how it really is here, and it is also a question of time.

One thing I declare, that this country had an influence of calm, of faith, of courage on me, and I believe you need that influence too - it would be the very, very best thing for you; it would make you discover yourself again, your soul, but in a more genuine and complete way than at the time of drawing mills. But I am afraid you consider what I say as the product of my imagination, my words as idle and without foundation.

Letter 341
Translation courtesy of Robert Harrison.
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The utmost stress

Vincent van Gogh to Theo van Gogh, from Drenthe, 17 November 1883

How should I manage then? Well, for instance, I could try to get a job as an illustrator for a magazine, or, in short, do anything "n'importe quoi," for which perhaps you yourself would know an opportunity, or in which you could advise me . . . .

But if I were left entirely to myself, I might take a chance in Paris, or London, or The Hague - in short, in some city in a printer's or a magazine's office - of course trying at the same time to make and sell drawings and paintings; and after that, manage to get back to Drenthe.

Then I should want, however, to submit myself to the utmost stress in order to force myself to be productive, and I would beg to stop the present assistance of my own accord.

Letter 341
Translation courtesy of Robert Harrison.
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Get to work now

Vincent van Gogh to Theo van Gogh, from Drenthe, 3 November 1883

Well, dear fellow, what I advise you is something quite new. "The faith of a coalminer" in art, instead of saying (and to me it is twaddle), I can't do anything, I am not an artist, do not attribute qualities to me that I do not possess, and all that rubbish. I tell you this is a delusion, and now, my dear fellow, things are so serious, and your future and mine are so terribly dependent on them that you must not take it amiss if I tell you a little baldly that the right thing to do under the circumstances is to undertake painting with the faith of a coalminer. . . .

Perhaps, or rather, assuredly, we were mistaken in not starting on it sooner, but this mistake is understandable on account of our education and the influences we were submitted to; but this is all the more reason to get to work now with a steadiness and a resolution which I doubt we should have had at our disposal in our younger days. So it appears to me that we must concentrate our whole energy on painting with the utmost singleness of purpose - it being the raft that will take us safely to shore after the shipwreck - undertaking it in all cheerfulness.

Letter 339b
Translation courtesy of Robert Harrison.
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A quiet delight in one's work

Vincent van Gogh to Theo van Gogh, from Drenthe, 2 November 1883

That return of the flock in the dusk was the finale of the symphony I heard yesterday. The day passed like a dream, I had been so immersed in that heart-rending music all day that I had literally forgotten to eat and drink - I had had a slice of black bread and a cup of coffee in the little inn where I had drawn the spinning wheel. The day was over and from dawn till dusk, or rather from one night till the next, I had lost myself in that symphony. I came home and as I sat by the fire it occurred to me that I felt hungry, no, I realized I was ravenous.

But now you can see what it is like here. One feels just as if one were at, say, an exhibition des cent chef-d'œvres. What does one bring back from such a day? Merely a number of rough sketches. Yet there is something else one brings back - a quiet delight in one's work.

Letter 340
Translation courtesy of Robert Harrison.
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Just slap anything on

Vincent van Gogh to Theo van Gogh, from Nuenen, October 1884

Just slap anything on when you see a blank canvas staring you in the face like some imbecile. You don't know how paralyzing that is, that stare of a blank canvas is, which says to the painter, You can’t do a thing. The canvas has an idiotic stare and mesmerizes some painters so much that they turn into idiots themselves. Many painters are afraid in front of the blank canvas, but the blank canvas is afraid of the real, passionate painter who dares and who has broken the spell of "you can't" once and for all.

Life itself, too, is forever turning an infinitely vacant, dispiriting blank side towards man on which nothing appears, any more than it does on a blank canvas. But no matter how vacant and vain, how dead life may appear to be, the man of faith, of energy, of warmth, who knows something, will not be put off so easily. He wades in and does something and stays with it, in short, he violates, "defiles" - they say. Let them talk, those cold theologians.

Letter 378
Translation courtesy of Robert Harrison.
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More than ordinary patience

Vincent van Gogh to Theo van Gogh, from Drenthe, 29 October 1883

I feel my own incurable melancholy, caused by certain developments in the past, and then they want to tell me that my mood is "the rash fanaticism of youth"! Far, very far from it. In your mood one is "in damned earnest," as the English say. You do not expect to find something soft or sweet, no, you know that you are in for a fight against something like a rock, no, you know that it is impossible to conquer nature and to make her more amenable without a terrible struggle and without more than ordinary patience.

Letter 339a
Translation courtesy of Robert Harrison.
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Look forward to victory

Vincent van Gogh to Theo van Gogh, from Drenthe, 28 October 1883

If there were only half a possibility, I believe you would do well to risk the venture. I do not think you would ever regret it. You would be able to develop the best that is in you, and have a more peaceful life altogether. Neither of us would be alone, our work would merge. In the beginning we should have to live through anxious moments, we should have to prepare ourselves for them, and take measures to overcome them; we should not be able to go back, we should not look back nor be able to look back; on the contrary, we should force ourselves to look ahead. But it's in this period that we shall be far removed from all our friends and acquaintances, we shall fight this fight without anybody seeing us, and this will be the best thing that can happen, for then nobody will hinder us. We shall look forward to victory - we feel it in our very bones. We shall be so busy working that we shall be absolutely unable to think of anything else but our work.

Letter 336
Translation courtesy of Robert Harrison.
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One is one's own horse

Vincent van Gogh to Theo van Gogh, from Drenthe, 28 October 1883

I know the soul's struggle of two people: Am I a painter or not? Of Rappard and of myself - a struggle, hard sometimes, a struggle which accurately marks the difference between us and certain other people who take things less seriously; as for us, we feel wretched at times; but each bit of melancholy brings a little light, a little progress; certain other people have less trouble, work more easily perhaps, but then their personal character develops less. . . .

If you hear a voice within you saying, "You are not a painter," then by all means paint, boy, and that voice will be silenced, but only by working. He who goes to friends and tells his troubles when he feels like that loses part of his manliness, part of the best that's in him; your friends can only be those who themselves struggle against it, who raise your activity by their own example of action. One must undertake it with confidence, with a certain assurance that one is doing a reasonable thing, like the farmer drives his plow, and even drags the harrow himself. If one hasn't a horse, one is one's own horse.

Letter 336
Translation courtesy of Robert Harrison.
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A fight to free ourselves

Vincent van Gogh to Theo van Gogh, from Drenthe, 28 October 1883

Well, if this were mere speculation, I should not want to think of it - but in this case it means a fight to free ourselves from the world of conventions and speculation. It is something good, something peaceful, an honest enterprise. Most certainly it will be our intention to try to earn our bread, but only in the literal sense of the word. Money, as far as it is not used for the absolute necessaries of life, leaves us cold. We shall do nothing we need be ashamed of; with what Carlyle calls "quite a royal feeling," we shall be able to roam about in nature freely, and to work - we shall be able to work, because we are honest. We shall say, when we were children we made a mistake, or rather, We had to obey, and do certain things to earn our bread. Later such and such things happened, and then we thought it advisable to turn handicraftsmen. Because certain things were too puffed up. If you should talk this over with other people, they would advise against it unanimously, I think . . . .

Letter 336
Translation courtesy of Robert Harrison.
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Damned serious

Vincent van Gogh to Theo van Gogh, from Drenthe, 28 October 1883

Whatever may be said of the art world, it is not rotten. On the contrary, it has improved and improved, and perhaps the summit has already been reached; but at all events we are still quite near it, and as long as you and I live, though we might reach the age of a hundred, there will be a certain real vitality. So he who wants to paint - must put his shoulder to the wheel. . . .

One should begin by saying with all possible courage, gaiety, enthusiasm, I know none of us can do a thing, but for all that, we are painters. Our wanting in itself means action. This is what I believe should be the main idea. We are alive - if we do not work "like so many Negroes," we shall die of want, and we shall cut a most ridiculous figure. However, we happen to abhor this mightily - because of that same thing which I call surprising youthfulness - and in addition, a seriousness that is damned serious.

That...to put his skin into it.

Letter 336
Translation courtesy of Robert Harrison.
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I am so happy

Vincent van Gogh to Theo van Gogh, from Arles, 17 September 1888

As long as you can manage to bear the burden of all this paint and canvas and all the money that I spend, keep on sending it. Because the stuff I am getting ready will be better than the last batch, and I think we shall make something on it instead of losing. If only I can manage to do a coherent whole. That is what I am trying to do. . . .

I am so happy in the house and in my work that I even dare to think that this happiness will not always be limited to one, but that you will have a share in it and good luck to go with it.

Letter 539
Translation courtesy of Robert Harrison.
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Never thinking of a single rule

Vincent van Gogh to Theo van Gogh, from Arles, 17 September 1888

I wrote to you already, early this morning, then I went away to go on with a picture of a garden in the sunshine. Then I brought it back and went out again with a blank canvas, and that also is finished. And now I want to write you again.

Because I have never had such a chance, nature here being so extraordinarily beautiful. Everywhere and all over the vault of heaven is a marvelous blue, and the sun sheds a radiance of pale sulfur, and it is soft and as lovely as the combination of heavenly blues and yellows in a Van der Meer of Delft. I cannot paint it as beautifully as that, but it absorbs me so much that I let myself go, never thinking of a single rule. . . .

I am beginning to feel that I am quite a different creature from what I was when I came here. I have no doubts, no hesitation in attacking things, and this may increase.

Letter 539
Translation courtesy of Robert Harrison.
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Created from day to day

Vincent van Gogh to Theo van Gogh, from Arles, 12 September 1888

Ideas for my work are coming to me in swarms, so that though I'm alone, I have no time to think or to feel, I go on painting like a steam engine. I think there will hardly ever be a standstill again. And my view is that you will never find a live studio ready-made, but that it is created from day to day by patient work and going on and on in one place.

Letter 535
Translation courtesy of Robert Harrison.
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A real painter's career

Vincent van Gogh to Theo van Gogh, from Arles, 4 September 1888

I am writing you as I wait for Bock, the Belgian, who is leaving early this morning. He is already thirty-three; he has spent ten years in Paris and in traveling; his sister is older than he is. Although so far he hasn't been up to much as a painter, if on his return to his own country he can at last shake off his slackness, brought about by the enervating influence of Paris and hanging about with slackers, he will be fairly on the threshold of a real painter's career.

Letter 532
Translation courtesy of Robert Harrison.
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I am almost paralyzed

Vincent van Gogh to Theo van Gogh, from Nuenen, September 1884

I intended to have twelve photographs taken - a series of Brabant scenes, including the six I am making for Hermans.

I intended to send them to some illustrated papers, to try to get some work, or at least to become known. . . .

However, I will have another photo taken of the weavers in carte-de-visite size only, because being so far away from the illustrated papers here, I must find a means to get connections in another way than by words. . . .

Recently I have been working very hard; I believe, what with other emotions, I have even overworked myself. For I am in a melancholy mood, and all these things have combined to upset me in such a way that there are many days when I am almost paralyzed.

I cannot eat, and I cannot sleep - that is to say, not enough, and that makes one weak.

Letter 380
Translation courtesy of Robert Harrison.
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Be daring like a young man

Vincent van Gogh to Theo van Gogh, from Nuenen, September 1884

If only a number of Mourets would come forward, who would buy and sell in a way different from the old routine, it would be excellent - then there would be more and more work to do. But if no Mourets came forward, then the trade may undergo a complete change because the painters themselves might put it on a new basis by starting permanent exhibitions without the old intermediary. I so much wish you knew and felt how young you are still, if only you would act and be daring like a young man.

If you are no artist in painting then try to be an artist as a dealer like Mouret. As for myself - though at present I am on ne peut plus hard up - yet I feel that within a few years I shall blithely dare to undertake running up much bigger bills for colors and other things. I want to have a lot of work to do - believe me - and I don't intend to be bored - do a great deal or drop dead.

Letter 379
Translation courtesy of Robert Harrison.
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We are able to take action

Vincent van Gogh to Wilhelmina van Gogh, from Paris, Summer-Fall 1887

And if, full of good intentions, we search in the books of which it is said that they illuminate the darkness, with the best will in the world we find precious little that is certain, and not always the satisfaction of personal consolation. . . .

Is the Bible enough for us? These days I think Jesus himself would say again to those who sit down in melancholy, "It is not here, it is risen. Why seek ye the living among the dead?" If the spoken or written word is to remain the light of the world, then we have the right and duty to acknowledge that we live in an age when it should be spoken and written in such a way that, if it is to be just as great and just as good and just as original and just as potent as ever to transform the whole of society, then its effect must be comparable to that of the revolution wrought by the old Christians.

I, for my part, am always glad that I have read the Bible more carefully than many people do nowadays, just because it gives me some peace of mind to know that there used to be such lofty ideals.

But precisely because I find the old beautiful, I find the new even more beautiful because we are able to take action in our own time while the past and the future concern us only indirectly.

Letter W01
Translation courtesy of Robert Harrison.
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…and not let anything crush us

Vincent van Gogh to Theo van Gogh, from Nuenen, late August 1885

Really, when I think of my own experience, when I think how my working for some years at Goupil & Co.'s ended in my being drawn very strongly toward home, when I think how there followed for me an absolutely bewildering crisis which soon left me entirely alone, and how everything and everybody I had formerly relied upon changed completely and left me high and dry. When I think of those melancholy times, I am so afraid that the present will prove to be no firm ground under your feet. . . . I speak as somebody who has known strife and is still in the midst of the fight. Well with every new year time seems to go more quickly, more things seem to happen, things go in a greater rush.

I say this without beating about the bush in order to show you that, in case things were to change for you, I should think it the most natural and comprehensible thing in the world, and far from wanting to reproach you with anything, I should propose that we undertake more things together, and not let anything crush us, either of us. On the contrary, we should both show that our hearts are full of vim and energy - and love of art of a sterling quality.

I often have to fight against rather serious troubles, instead of being prosperous, quite the opposite.

Well - but the more unfavorable outward circumstances become, the more the inner resources, that is the love for the work, increase. And if no new resources, yet new - renewed - chances will offer themselves.

Letter 422
Translation courtesy of Robert Harrison.
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Always doing what I can't do yet

Vincent van Gogh to Anthon van Rappard, from Nuenen, second half of August 1885

The work in question, the painting of peasants, is such a hard job that the utterly weak won't even attempt it.

And at least I have attempted it, and I have laid certain foundations, which is not exactly the easiest part of the job! And in drawing as well as in painting I can sometimes keep hold of certain solid and useful things, a firmer hold than you think, amice. But I am always doing what I can't do yet in order to learn how to do it. But writing you about this bores me. So I'll end by saying that the work is difficult, and that, instead of quarreling, the fellows who paint peasants and the common people would do wisely to join hands as much as possible. Union is strength, and what we have to fight against is not each other but those fellows who, even in the present period, are obstructing the progress of the ideas which Millet and others of a past generation fought for and which they pioneered. Nothing is a greater hindrance than this fatal fighting among ourselves.

Letter R57
Translation courtesy of Robert Harrison.
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Downright starvation

Vincent van Gogh to Theo van Gogh, from Nuenen, mid August 1885

So, in short - work hard - but at the same time try to work sensibly. The trouble you have taken along with me - for furnishing money is taking trouble too, and I don't in the least try to get away from it - this trouble anyway has been an act of personal initiative, of personal will and energy - but what shall I have to say and think of it if there is nothing to compensate for the gradual but undeniable weakening of financial aid?

In my opinion, at least, now is just the moment to try to do something with my work. . . .

You told me yourself, "Where there's a will there's a way." Well, I am going to take you at your word a little, at least as to your really wanting us to make progress together.

If I were to demand extravagant things and you refused - well, all right then - but when it is a question of the most urgent, the very simplest necessities of life, and it is increasingly and ever more badly becoming downright starvation, only then do I think you go too far in your economizing, and that in this respect it is far from useful.

Letter 420
Translation courtesy of Robert Harrison.
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We must try energetically to push forward

Vincent van Gogh to Theo van Gogh, from Nuenen, c. 7 August 1885

And to you I speak, and I shall go on speaking, as one person dealing in pictures to another person dealing in pictures, and I will not trespass on the other territory.

And the question I started discussing with you is that however great the depression may be, and however much trouble we shall have to take, we must try energetically to push forward the little painting business that belongs to you as much as to me.

I say it may be a lifeboat which may be of use to you in the tempest, although I don't wish for this tempest any more than you can wish for it.

Letter 419b
Translation courtesy of Robert Harrison.
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I don't ask high prices

Vincent van Gogh to Mr. Furnee, from Nuenen, 3 August 1885

I work too hard to believe that I work in vain. . . .

I buy nearly everything cash down and I regulate my requirements so much in accordance with my ready money that now and then weeks pass without my spending a single guilder except on bread. . . . I have no friends - and yet I tell you, do not despair of getting your money!

But could you manage to show some of my work at The Hague? That would be the best thing, and in this way you would serve your own interests as well as mine. I don't ask high prices, and the amount in question is not big. And therefore I suggest you try it. I haven't any money, less than ever before, as this is a period in which I am making myself independent of all subsidies.

Letter 419a
Translation courtesy of Robert Harrison.
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My only means of paying you

Vincent van Gogh to Mr. Furnee, from Nuenen, 3 August 1885

I have only one thing, and that is steadily improving: I mean my pictures and my drawings.

What I hear people say about them is good as well as bad, and they can all think whatever they like of them. But as for the present case - seeing that they represent my only means of paying you, what do you want? . . .

Do you want me to send you some of my work, so that you will be able to show it to art lovers?

There is nothing I should like better. . . .

I don't think you will be the loser if you try to achieve some success with my paintings. I am willing to send you a number of them, and perhaps they will not disappoint you. It might mean that I should not only be able to pay you, but also to buy even more colors.

Letter 419a
Translation courtesy of Robert Harrison.
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I have only one thing

Vincent van Gogh to Mr. Furnee, from Nuenen, 3 August 1885

Perhaps you know that until now I have received financial help from my brother, who is an art dealer in Paris. I am making progress with my work, and the chances of selling are better than they used to be; but at the same time this is the very moment when financial assistance from others has been completely discontinued, and I am exclusively dependent on my own work. . . .

And look here - suppose you draw a bill of exchange on me, well, I cannot pay cash; if I have it, it will be 10 guilders one time and 5 guilders another, and to earn these I shall have to pay for canvas, colors, brushes again. So if you should demand payment, you would have to resort to extreme measures (if you should insist on ready money), i.e. selling my furniture and my other possessions. . . .

So what will you gain by doing this? If you really want to, I should not much care, but it would most decidedly not bee the way to get your money; but if you will wait, I will pay you in full. . . .

I have only one thing, and that is steadily improving: I mean my pictures and my drawings.

Letter 419a
Translation courtesy of Robert Harrison.
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Working on to the utmost

Vincent van Gogh to Theo van Gogh, from The Hague, 22 July 1883

I do not approve, Theo, of spending more than one receives, but when it is a question of going on strike or working on, I vote for working on to the utmost.

Millet and the other masters worked on till writs were served on them, or some have been in prison, or have had to move from one place to another, but I do not see that any one of them gave up his work.

And I am only beginning, but I see it from afar, like a dark shadow, and sometimes it makes my work gloomy.

Letter 301
Translation courtesy of Robert Harrison.
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If only I may keep your sympathy

Vincent van Gogh to Theo van Gogh, from The Hague, 22 July 1883

Yet, Theo, you need not spare me if it's only a question of money - if only as a friend and a brother you keep a little sympathy for my work, saleable or unsaleable. If only I may keep your sympathy in this respect, I care very little for all the rest, and we must calmly and deliberately find ways and means. . . .

Oh, Theo, I could make so much more progress if I could spend a little more. But I can't find the way out, I am handicapped by expenses everywhere. When I read the biographies of other painters, I find that they all needed money and were miserable when they couldn't go on.

Letter 301
Translation courtesy of Robert Harrison.
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The burden is sometimes so heavy

Vincent van Gogh to Theo van Gogh, from The Hague, 22 July 1883

The weeks passed - many, many weeks and months of late - when the expenses were repeatedly heavier than I could afford, notwithstanding all my worrying and economizing and however much I racked my brains. As soon as your money arrives, I must not only manage to live ten days on it, but I have so many things to pay for at once that from the start those ten days which are ahead are bound to mean starvation. . . .

And it happens to me, too: when I am sitting in the dunes or somewhere else, I have a faint feeling in my stomach because there isn't enough to eat. . . .

Well, I should not care, Theo, if I could only stick to the thought, It will come out right, we must go on. But now your saying, "I can give you little hope for the future," is like "the hair that finally breaks the camel's back" to me. The burden is sometimes so heavy that one extra hair is enough to make the animal sink to the ground.

Now what am I to do?

Letter 301
Translation courtesy of Robert Harrison.
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It became too much today

Vincent van Gogh to Theo van Gogh, from The Hague, 22 July 1883

It became too much today. Work is the only remedy; if that does not help, one breaks down.

And you see the trouble is that the possibility of working depends on selling the work, for there are expenses - the more one works, the greater the expenses are (though the latter is not true in every respect). When one does not sell and has no other income, it is impossible to make the progress which would otherwise follow of its own accord.

The fact is, brother, that the general state of affairs oppressed me more than I could bear, and I am telling you my thoughts. I only wish you would come soon. And do write soon, for I need it. Of course there is nobody but you whom I can speak to about it, for it does not concern other people, and they have nothing to do with it.

Letter 302
Translation courtesy of Robert Harrison.
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If one tries one's utmost

Vincent van Gogh to Theo van Gogh, from The Hague, 22 July 1883

But, boy, you know it yourself - what things in practical life must one devote one's strength and thought and energy to? One must take a chance and say, I will do a certain thing and carry it through. Well, then it may turn out wrong, and one may hit an impenetrable barrier when people do not care for it; but one needn't care after all, need one? I don't think one has to worry over it; but sometimes it becomes too hard, and one feels miserable against one's will.

And now I thought, I am sorry that I didn't fall ill and die in the Borinage that time, instead of taking up painting, for I am only a burden to you. And yet I cannot help it, for one must go through many phases to become a good painter, and what one makes in the meantime is not exactly bad if one tries one's utmost; but there ought to be people who see it in the light of its tendency and objective, and who do not ask the impossible.

Things are looking dark right now.

Letter 302
Translation courtesy of Robert Harrison.
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Work with love and intelligence

Vincent van Gogh to Theo van Gogh, from The Hague, 26 July 1882

But I repeat, everyone who works with love and intelligence finds a kind of armor against the opinion of other people in the very sincerity of his love for nature and art. Nature is also severe and, so to speak, hard; but she never deceives and always helps us on.

So I do not count my falling into disgrace with Tersteeg, or whomever, a misfortune; though I am sorry about it, that cannot be the real cause of misfortune. If I had no love for nature or my work, then I should indeed be misfortunate. The worse I get along with people, the more I learn to have faith in nature and to concentrate on her.

Letter 220
Translation courtesy of Robert Harrison.
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All depends on the work

Vincent van Gogh to Theo van Gogh, from The Hague, 26 July 1882

Be sure, boy, that I am quite my old self again, and be sure I believe that all depends on the work, and that I consider everything in direct relation to it. The new studio is a great improvement on the old one; it makes work easier, and it is much better for posing especially because one can take a greater distance. . . .

By going quietly on with my work I have every hope of eventually getting an entirely new circle of acquaintances to compensate for the loss of the sympathy of Mauve, Tersteeg and others; but I will make no step toward it, not the least - it must come from the work itself.

Letter 220
Translation courtesy of Robert Harrison.
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I will concentrate on art

Vincent van Gogh to Theo van Gogh, from The Hague, 23 July 1882

I certainly and confidently believe, brother, that to all the hints they may give you to convince you to stop sending me money, you will quietly answer that you have faith in my becoming a good painter, and so will continue to help me; that as to my private life and business, you left me free therein, and will neither force me nor help others to force me. Then I believe they will soon stop their gossip. The only thing they can do is exclude me from some circles where they consider me an outcast. Which is nothing new and doesn't bother me one way or the other. I will concentrate more and more on art. And though some people may damn me irrevocably and forever, in the nature of things my profession and my work will open new relationships to me, that much fresher for not having been frozen, hardened and made sterile by old prejudices.

Letter 219
Translation courtesy of Robert Harrison.
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A thing apart

Vincent van Gogh to Theo van Gogh, from The Hague, 23 July 1882

I'm sure that it depends more on my work than on anything else whether or not I succeed one day. Provided I can just keep going, well then, I shall fight my fight quietly in this way and no other - by calmly looking through my little window at natural things and drawing them faithfully and with love. For the rest, I shall just adopt a defensive attitude against possible molestation, and beyond that I love drawing too much to want to be distracted by anything else. The peculiar effects of perspective intrigue me more than human intrigues.

If Tersteeg only understood that my painting is a thing apart, quite different from the rest, he would not make a fuss.

Letter 219
Translation courtesy of Robert Harrison.
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"It will come to nothing"

Vincent van Gogh to Theo van Gogh, from The Hague, 23 July 1882

Now when you come, brother, I shall have a few watercolors for you. It is damn nice working in the studio. Do you remember that last winter I told you you would have your watercolors within a year?

Those I have done now are simply to show you that my studying drawing, correct perspective and proportions, helps me make progress in watercolors. And for my part, I did them as an experiment to find out what progress I had made in watercolors after six months of drawing exclusively; and secondly, to see what I shall have to work harder on in that fundamental drawing which everything depends on. . . .

When judging me and my behavior, Tersteeg always starts with the fixed idea that I can do nothing and am good for nothing. I heard it from his own lips, "Oh, that painting of yours will be like all the other things you started, it will come to nothing."

Letter 219
Translation courtesy of Robert Harrison.
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To set to work again, sick or not sick

Vincent van Gogh to Theo van Gogh, from The Hague, 23 July 1882

Your letter to me crossed one of mine in which I told you I had resolved to set to work again, sick or not sick. Well, I have done so, and I find it does me no harm, though I must take more medicine to brace me up. But of course the work itself puts me in a much better mood. I could not bear staying away from my drawings any longer.

Letter 219
Translation courtesy of Robert Harrison.
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Painting is a home

Vincent van Gogh to Theo van Gogh, from Nuenen, June 1885

If I could earn something with my work, if we had some firm ground, be it ever so little, under our feet for our daily existence, and if then the desire to become an artist took for you the form of, let me say, Hennebeau in "Germinal," discounting all difference in age, etc. - what pictures you could still make then! The future is always different from what one expects, so one never can be sure. The drawback of painting is that, if one does not sell one's pictures, one still needs money for paint and models in order to make progress. And that drawback is a bad thing. But for the rest, painting and, in my opinion, especially the painting of rural life, gives serenity, though one may have all kinds of worries and miseries on the surface of life. I mean painting is a home and one does not experience that homesickness, that peculiar feeling Hennebeau had.

Letter 413
Translation courtesy of Robert Harrison.
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Never sparing expense

Vincent van Gogh to Anthon van Rappard, from Nuenen, June 1885

I most seriously advise you not to fight with me. As for me - I go my own way - you see I don't want to pick a quarrel with anyone, so not with you either, even now. . . . But for the moment I want to say this much, you have said more than once that I do not care for the form of the figure, it is beneath me to pay attention to it, and - my dear fellow - it is beneath you to say such an unwarranted thing. You have known me for years - just tell me, have you ever seen me work otherwise than after the model, never sparing expense, however heavy at times, though I am surely poor enough.

Letter R52
Translation courtesy of Robert Harrison.
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Study

Vincent van Gogh to Theo van Gogh, from Nuenen, c. 1 June 1885

If Portier will write me his observations, I think they may be useful to me, and he must not hold them back. I must tell you that I sometimes long very much to see the Louvre and the Luxembourg again, and that sooner or later I shall have to study the technique and color of Millet, Delacroix, Corot and others. But it is not immediately urgent; I think the more I work, the greater use it will be to me when it happens someday.

But it is a fact that one needs both nature and pictures.

Letter 410
Translation courtesy of Robert Harrison.
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They require some effort

Vincent van Gogh to Theo van Gogh, from Nuenen, early June 1884

It has already annoyed me for a long time, Theo, that some of the present-day painters rob us of the bistre and the bitumen, with which surely so many splendid things have been painted, and which, well applied, make the coloring ripe and mellow and generous, and at the same time are so distinguished and possess such very remarkable and peculiar qualities.

But at the same time they require some effort in learning to use them, for they must be used differently from the ordinary colors, and I think it quite possible that many are discouraged by the experiments one must make first and which, of course, do not succeed on the very first day one begins to use them. It is now just about a year ago that I began to use them, chiefly for interiors; at first I was awfully disappointed in them, but I could not forget the beautiful things I had seen made with them.

Letter 371
Translation courtesy of Robert Harrison.
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This long period of drudgery

Vincent van Gogh to Theo van Gogh, from The Hague, c. 23-28 June 1883

It is true that I have written you often lately, but my letters harp so much on the same thing that I am angry with myself for not writing you in a somewhat more amusing way. It will come back someday - I think that when you have been in the studio again, there will be more animating subjects to write about. At least I hope so, and there will be, if you feel sympathy for what I am doing and what you have not yet seen. . . .

Right now I am working on no less than seven or eight drawings of about a meter in size, so you can imagine that I am up to my ears in work.

But I hope so much that my hand will become more skillful from this long period of drudgery.

Letter 296
Translation courtesy of Robert Harrison.
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We must not let our hands be idle

Vincent van Gogh to Theo van Gogh, from The Hague, 3 June 1883

This morning I was in a charitable home, boy, to see a little old woman (with whom I had to arrange about posing), and thus far she has brought up two natural children of her daughter's who is a so-called kept woman. Several things struck me: in the first place, the neglected appearance of the poor little creatures, though the grandmother does her best, and many are much worse off; and secondly, I was deeply touched by the devotion of that little grandmother, and it struck me that when an old woman puts her wrinkled hands to such a task, we men must not let ours be idle.

Letter 290
Translation courtesy of Robert Harrison.
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I don't care for anything but the work

Vincent van Gogh to Theo van Gogh, from The Hague, 3 June 1883

Oh, boy, if we could only find somebody who would buy the drawings. The work is an absolute necessity for me. I can't put it off, I don't care for anything but the work; that is to say, the pleasure in something else ceases at once and I become melancholy when I can't go on with my work. Then I feel like a weaver who sees that his threads are tangled, and the pattern he had on the loom is gone to hell, and all his thought and exertion is lost.

Try to arrange it so that we can go on with energy.

Letter 288
Translation courtesy of Robert Harrison.
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Two drawings in my heart

Vincent van Gogh to Theo van Gogh, from The Hague, 3 June 1883

Now you write that business is less flourishing. This is rotten enough. But the position has always been precarious, and may be expected to remain so as long as you live. Let us keep up our courage, and try to find energy and serenity. . . .

. . . if circumstances become more difficult, let us redouble our energy. I will be doubly intent on my drawings, but for the present do be doubly intent on sending the money. To me it means models, studio, bread; cutting it down would be something like choking or drowning me. I mean, I can do as little without it now as I can do without air. I had these two drawings in my heart for a long time, but I did not have the money to carry them out; and now, thanks to Rappard's money, they have got form. The creative power cannot be repressed, one must give vent to what one feels.

Letter 288
Translation courtesy of Robert Harrison.
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It is devilishly difficult

Vincent van Gogh to Theo van Gogh, from The Hague, 3 June 1883

It was a good thing that I went to see Rappard, for his sympathy has cheered me where I hadn't enough self-confidence. But when you see these drawings, Theo, and the studies, you will understand that this year I have had as much care and trouble as a man can bear. It is devilishly difficult to hammer out a figure. And indeed, it is the same as with iron - one works on a model, and goes on working, at first with no result; but at last it mellows, and one finds the figure, like the iron, becomes malleable when it is hot, and then one must go on working on it. So I had a model continually for these two drawings, and worked on them early and late.

Letter 288
Translation courtesy of Robert Harrison.
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Keep courage and grind on

Vincent van Gogh to Theo van Gogh, from The Hague, 21 May 1883

Well, I came back from Rappard's full of plans and full of hope, because there I saw the fruits of the studies already - that is to say, combinations of different figures in more important compositions. That is what I can expect too. But it takes time, and in the meantime one must go on making new studies after the model. The good things can be separated from among them. The best of our arrangement is that the studies are kept together, either by you or by me - let us keep courage and grind on.

Letter 286
Translation courtesy of Robert Harrison.
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Sometimes with a kind of fury

Vincent van Gogh to Theo van Gogh, from The Hague, 21 May 1883

But, Theo, the work brings so many expenses: and in many things I haven't the free hand that would be necessary. Of course, the household costs are heavy too. One needs food and clothes, there is also the studio rent; well, but it certainly has cheered me that Rappard likes several things I've done, and now that I've seen what his own work is like, I am even more glad that some of my things pleased him.

I am always afraid of not working enough; I think I can do so much better still, and that is what I am striving for, sometimes with a kind of fury.

Letter 286
Translation courtesy of Robert Harrison.
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I made him draw many things

Vincent van Gogh to Theo van Gogh, from The Hague, 20 May 1883

These last days, or rather weeks, I have had the very pleasant company of a young land surveyor who tried his hand at drawing. He once showed me drawings, which I thought very bad, and I told him why I thought them so bad.

Of course I never expected to hear from him again after that; but one day he returned - he has more leisure now, might he come with me to work outdoors? Well, Theo, the fellow has got the knack of landscape drawing so well that at present he brings home really charming sketches of meadow, wood and dune. . . .

The things he made before I knew him were horrible daubs, most of them hideous. I began by telling him that at first he had to confine himself to drawing for some time. I made him draw many things which he did not like at all, but he trusted me in this. Now this morning he asked me if he couldn't try his hand at painting again, and now it came off very well, and he has scraped off all his old things.

Letter 285
Translation courtesy of Robert Harrison.
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I too fail sometimes

Vincent van Gogh to Theo van Gogh, from The Hague, 9 May 1883

Well, my woman no longer walks on a path of flowers, as she did when she was younger and went her own way and followed her instincts. But life has become more thorny for her, has become a path of tears, especially last year but this year has thorns too, and so will the years to come - but with perseverance she will get over it.

But sometimes there is a crisis - especially when I venture to reprove her for some fault which I have had my eye on for a long time. So for instance, to give you an example, mending the clothes and making clothes for the children herself. But the result is that one day she takes it up, and in this respect, as in many others, she has already improved greatly. I still have to change so many things in myself, too; she must find in me an example of diligence and patience, and it is damned difficult, brother, to act so that one can indirectly be an example to somebody else, and I too fail sometimes. I must raise myself to a higher level in order to rouse new impulses in her.

Letter 284
Translation courtesy of Robert Harrison.
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The more one loves

Vincent van Gogh to Anthon van Rappard, from The Hague, c. 8 May 1883

I just can't believe that a painter should have no other task and no other duty than painting only. What I mean to say is, whereas many consider, for instance, reading books and such things that they call a waste of time, on the contrary, I am of the opinion that, far from causing one to work less or less well, rather it makes one work more and better to try to broaden one's mind in a field that is so closely allied with this work - and that at any rate it is a matter of importance, which greatly influences one's work, from whatever point of view one looks at things, and whatever conception one may have of life.

I believe that the more one loves, the more one will act; for love that is only a feeling I would never recognize as love.

Letter R34
Translation courtesy of Robert Harrison.
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A sharpshooter of the vanguard

Vincent van Gogh to Anthon van Rappard, from The Hague, c. 8 May 1883

By all means economize your strength in this sense, that you do not expend your energy on things that do not lead you straight to your goal.

. . . It is wasting gunpowder and bullets on something that may very well be worth a shot fired by someone who has a well-filled cartridge box and can fill it again when it's empty - but, my dear friend, not a cartridge fired by a sharpshooter of the vanguard on whose alertness important things may depend, and whose position has laid a greater responsibility on his shoulders than on those of others.

What is permitted to others may be reprehensible in you, the better being in this case the enemy of the good. Ergo, beware of the better.

Letter R34
Translation courtesy of Robert Harrison.
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"Whosoever shall lose his life"

Vincent van Gogh to Anthon van Rappard, from The Hague, c. 8 May 1883

In a certain sense there is something peculiar in the constitution of every painter. Temporary fits of weakness, nervousness, melancholy are often caused by the exertion of working; but at the same time there is something like a rebound, so that weakness, etc., may be overcome again by exertion.

. . . I'll tell you frankly that sometimes I feel clearly that these two forces of exhaustion and reinforcement in my constitution are there through one and the same cause - the exertion of working. And I have so much faith in this, not only for myself but also for others, that last year, for instance, when I was ill, I boldly disregarded some of the doctor's advice, not because I thought his advice wrong, or because I thought I knew better, but because I reasoned like this, "Life means painting to me and not so much preserving my constitution." Sometimes the mysterious words "Whosoever shall lose his life shall find it" are as clear as daylight.

Letter R34
Translation courtesy of Robert Harrison.
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Trifles take on the biggest proportions

Vincent van Gogh to Theo van Gogh, from The Hague, c. 4-6 May 1883

I saved up a stamp on purpose, to be able to write to you once more. . . .

If you are strained yourself, send me less than usual if it must be; but send it as soon as possible. For next week I have an arrangement with Van der Weele to go and paint in the dunes - he will show me a few things which I do not know yet.

I have been working in the dunes for some days, but I long for a model: otherwise I cannot go on.

In short, I feel rather worried. So write as soon as possible. As for the work, I am getting on pretty well, and I think you would like some of the drawings I have on hand now.

. . . Write soon, boy, for it is very unpleasant to be without a cent. It makes trifles take on the biggest proportions.

Letter 283
Translation courtesy of Robert Harrison.
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"Ça ira encore"

Vincent van Gogh to Anthon van Rappard, from The Hague, 28 May 1882

And then the "Carpenter's Shed" - taken from the window of my studio - by working on it with pen and ink I have brought a new kind of black into it, and now “the sun is shining,” because the lights show up more strongly. Today I was at it quite early, for I wanted to make another one like it, and went to the dunes to draw a fish-drying barn, also seen from a height like the carpenter's shed, and now it is nearly one o'clock in the night, but, thank God, everything is finished, and I can look my redoubtable landlord in the face without fear. And so "ça ira encore" -

Letter R08
Translation courtesy of Robert Harrison.
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Getting on better with people

Vincent van Gogh to Theo van Gogh, from Nuenen, c 15 May 1884

Recently I have been getting on better with people here than I did at first, which is of great importance to me, for one decidedly needs some distraction, and if one feels too lonely, the work always suffers from it; however, perhaps one must be prepared for it not to last.

But I feel quite optimistic about it, it seems to me that in general the people in Nuenen are better than those in Etten or Helvoirt; there is more sincerity here, at least that is my impression after having been here for some time.

It is true the people here look at things from a clergyman's point of view, but in such a way that I, for my part, don't feel any scruple in putting up with it.

Letter 368
Translation courtesy of Robert Harrison.
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If you do not forsake me

Vincent van Gogh to Theo van Gogh, from The Hague, 27 May 1882

I hope you have received the drawings I sent I think about May 10. There were twenty-five of them in a portfolio; I have not heard from you about them.

I do wish there were a few other people for whom I could do something on the same conditions as C. M.'s. And especially that C. M. continues to order, for these drawings are much better than the first, and by and by I shall do them even better. And at that price he certainly isn't getting a bad bargain.

You know how it is: if you do not forsake me because of Sien, then I shall be full of courage. And at four in the morning I am already at my work, so I shall get through with a little sympathy from those who know me. I am longing for your letter, a handshake in thought, but do write soon and deliver me from the landlord.

Letter 202
Translation courtesy of Robert Harrison.
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Deliver me from the landlord

Vincent van Gogh to Theo van Gogh, from The Hague, 27 May 1882

But, brother, it has been a hard fortnight for me. When I wrote you about the middle of May, I had only 3 or 3.50 guilders left after I had paid the baker; and I have had hardly anything to eat but dry black bread with some coffee, . . . .

Now I have to pay the house rent on the first of June, and I have nothing, literally nothing. I hope you will send something.

A week ago I felt very faint from continuous sleeplessness. Now that I have had some luck with a few drawings and the order for C. M. is almost finished, I have new courage and am a little calmer.

But, brother, do write to me soon and deliver me from the landlord, for you know he won't be put off.

Letter 202
Translation courtesy of Robert Harrison.
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Should one so much as waver

Vincent van Gogh to Theo van Gogh, from Nuenen, 30 April 1885

As for Durand-Ruel - though he didn't consider the drawings worth bothering with, do show him this painting. Let him think it ugly, I don't mind - but let him have a look at it all the same, let people see that we put some effort into our endeavors. No doubt you'll hear "What a daub!" Be prepared for that, as I am prepared myself. Yet we must go on providing something genuine and honest.

Painting peasant life is a serious business, and I for one would blame myself if I didn't try to make pictures that give rise to serious reflection in those who think seriously about art and life.

Millet, De Groux, so many others, have set an example of character by turning a deaf ear to such taunts as "nasty, crude, filthy, stinking", etc., etc., so it would be a disgrace should one so much as waver. No, one must paint peasants as if one were one of them, as if one felt and thought as they do. Being unable to help what one actually is.

Letter 404
Translation courtesy of Robert Harrison.
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A genuine peasant painting

Vincent van Gogh to Theo van Gogh, from Nuenen, 30 April 1885

I've held the threads of this fabric in my hands all winter long and searched for the definitive pattern - and although it is now a fabric of rough and coarse appearance, the threads have none the less been chosen with care and according to certain rules. And it might just turn out to be a genuine peasant painting. I know that it is. But anyone who prefers to have his peasants looking namby-pamby had best suit himself. Personally, I am convinced that in the long run one gets better results from painting them in all their coarseness than from introducing a conventional sweetness. . . .

In my opinion, it would be wrong to give a painting of peasant life a conventional polish. If a peasant painting smells of bacon, smoke, potato steam, fine - that's not unhealthy - if a stable reeks of manure - all right, that's what a stable is all about - if a field has the smell of ripe corn or potatoes or of guano and manure - that's properly healthy, especially for city dwellers. Such pictures might prove helpful to them. But a painting of peasant life should not be perfumed.

Letter 404
Translation courtesy of Robert Harrison.
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A tremendous battle

Vincent van Gogh to Theo van Gogh, from Nuenen, 30 April 1885

My warmest good wishes for good health and peace of mind on your birthday. I should have liked to send the painting of the Potato Eaters for this day, but although it's coming along well, it isn't quite finished yet.

Though the actual painting will have been completed in a comparatively short time, and largely from memory, it has taken a whole winter of painting studies of heads and hands.

And as for the few days in which I have painted it now - it's been a tremendous battle, but one for which I was filled with great enthusiasm. Even though at times I was afraid it would never come off. But painting, too, is "acting-creating."

Letter 404
Translation courtesy of Robert Harrison.
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One succeeds in convincing a few people

Vincent van Gogh to Theo van Gogh, from Nuenen, April 1884

You must by no means suppose that I have great illusions about the appreciation of my work; I think one must be satisfied if one succeeds in convincing a few people of the seriousness of one's intentions, and is understood by them without flattery.

For the rest, if there is anything more than that, so much the better, but one must think about it as little as possible. But yet I believe the work must be seen, because the few friends will sift down from that very stream of passers-by. But one need not mind what people in general say and do.

Letter 366
Translation courtesy of Robert Harrison.
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I shrug my shoulders

Vincent van Gogh to Theo van Gogh, from Nuenen, April 1884

If I, for my part, have some confidence in my own work, it is also because it costs me too much effort for me to believe that nothing will be gained by it or that it is done in vain.

And I repeat, I shrug my shoulders at the banalities in which most connoisseurs seem to indulge more and more.

Letter 366
Translation courtesy of Robert Harrison.
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It forces one to lose one's temper

Vincent van Gogh to Theo van Gogh, from Nuenen, early April 1884

It would be less impossible for me to keep my temper in our correspondence if, when on the critical date you have not got the money, you should write, I haven't got it, you will get it on such and such a date. Now you did not write a single word in response to my saying, I am surprised that - taking into consideration that you told me I could get the money by return mail if I wanted it, and my having told you that I would rather have it at once than later - I have not heard anything about it.

If you had written at the time, I am sorry, but I haven't got it, I should not have tortured my brain with thoughts such as that you commit this negligence on purpose in order to make life a little more difficult for me. And - if you haven't got the money, I cannot reproach you with anything - but if you neglect sending it - on purpose or not on purpose, that does not matter - then it is something I wish you would unlearn - something that forces one to lose one's temper.

Letter 363a
Translation courtesy of Robert Harrison.
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I insist on your showing my work

Vincent van Gogh to Theo van Gogh, from Nuenen, early April 1884

I end with the assurance that in case you refuse to accept my proposal to send you my work regularly (you can do or not do whatever you like with it, at least as far as doing business with it is concerned, but at all events I insist on your showing it from time to time, as you did at the very beginning, and in my opinion rightly so), I shall carry through the separation - so either this alteration - or else finished. . . .

I did not send you the sixth pen drawing because, just as I insist on your showing my work now and then, I am going to show Rappard something once in a while - as he knows a lot of people - and that drawing was at Rappard's, and I should have had it back, but up to now he has kept it.

Letter 363a
Translation courtesy of Robert Harrison.
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Your confidence in my future

Vincent van Gogh to Theo van Gogh, from Nuenen, early April 1884

When I mention that I desire to look upon the 150 francs, or more or less as the case may be, as equal in value to what I send you, this is to a certain extent quite a private matter, and in no way do we touch upon the question whether my work has commercial value or not.

But in that case I shall be more justified in the eyes of Tom, Dick and Harry, and shall not have to put up with being reproached with idling away my time - or even being absolutely looked upon as "having no means of subsistence."

At the same time it is proof on your part of your confidence in my future, which, however, I shall most certainly not extort from you - and I repeat that however you may decide in this matter, it will have no influence on my opinion of the past, and that I shall never ignore your help during these years, but on the contrary, appreciate it highly.

But you will have to decide quite independently whether our relations will be continued in the future or not.

Letter 363a
Translation courtesy of Robert Harrison.
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You think too frivolously of my work

Vincent van Gogh to Theo van Gogh, from Nuenen, early April 1884

I sent you nine watercolors and five pen drawings, I wrote you I had yet a sixth pen drawing and the painted study of the old tower, which at the time you said you were eager for.

But now that I see that your expressions remain as vague as ever, I cannot but tell you without reserve that I do not consider this the way to treat me.

As for my work - up to now it seemed incontrovertible that you would rather I did not send anything than that I did.

If this is still the case - well then, I am of the opinion that either I am not worth your protection, or you think a little too frivolously of my work. I have never withdrawn my proposal to send you my work regularly.

Letter 363a
Translation courtesy of Robert Harrison.
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A definite agreement

Vincent van Gogh to Theo van Gogh, from Nuenen, early April 1884

I said in my letter of the end of January that I should be unwilling to go on in the same way as up to then, that is to say, without a definite agreement.

. . . Nothing could be more pleasant to me than to go on in the same way on condition that a definite agreement was made about the supply of work. And that in order to make a trial I should send a number of things toward the beginning of March.

Your reply was evasive, it certainly was not straightforward, I mean it was not something like this: "Vincent, I see the reasonableness of a number of your grievances, and I approve of your proposal to make an agreement that every month you will send me a number of drawings that you consider equal in value to the 150 francs I am in the habit of sending you, so that you will be able to look upon this money as earned money."

Most positively I noticed that you did not simply write something like this!

Letter 363a
Translation courtesy of Robert Harrison.
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Making me feel the bridle

Vincent van Gogh to Theo van Gogh, from Nuenen, early April 1884

Last summer, because of your making me feel the bridle a little in order to impress upon me that it was in my interest to be compliant in some things, I had already made up my mind to let you feel in return that I for my part, if I were inconvenienced by too much tugging at the bridle, should be quite willing to leave the bridle in your hands, as long as I was not attached to the other end, or in other words - if I am not free in my private life, I decline the subsidy. In short, that whether I should be able to get along financially would depend on my work (and not on my private life), at least as far as the 150 francs a month was concerned.

Letter 363a
Translation courtesy of Robert Harrison.
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No reason not to do my best

Vincent van Gogh to Theo van Gogh, from Nuenen, 1 April 1884

However, I want you to know that if you feel inclined to leave the work you are going to buy from me alone, or even tear it up, this is no reason for me not to do my best on it.

For this month I have some pen-and-ink drawings for you, in the first place those that are at Rappard's for the moment, about which I had a letter from him, telling me that he liked them all . . . .

Beside those, I have a few painted studies which are your property, which I will send you if you like, but if you don't care to have them, I will ask you if I may keep them for some time, as I need them for my work.

Letter 364
Translation courtesy of Robert Harrison.
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I must have money

Vincent van Gogh to Theo van Gogh, from Nuenen, 1 April 1884

I, for my part, needing money, am obliged to accept it, even if somebody said to me, "I want to put that drawing of yours away, or I want to throw it in the fire, you can get so much money for it"; under the circumstances I should say, "All right, give me the money, there is my work, I want to get on." I must have money, in order to get on; I try to get it, and therefore - even if you were completely indifferent to me - as long as I get your monthly allowance, without conditions forbidding me to do certain things, I will not break with you, and I agree to everything if need be.

My way of considering you and your money matches your way of considering me and my work - and as long as the balance is kept - I agree to it. If I receive money from you and you receive drawings or paintings from me, and if I have something to justify myself in the eyes of the world, though we might have nothing else in common, though we should write and speak about nothing, even then I feel satisfied for the moment, and I agree to it completely.

Letter 364
Translation courtesy of Robert Harrison.
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My proposal

Vincent van Gogh to Theo van Gogh, from Nuenen, 1 April 1884

I just received your letter and enclosed 250 francs. If I may consider your letter an answer to my proposal, I can indeed agree to what you say. In short, to avoid further discussion or quarreling, in order to have some answer when those leading ordinary lives accuse me of being without any "source of income," I want to consider the money I receive from you as money I have earned.

Of course I will send you my work every month. As you say, that work will be your property then, and I perfectly agree with you that you have every right to do anything with it . . . .

Even if it should be your high pleasure to tear up my work, or maybe leave it peacefully alone, or if you should try to do something with it, I have no right to find fault with you. But only if I am allowed to consider it a purchase on your part.

Letter 364
Translation courtesy of Robert Harrison.
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Undermine by patience

Vincent van Gogh to Theo van Gogh, from The Hague, c. 11 April 1883

I should wish to be able to spend more, both on models and on painting materials. Though I do not sell a single one of my studies, I think they are worth the money I spend on them. The studio has become so much better and convenient, but I only have enough steam for "half speed," and should like to go "full speed."

I repeat, I do not say this to complain, nor to force you to greater sacrifices - you are really burdened beyond your strength too. But I say it for the sake of a better understanding, and to relieve my mind. For you will understand that I am often full of heavy cares. Well, we must make the best of it, and the things we can't move by force must be undermined by patience.

Letter 279
Translation courtesy of Robert Harrison.
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An unsatisfied energy

Vincent van Gogh to Theo van Gogh, from The Hague, c. 11 April 1883

To tell you the truth, my purse is rather empty; it certainly isn't your fault, yet it isn't mine, either - no matter how I contrive, I can't save more, and I need more money than I have to execute some plans. If I started on those things, I should have to give them up in the middle. But it is a melancholy thing to have to say, "I could make such and such a thing if it weren't for the expense." Then an unsatisfied energy remains, which one should wish to use instead of stifle. But I don't want to complain - I am grateful that I can make progress - though not so vigorously as I should wish. But the English say, "Time is money," and sometimes I can't help thinking it is hard to see the time pass during which things might have been done if I had had the means.

Letter 279
Translation courtesy of Robert Harrison.
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It will find its friends

Vincent van Gogh to Theo van Gogh, from The Hague, 2 April 1883

You write about some art lovers who might take my work some time, even though it shouldn't become exactly a current article. Well, I really believe the same. If I should succeed in putting some warmth and love into my work, it will find its friends. The thing is to keep on working.

Letter 278
Translation courtesy of Robert Harrison.
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The work gets more and more stimulating

Vincent van Gogh to Theo van Gogh, from The Hague, 2 April 1883

Thanks for the good wishes on my birthday. It happened to be a very pleasant day, as I just had an excellent model for a digger. One thing I can assure you of, the work gets more and more stimulating, and it gives me, so to speak, more vitality; and then I always think of you, because it is you who make it possible for me to work. That is, without fatal obstacles, without direct handicaps. Difficulties sometimes spur one on even more. Now the time has come to put more energy into it.

Letter 278
Translation courtesy of Robert Harrison.
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If there were a purpose

Vincent van Gogh to Theo van Gogh, from The Hague, 21-28 March 1883

If the small drawings in mountain chalk I sent you are not what you intended, although I had your tips in mind when I did them, don't let that put you off and don't hesitate to return to the subject, the more often the better. And bear in mind, too, that as soon as I am sure of what you are after, I shall be ready to do as I said just now, to turn out 10, for example, in order to arrive at one good one. In short, if you do come to the studio one day, I think you would see that I am being fairly energetic, and you would, I hope, go on thinking of me in these terms, wouldn't you, and you would understand as well that even though someone who is fairly energetic may be working hard for himself, or rather without an immediate purpose, it might be twice as stimulating for him if there were a purpose. This is also true of possible work for the illustrated papers.

Letter 276
Translation courtesy of Robert Harrison.
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